Have you ever had to tell someone to back off just to have them not 'get it' So you got more and more direct. Finally you had to snap at them and hurt their feelings before they took you seriously... Then they just sat around crying and wondering what happened and how you could be so dispresectful. They put guilt trips on you for hurting them and they act almost scared of you?
I had this happen with my family and all I asked for was some space because they were extremely invasive in my life.
Has anyone else had bounderies back fire?
2006-12-25 17:00:19 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
yes. been there.. still going through the 'you are so hurtful and disrepsectful stage'. Guilt trips... blame.. kinda like an adult temper tantrum. YOu are not the only one...
2006-12-25 17:36:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh yes it has happened to me also, but it probably has to most everyone. I'm experiencing an issue like this right now. It's up to the "snapping" stage because the person refuses to stop at the bounderies I have set. It's sad when someone won't listen to another until it turns into a major issue. The person I am having trouble with is a very controlling and meddlesome person that believes she has the right to tell me what to do, how and where to live, how to dress, etc. I didn't want to hurt the womans feelings but she is leaving me no choice in the matter now....so I know how you feel.
2006-12-26 01:11:33 · answer #2 · answered by slick chik 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change of anytime in never easy and often painful.
In every case where I have been lax and lazy on setting up boundries then try to go back and repair the damage, the same situation as you decribed above happens as they are shocked and hurt because you have put up with such crap in the past they don't understand why you don't continue to do so. They are hurt, and sometimes angry because they feel like you are changing the rules of the game without their consent.
Bottom line is you have decided to set up these boundries because the old way of doing thing wasn't working for you. Depending on what type of boundries, you can sometimes discuss it with your loves ones and you can agree on boundries ahead of time and then they can't cry foul because this is what they have already agreed to, even if it is not convenient for them now. However, this cannot happen if the other person is not agreeable at all to any type of change; in that case, you have to set the boundry and stick to it, no matter how much of a fuss they put up. They will either learn to accept the boundries or distance the relationship...the choice is theirs.
2006-12-26 01:08:57 · answer #3 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes... it does happen all the time.
It is not your fault...
Most people are living in their own little world and are ignoring the needs of everyone else. You try talking to them and it is like talking to a brick wall.
Talk to them again... but ignore the guilt trip... tell them what you want and try to establish a compromise so that they don't feel like sore losers. Take a little... give a little. That's what make the world go around.
One more thing however... if those people are your parents... you own them some respect... never forget that everything you have... you own it to them. They brought you in this world and made many sacrifices to bring you up.
2006-12-26 01:12:46 · answer #4 · answered by Aussies-Online 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From my experience boundaries only work when you enforce them fully. It becomes harder as the level of the relationship becomes higher (parents, spouse, children,etc.). The best thing to do is sit them down and calmly but firmly explain to them what they are doing. Let them tell you their side but only until they start to make you feel guilty - PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. Making someone feel guilty is no different than blackmail, except that they are bargaining with your emotions. If it continues let them know that you're relationship with them will be put on hold until they are willing to treat and respect you as an adult. They are going to do everything that they know how to make you feel bad, but as long as you keep to your position they'll eventually come around. If they don't ask yourself if you really need all that drama in your life.
2006-12-26 01:53:47 · answer #5 · answered by Michael K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my bestfriend decided she wonted to start rumores i tried to tell her stop and she kept doing it so i had to make threats until she got scared of me...then next thing i know she started crying and it was all my fault..all my friends turned agaisnt me. made me feel like i was wrong.my bestfriend thought i was wrong for doing that to her and she was just ms.2 perfect. but she gone have her day....
2006-12-26 01:21:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO I'M A BLUNT PERSON. MAYBE A LIL TO BLUNT. BUT IF U HOLD IN ANYTHING THAT'S BOTHERIN U. U WILL SNAP. AND W/ TIME U'LL LEARN HOW TO HANDLE IT BETTER. IF IT BUGS U NOW THEN IT MEANS ITS ALWAYS GOIN TO BUG U. BEST OF LUCK
2006-12-26 01:04:10 · answer #7 · answered by kelly p 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes....
2006-12-26 01:08:44 · answer #8 · answered by veronica c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋