I don't let my kids get to know my mom to well because she thinks that I live an awful life and she thinks I am raising my kids all wrong. She is convinced that I am on my way to hell and is constantly hoping that I will change and I won't mess up my kids beyond repair. So when she does see them she is so huggy and full of gifts and hangs all over them, being as fun and cool as she can. I don't blame her really, I know it is hard for her that I keep things cool between her and her grandkids (I have talked to her, but I obviously can't change her beliefs).
So my question is:
- am I really pushing my children towards her because she seems so fun right now and they look forward to their visits with 'fun grandma'
- as the years go on, will they see (WITHOUT me grandma bashing), that I didn't want religious grandma making my kids choose between their mommy and their grandma, because grandma says that she has the only truth and mommy is living in sin?
2006-12-25 16:46:25 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
no, lol. I live a good and clean life. I don't abuse my children. And not letting them see her is not an option. I don't have the heart to cut them off from her.. I love my mom to much despite it all not to let her see her grandkids at all.
2006-12-25 16:54:08 · update #1
they will form their own opinions when older. It is good that you are not sheltering them from 'grandma's beliefs' entirely... expose them now and you can answer their qeustions.. ANd when they are older, they are not all' wow, grandma has this whole new life I never knew exisited, I think I"ll convert!'. They may anyway, but the more exposure to different things they have, the more welll rounded they will be. YOua re doing good
2006-12-25 17:34:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mom may be overly religious, but she's obviously clever. Keep the lines of communication open, but remember that when it all boils down, YOU are their mother, and you have a lot of influence on them. Raise them the best you can and don't let Grandma wear you down.
Kids aren't stupid. They may not know right now why you hold back but they will pick up the cues that there's some kind of tension between the two of you. Sooner or later, she's going to start trying to convert them, and that will be your chance to explain your side of the story. When you do, don't bash Grandma - she's probably already bashed you to them by that point, which will lean them your way - just that Grandma believes that ______ is wrong, but you don't agree with her about that.
If you explain in a way that doesn't say that Grandma's bad or mean, just that you don't agree, while Grandma's talking about you being a sinner and going to hell... well, they're going to get a lot less fond of Grandma awfully quick.
2006-12-25 17:01:06 · answer #2 · answered by triviatm 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep a very open relationship with your kids that anytime something bothers them they can come and talk to you. I will tell you two things, first you cannot teach old dog new tricks and the second one is Grandma can do what ever she wants because you can take the horse to water but you cannot make it drink and if you use force to feed water then they will resent the action. So do not loose sleep over it.
It is good that your children have open access to people so diffrent from you. It just gives them a chance so early in life to understand the different nature of people and may be learn how to tackle them.
Be positive, every thing will be alright.
2006-12-25 16:55:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your mother cannot support you in front of your own children, then she has no right to be visiting them at all. I would be honest about it with your kids, saying that you and grandma don't agree on what is best for them, so you feel like you need to limit time with her. Even if she does not believe in your way of life, she has absolutely no right to talk about it with your kids. For right now, they might think grandma is the best thing ever, but in the long run, if you are honest with them, they are going to understand why you made your choice. As long as you are loving your kids and treating them like they are the absolute best things in the whole world (not spoiling them, but telling them how awesome they are, how much you love them, respecting them, etc), they will never love anyone more than mommy.
2006-12-25 16:50:19 · answer #4 · answered by bashnick 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
In my life I have learned when I have people in my life there is some good stuff and bad that I have to work through. The alternative to no one in my my life is I'm alone. I admire you for working through this relationship with your Mom and not transferring your feelings to your children or depriving them of a relationship with their Grandmother. You can't do anything about your Mom's ideas or actions. What you can do is continue showing your children a loving Mother who does not judge or swap hurts for hurts. It sounds like you have a handle on whats best for your family and God Will honor a loving heart so you just keep on keeping on.
2006-12-25 23:50:14 · answer #5 · answered by grandmama 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may be pushing them to her, but as they get older they will see. I think it's hard when you are trying to be nice and play in the middle. It's a fine line you walk. I don't know the extreme's but if she was a real danger, I would be concerned about letting them be with her at all. Depending on what she thinks is bad about you, she could be right. Are you a drug dealing prostitute that sells her kids? See, without all the info it could go either way.
2006-12-25 16:52:20 · answer #6 · answered by dana j 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes Christians go all wrong---Did she raise you? She didn't do a good job of getting the message to you so what makes her think she can keep preaching.
Just let them know that grandma is convinced that she is correct--but that she doesn't know everything.
You can't try to keep your children from hearing about Christ---that is their decision to believe.
From what you've said you are doing a good job of letting them be exposed to both sides of the issue. I wish you would have put more information about your beliefs.
2006-12-25 16:55:29 · answer #7 · answered by MamaCat 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm glad your not bashing grandma, that would lower you to her standards. I am a Christian and I assume that's what your mom is talking about " living in sin".
Have a heart to heart talk with her privately. Tell her you love her and you believe she has a right to worship and believe what she wants. but you don't appreciate her comments and that they are hurtful to you and your relationship with her.
Tell her Jesus himself said He did not come to condemn the world. He also said, He who is without sin, cast the first stone! Of course no one did.
Tell her if she really believes this way, she should do what God himself instructed us to do-pray. You would appreciate her prayers not her condemnation. There are tons of scripture that tells us the power of prayer avails much.
Who knows? Maybe you can pray for her that you both have peace about this and learn to love each other without being judgmental. Leave the judgment for Jesus! Hope this helps! Good luck and God bless you!
2006-12-25 17:01:29 · answer #8 · answered by fourbearsandacat 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What you must realise is that no-one can turn your kids against you. My mother is similar and she puts me down to my kids all the time. My kids laugh at her and think she is a funny. I talk to my kids and let them know that she doesnt mean bad she just doesnt know any better. As kids get older they make up their own minds about people. My mother gives my children everything but that doesnt change the way my kids see her. Old fashioned and narrow minded.
Dont worry you and your kids will be fine.
2006-12-25 17:06:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋