My son just turned one two weeks ago and just started throwing these tantrums. He is very loved. My husband and I never ignore him. We always play with him, praise him, and give him all the love that he needs. He just started walking on his first birthday, so I am wondering if these temper tantrums are coming as a part of his "independance" of crawling? When my son begins to throw these screaming fits he starts smashing his toys and I don't yell at him, I just simply say firmly, "NO." He looks at me and then starts screaming. I just walk away and let him cry because i am afraid that if I cater to his screaming fit that it will only allow him to keep on doing this. Is this wrong? I feel like I am being terrible? My sister in law and mother in law think I am being wrong for letting him cry during his temper tantrums, but I do not want this to become a habit to him. He is a great baby otherwise just he has these fits. Am I being wrong for walking away and letting him cry?
2006-12-25 16:49:22 · 13 answers · asked by happynay 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You are SSOOO doing the right thing! He is doing exactly what he is supposed to do by asserting his independence and becoming an individual. Your job is to teach him which behaviors are appropriate and how to get his needs met in a peaceful and healthy manner.
Be sure to tell him why screaming doesn't work. 'I don't want you to scream at me and throw toys. It hurts my ears and my feelings.' Be sure to give him lots of other ways to get what he wants. 'If you want a cookie just ask me nicely.' or 'If you want a cookie then you need to clean up your toys first.' Kids need to feel in control of some parts of their life. If you give them lots of choices, then they have lots of control in choosing from your preapproved options. 'If you want a cookie you can clean up your toys, or you can turn off the TV first. You choose.'
When he is done with a tantrum after you successfully ignored him, give him lots of positive reinforcement. Be sure to tell him what he does correct more often than what he does wrong. 'That was a very nice way to ask for a toy! Thank you!' Or if you still have to say no; 'That was a great way to ask, but no cookies now. We have to wait until after dinner.'
Tantrums happen, with some good strategies, you will see them less and less.
2006-12-26 02:52:13 · answer #1 · answered by Greta K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT let anyone else tell you how to raise your child. I know this is hard when it's family, but you are doing the best thing.
Never ever give in to a childs tantrums, the best thing to do is to ignore it, they are looking for attention wether is it good attention or negative attention. If you ignore them, they will soon realize that they are doing it for nothing and they are getting nothing out of it. Also don't let him know it bothers you, he wins.
Tantrums are very normal at his age, be prepared for many more years of this. tantrums do not result from bad parenting, I'm sure you are great parents, this is just normal experimenting on his part to see how much he can get away with and how long does he have to scream before he gets what he wants.
He will also use tantrums to communicate, I'm sure his words aren't developed much yet, also completely normal at is age so tantrums are his way of communicating, still DO NOT GIVE IN, this is a great way to teach him how to use more of his words and the proper way to ask for things, also he needs to accept the meaning of NO.
Try not even telling him no to the tantrum, maybe your no results in him throwing a fit, but don't even tell him the fit is bad, just ignore him and when he stops crying, then make sure you acknowlege his presence. Ask him if he is done yet, then you can talk. He will learn that you pay better attention to him when he behaves good rather than when he's kicking and screaming. Hope this helps!!
2006-12-26 01:31:02 · answer #2 · answered by rockangel80 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one because every child is different. It sort of depends on what is triggering these events. I would probably try [but only briefly] to stop the tantrum before it got going, to try diverting him with a toy or by picking him up or SOMETHING. If he is tantruming to get something he wants, then do NOT give it to him or this will reinforce the tantrums. I know this seems...simple...but most of the people I've been around the last 10 years will do anything to stop their kids from having tantrums,and will just give them what they want. I can tell you that although tantrums start at 1 or so, if you give in, they will continue till about...say...9. That might sound shocking, but I have had so many friends whose 9 yo's have 'meltdowns.' If you don't give in, then tantrums will recede and leave with the toddler years.
2006-12-26 00:57:29 · answer #3 · answered by Cris O 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I learned that after a child reaches a milestone they go through a phase each time tantrums and what not. It is normal. Keep doing what your doing and eventually he will be over it and realize your not going to put up with it. my children would do that too sometimes I would walk away and other times I would imitate them. like if they yelled and screamed and got on the floor so did I and they would stop then I would say pretty funny huh that's what you look like and they would be fine. or I would distract them with a toy or activity which works to. Anyways your not a bad parent and I think that your doing it right.
2006-12-27 05:11:28 · answer #4 · answered by Shari D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may be right about the indepence thing.
And NO YOUR ARE NOT A BAD MOM for letting him cry a little when he is throwing a tantrum.. He needs to know that you will not cater to him acting that way.
As for your mother and sister in law they are not the ones that have to live with a baby that is trowing a tantrum.
So you do what you have to do..It is your baby and your house.
Good Luck.
2006-12-26 00:57:50 · answer #5 · answered by LadyCatherine 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong. Let him cry and ignore him while he is having the tantrums. It is the only way to break him of it and if you give into him, he will get worse. The tantrums has nothing to do with his crawling. You are right by saying no and walking away, don't say any more to him.
2006-12-26 00:53:35 · answer #6 · answered by ruth4526 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Absolutely not anything a baby does that get attention they will keep doing it think of it this way if a kid hits another kid and you think its great and pay attention to it they will keep doing it. Or if you make a big deal out of it and talk about it for weeks they notice that be firm and put him in time out 1 min on a chair he will learn he sounds very smart you are doing a great job dont let anyone tell you any different hes your son.
2006-12-26 01:45:25 · answer #7 · answered by lovewhereilive 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No,it's NOT ok to leave him alone when he;s throwing a fit. That's the same as ignoring. You need to be with him and calm him down. I have 2 kids and we don't do that to them. We hold them until they calm down. You can read these books by Dr. William Sears about issues on parenting. He's very wise and sensitive. I love his idea of attachment parenting.
Your child needs to trust you as his mother, that's the basis of his trust to anyone else. Pls don't ignore him. I understand it can be very annoying to hear those screamings, but hang in there.
Here are his books that also talk abt temper tantrum:
The Discipline Book: How to Have a Better-Behaved Child From Birth to Age Ten by Martha Sears and William Sears
The Successful Child: What Parents Can Do to Help Kids Turn Out Well (Sears, William, Sears Parenting Library.) by William Sears, Martha Sears, and Elizabeth Pantley
The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two (Revised and Updated Edition) by William Sears, Martha Sears, Robert Sears, and James Sears
Check them out on amazon.com
2006-12-26 06:01:50 · answer #8 · answered by bogey 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes you are wrong...you need to distract him...this is KEY...I have six kids and also done daycare for many many years......Don't yell at him or yell no...just switch gears in your mind...don't be mad at him...figure out things that he likes or make him happy ...now get going with the distraction thing....it seriously works....Please try this for a while until your child is sure that this will be your response...he will have less tantrums..he is normal...and just ignore family members who are judgemental and try to make you feel you are inadequate...you can do this Mom...you love that baby...now get going and do your best...good luck...Love him....have some compassion....discipline comes in many forms.
but parenting is so much more than discipline...it is love and caring and joy in that little guys accomplishments.
2006-12-26 01:40:35 · answer #9 · answered by Olive 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes its perfectly normal for a one yr old to have temper tantrums he is going thru a stage right now of wanting to know what he can and can not get away with and if he cries check to see if he is alright and if he is alright then let him have his tantrem he will learn from that experience that you will not give into him so easy.
2006-12-26 00:59:09 · answer #10 · answered by brian v 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋