I have a male friend that I have recently started sleeping with. I've had a crush on him forever but after truly getting 2 know him for the past year and a half, I have fallen in love with him. In my heart I feel that he is the 1 for me. Not because he's cute or anything like that. I mean on a much deeper level. We've connected more than I thought I ever could've with a man. He knows most of how I feel. He admits that we DO have strong connection & he loves being my friend. The problem is that he is not looking for a relationship now. He was hurt in the past and now his focus is his career and school. I completely understand & support his decision, however I am ready to be with someone at this point in my life. I don't feel I can just wait to see if he'll ever come around & want more from me. I want to give up so that if we don't end up together, it will be because of my decision & not because he rejected me. Am I just a punk? & if it's real love, how could giving up even be an option?
2006-12-25 16:00:54 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If I were you I would talk to him and be honest with him. And if doesn't want what you want then the best thing to do is give him up. I know it is hard. But if you want to be with someone and have a serious relationship and he doesn't then the best thing to do is give up and move on before it gets to deep and you both wind up hurting each other.
2006-12-25 16:10:04 · answer #1 · answered by Andie F 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a very hard situation. It sounds that both you and him are meant for each other. He has two roads to take, focusing on his career and school or going with his heart, you. Focusing on his career and you supporting him is a good thing, but you can't be there for him for so long that he gives up on love. But remember, because of his last heartbreak, you have to help him understand that you can be fully trusted and will always be there for him. He might be holding back because of his past experience, but if he knows that you will be there for him, he might change his plans.
Going with his heart, you, he will have to feel that this decision was the right one. This sounds like real love, but you cannot wait for something to happen, you have to make it happen.
2006-12-26 00:32:15 · answer #2 · answered by Dottie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you are being a punk at all; you are being real with yourself and guarding your very vulnerable heart-strings. It is good that you are doing this, many people don't. Now that you've slept with him, I'm not sure if you could 'just be friends' or I would suggest that. I am going through something similar so I can truly relate. I think because you have grown to love him, as you said it is not his looks, that it is going to be harder for you to detach. I suggest you tell him how you feel about your situation and leave it at that. Either you or he will pull away or you'll turn into something real and perhaps he'll realize your sit. I hope it works out for you; I believe everything happens for a reason. :)
2006-12-26 00:06:55 · answer #3 · answered by Mokimberly 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well it is good that you both love eachother. But ask him what he thinks. If he honestly feels like he could absolutely never get into the relationship you want, it is time to move on. But if there is some hope then continue your relationship without letting him get into the habit of using you. Not only as a sex thing but also he may have troubles being with people. If he depends on you too much then he is just using you.
2006-12-26 00:13:47 · answer #4 · answered by rezruf 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So you're sleeping with him and you're NOT in a relationship? So this means you're both able to see and/or sleep with other people? (Whether you are or are not is irrelevant...if he is able to, then he is. Period.)
If this is the case, then of course he's not going to want to change anything. All the fun and no strings attached. He wants you for a f*ck friend, Hon. He's not ready to settle down, and if you are, then it's time to move on. Maybe in a few years, after he gets his running around done, you might be able to reconnect and move forward. But for now, this is just not going to happen. I'm sorry, but you just can't force men to settle down. Good luck and I wish you the best...
2006-12-26 00:11:07 · answer #5 · answered by Silverwolf 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just be his friend. If it's meant to be whether it's 10 years from now it will happen.Please don't put your life on hold for him...cause life is too short. Perhaps him seeing you going on with your life without him will be a wake up call of what he is missing...you. Besides it's good that he has the mind to be stable...no girl wants a bum.I think you should tell him fully how you feel.....not that you want him to change his mind , but so you won't go through life thinking "what if" or "i should have told him".
2006-12-26 00:11:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear...if you are really in love with this guy...then you must be willing to take the sacrifice. It's not by giving up...but ...by being patient to let him realize that he really mean so much to you...that you're there to help him mend his broken heart...that your limitless love will be the soothing balm to cure his hurting heart . It's not only through words but show it through your actions. That is what real love is...willing to suffer and sacrifice for the beloved. You have to give up if you're not welcome...but he's sleeping with you and he himself admitted about having this strong connection between you...so let this bond be your guiding oar to show him how much you care for him.Happy holidays!!!!
2006-12-26 00:13:33 · answer #7 · answered by dimma59 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The timing is not right on this one. It's not meant to be. You could be missing out on the truly right one by holding onto him. He's been honest with you, and said he's not ready. Don't force something that's not ready to happen. There's someone else out there for you.
2006-12-26 00:16:59 · answer #8 · answered by Chatelaine 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's using you.
You are "friends with benefits" and that is only benefiting him. He doesn't have to commit, doesn't have to buy you flowers or remember to call you when he's going to be late, and doesn't have to worry about being "tied down."
You, on the other hand, are stressing out about what it all means, forming bonds, and becoming more attached to him.
This is NOT healthy, and this is NOT real love. Real love is a shared, mutual commitment between two people who put each other -- NOT themselves -- first. This guy is putting himself and his needs before yours.
Get out of this relationship and find someone who respects you.
2006-12-26 00:05:35 · answer #9 · answered by wnk 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
dont give up: let him know that u care. tell him hows u feel, then leave him alone. dont pester him about it, but dont try and do anything to like make him jealous. my friend and i like each other, and we both know, but hes taken. he constantly reminds me that i matter to him, but it goes no farther. continue being his friend.
2006-12-26 00:06:46 · answer #10 · answered by ~*[{BasKeT CasE}]*~ 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋