Should your wife respect your mother?

Question

My wife and my mother do not get along at all. I tried to help my mother by letting her live with my family but my wife just couldn't let things go and make life with all of us liveable. Everything got on my wifes nerves. First it was my mothers cat my wife hates cats so i told my mom to keep the cat in her room. Then my mother smokes my wife hates cigerette smoke She claims my son has asthma and i know my wife has lung problems but only affects her when she is sick. My wife wanted my mother to smoke outside my mother wanted to smoke in her room the door closed and the window open my wife complained everyday until my mother left about the smell and she said it was hurting her lungs. My mother tries to help my wife and give her some wise advice on how to handle our children my wife takes it as an attack on her parenting skills. My mother left the house the night before christmas because my wife made her feel so unwelcome. Should my wife try harder to get along and respect my mother?

Answer 1

Dont you think you are being biased here?
When you know that your wife and your child can have serious health problems with the smoking your mum indulges in shouldnt you ask her to stop?Your mother is SMOKING and that ought to be objected to for her own sake if not for others.You have a child in the house who can suffer seriously because of your mum's disgusting habbit.Apart from the serious health risks involved he may even take up the habbit himself.I dont see your wife doing anything wrong here.Your mother ought to stop smoking and if not stop then at least she should have the curtousy to leave the house and indulge in blackening her lungs.I must say your mother is being selfish in not considering your wife's asthama and your son's health,anyway.
And by the way how would you feel if your wife's parents sat down to give you advice on how to raise your children?
Your wife will be able to handle her child better on her own.
The saying goes "mother knows best" not "husband's mother knows best".You married her.Trusted her enough to be your wife didnt you?What makes you think she is not a good mom?The very fact that she has put her foot down on your mother's smoking proves that she is a good mom and your mother is a bad grand-mom.Plus,you need to have parenting tips from your wife.How can you think of supporting your mom in this?
As for your mommy leaving home on christmas...that is just a way to show you how bad your wife is and how helpless your mother is and it seems you have become a fool at your mum's false display as she probably knew you would.
Please dont ruin your family.
I understand that elders are to be respected but they cant get away with everything.And doesnt your wife deserve respect?
Im sure if your mother becomes more considerate and acknowledges the presence of a child in the house who can be influenced by her smoking and tantrums,your wife will definately be more considerate towards her.
God bless you.I hope you see sense.

Answer 2

Sorry, but you set yourself up for disaster. You said your wife hates cats, but YOU want your wife to accept your mothers cat. Your wife hates cigarette smoke, but YOU want your wife to overlook her own, if not your sons health problems and let your mom smoke in the house(it doesn't matter where, if she smokes in an inclosed place the smoke will stick to your mother and could affect not only your wife, but son also.) Sorry but when you married your wife, you made her "most important" in your life and then you had children and they became most important. Your mother takes a back seat to them. You have taken your mother in to help her out, but your doing that has caused you and your wife problems, you will have to decide which is more important to you. I know that you love your mother and want to do for her, but not at the expense of your wife and/or your marriage. You can do for your mother, and still keep your wife happy, you must remember that your wife and children are making adjustments to your mother being with you, so you must realize that your mother should be willing to make some adjustments for your wife and children also. And if all your wife is asking is that the cat is kept in your mothers room, or even removed from the house and smoking outside is all she is asking, then that really is little to ask. As for your mother giving your wife advice, you need to put a STOP to that, in no way is that a good idea unless your mother and wife are friends,and I can already tell they aren't.
Respect goes two ways, your mother needs to respect your wife and after all it is your wifes home, not your mothers so your wife makes the rules and your mother does the adjusting, not the other way around. Any other way and there will never be harmony between you and your wife, because she will always look at it as though you choose your mother over her.

Answer 3

It sounds like your mother is the one who is being disrespectful! Second hand smoke kills, and it will not hurt her to go outside and smoke.It's hurting her more to smoke the cigarette alone, than it would hurt to go outside.That's harmful to not only you, but also to your wife and child, and your mother herself. You should want to protect your family from all harm and danger.I'm sure that the fact that the cat had to stay in one room did not do any serious harm to any one either. No one likes the smell of cat p*** all over the house, or the smell of a cat itself, if you don't usually have one around. She already suffered breathing in all the smoke the cigarettes left. She already has bad lungs, she shouldn't be breathing in all that stuff anyways. Also, your wife probably got offended over the fact that your mom was telling her how to raise her child, no one wants unasked advice. Her parenting skills were probably insulted. You wouldn't like if another man told you how to deal with or handle your wife if you didn't ask them for the advice. You are choosing your mother over your wife, and she comes first. And you are the man, why did you let things get so out of hand? No your wife should not and did/does not need to try harder. Your mother is disrespecting your home, your wife, your son, and you, and you let her. I would have your *** out on the couch!!!

Answer 4

In this whole feud what exactly was your role? Were you sitting on the couch with some popcorn and watching them go for ten rounds. You have to play a role - not as a referee but an active participant. The home belongs to you (and your wife) and you set the ground rules which everyone must respect and obey. This includes your mother. Does your mom need the cat? and for that matter her cigarettes? Is your wife a control freak? These questions can only be resolved if all three of you sit down and work out your issues. You are going to have to be the one to get them to compromise. If they don't agree at all then you really don't want to live in a battle zone with the two. The thing you need to do is step up and take an active role or you'll have to deal with this till either of them die or you do (my bets on you).

Answer 5

Inform your wife that the first individual to apologize is a individual of valor. She must rise to the get together, say sorry, let it go. Why do they "hate" each and every different? Is it seeing that your mom would not believe your choice of a mate is good adequate for you? Is there whatever in special your mom would not like about your wife or vice versa? Do you spend more time with mother than you do your spouse? Did one in all them do/say whatever horrible to the other? There might be a bunch of motives, however figuring out WHY every won't apologize to the other desires to be decided. They must, at least, be civil if they are not able to be loving closer to each other. If that you could aid your spouse see that being a mature and responsible character will earn your mother's appreciate, you'll be doing her a huge prefer. I don't consider your mother's going to budge on this predicament.

Answer 6

Should your wife respect your Mother, you ask? In the first place, the Lady of the house is your wife, not your Mother, and your loyalties should be with your wife above all else. I am not saying that you should not have any contact with your Mother, but, you should tell your Mother that your wife is the only one that decides on how to raise your kids, and if you want to make your marriage work under any circumstances do not have your Mother live at your house, and do not take your Mother's side when it concerns your family, or else you will be facing a divorce in the near future.

Answer 7

To answer along in point form ...

- Respect is not automatic. It is earned. When your mother earns her respect, then she'll get it, and not before.

- You're choosing your mother over your wife, and son I'm afraid. Do you remember your vows? Forsaking all others ... that includes your mother. Your wife comes first, above everyone else. Try to remember that.

- Your wife 'claims' your son has asthma?? You think your wife would lie about that? And, just for the sake of saying it, CIGARETTE SMOKE IS BAD FOR YOUR CHILD genius. Why would you let your mother smoke around your child? His health is your concern over your mothers happiness. Geez.

- Your wife has lung problems. Yet you allow your mother to smoke around her. Nice husband you are.

- Your mother has no place offering "advice" about the way your wife runs things unless that advice is asked for. Otherwise, it's underminding and patronizing. Tell her to give it a rest.

No, your wife should not try harder. Your mother should get her own damn house, and you should start being a husband.

This is why I didn't marry a mama's boy ...

Answer 8

I agree that your wife should respect your mother, just as you should her's. However I also think that your wife should be the first person that you try to make happy in life. The three of you should have sat down and made a list of ground rules to abide by for all parties that live in the home. As for your mother offering advice, does your wife really need it? Your wife is probably feeling like your mother is trying to take over and control everything and that is why she wasn't willing to get along with your mother. From personal experience I think it is best to not live with any in laws. Try to make alternative arraignments for your mother, and visit often.

Answer 9

I think your mother needs her own place!! Your mother may mean well but your wife takes it as your mom mothering her! You get that? Your mother should respect the fact she has somewhere to stay and not smoke in the house I know that! How rude! Maybe the respect needs to come from your mother not your wife! When you have in-laws etc. living with you it's like merging two families! LOL

Answer 10

First of all.Yes,your wife should respect your mother.Second your mother should respect your wife.Third,You should Respect both of there wishes.You are married have a son that as lung trouble.Wright?Tell your mom to smoke in the basement when she needs to.That way your wife wont divorce you.Think about it.You have to work something out.Or do you want to live with mom for ever?I hate to be mean about things but it's your mom's turn to respect the both of you.Know do you understand what am trying to say to You all.I still might been young but I have been there before.Good luck to all of you and have a Merry Christmas and a very have new Year.