My son is saying a bad word and I can't get him to stop!?

Question

My 4 year old son, Trevor has been saying the "SH" word since he heard it on TV! I told him not to say it, I spanked him, gave him 20 minute timeouts, took away his ninja turtle collection, but he still says it! HELP!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

At this point, it's best to "ignore and redirect". In other words, try ignoring the behavior completely--even avoiding eye-contact. Have all other family members in agreement so that no one else frowns, chuckles, or looks at the child when he says the word. Don't let him hear the word coming from you or others--if at all possible. When he stops saying the word, redirect his attention to a fun activity. This is an old tried-and-true behavior modification technique. You will be reinforcing the acceptable behavior. Remember: You can catch more bees with honey than with vinegar.

Answer 2

I'm going to guess that this is part of normal childhood development. Not the swearing so much but the fact that he wont do what you're telling him to. It's probably much like the "terrible two's" where children explore the boundaries that their parents set for them and their favorite word becomes "NO!" He may in fact be acting out simply to aggravate you to see how far he can go with it. You should, of course, explain to him that it's inappropriate for him to say that and you should watch what you say around him. He may not understand why you can say it yet he can't.

As for how to handle it, I would suggest that you consistently discipline him in whatever way you feel will get the point across. You probably should remain calm when he does swear rather than loose your temper. Stay calm when you hand out the punishment too. It may not be a quick fix so you might have to ride it out.

Bear in mind I'm neither a parent nor a child psychologist, this is just my take on things. It's entirely possible I'm completely wrong about everything, but it sounds good to me. ;)

EDIT: Seems a few actual parents that have encountered this problem have agreed that you should just ignore it. I'd say take their advice since they've "been there, done that."

Answer 3

UG...possibly come up with a euphamism, like sheesh, and get him to say that in stead. So, when he says it, say--"You mean sheesh?" Of course, that works better when they first start. I did that with my three year old when he started saying "Oh my God" (not bad in the right circumstances, but I didn't want him to say it in the context he heard it in, which was swearing). So I when he said "Oh my God" I just said "You mean, oh my goodness?" and I kept doing that until he was going around the house saying oh my goodness in stead. Now he doesn't say either...and I think it helped that I didn't make a big deal about it. He just thought he had said whatever it was wrong.

So, if he picks up another word like that try not to make a big deal about it which sort of cements it into his memory (at least until he is a little older).

But with the S-word, since he's already picked it up, you might want to try the coin jar method. Have two jars--in the first put some change (quarters, nickles, whatever). Have a jar with your name and one with his name. Tell him each time he uses the s-word that he has to put a coin from his jar into your jar. If you swear you have to put a coin into his jar. Tell him you will take him to spend it (the coin machines with the little candy and toys at the supermarket are a good place) at the end of the week--whatever he has left.

Answer 4

Whoops!! Guess what...you are in big trouble. But you can NOT spank him-makes the problem worse. You can give him time-outs and teach him not to say that. You can also talk to him and say that was not a good word to say. But do not take the turtle collection away-makes problems worse. If you like I can give you an advice: watch his behavior and talk to the teacher about how he was doing at school. When you get home, ask the home caregiver (if he has one) how he was doing and ask if he said the "SH" word or not. And of course, keep monitoring him CLOSELY until you feel that he does not say the "SH" word any longer. That should resolve your problem.

Answer 5

This happened with my 3 year old with a different word. The only way I can get him to stop is by ignoring it. Most people think thats awful but so far it is all that has worked for me. I like you had tried every disciplinary act I could think of with no luck. I kept getting on to him because I didn't want to ignore it after I had been punishing him earlier and then him think he had "won" It was a phase and he eventually quit but it took weeks. This last time - with a different word- however I didn't say anything I just pretended like I hadn't heard him.. and believe it or not he hasn't said it again? I think they say these things to get a reaction!

Answer 6

You need to do the complete opposite. Completely IGNORE HIM when he says this word! Do not even acknowledge that you heard hims say it! Make sure everyone else is consistent with this, too. He is very young and does not understand. You must ignore him and when he sees that he no longer gets a reaction from you (either negative or positive), then he will stop saying it. It may be a good idea to let him watch more appropriate TV as well!

Answer 7

He is reacting to you reacting. Ignore it and pay not attention to it. If he realizes that you are not going to react, the word has lost its power. And, it is just the same as the word "tree" "bear" "front door". Just another word in the English language. Dont worry, it will clear up. Other people will help you out with that. And give him things to distract himself so that he isnt thinking of ways to upset you. (Yes all kids manipulate to get good and bad attention from their parents!) Put him in a playgroup or a preschool program. Give him something else to do with his time. But please ignore it, and it will go away!!

Answer 8

Make sure you've explained to him why it's a bad word and he shouldn't say it.

If he still does, ignore him. He loves the attention he's getting now.

Also, CAS recommends hot sauce rather than soap.

Answer 9

ok look.. the more you take things away from him, and the more you yell & punish him, you'll be increasing the problem. It has to do with psychology.. hes at that stage right now where he wont get what hes doing wrong..i think u shud just ignore him wen he says it, change the subject to something else, give it some time.. if he still continues then its best to explain to him it's wrong.

Answer 10

when kids notice a negative reaction from mom or dad they tend to keep doing it. what worked with us was not ignoring it, but giving permission to, and not reacting to it. the first time one cussed in front of other people that did react i just calmly said yes she learned a new word isn't it wonderful. it took about a week but they got bored with it.