here is what my friend Asked " I need help my daughter keeps lying and I am at my wits end. She is 9 years old and will be 10 this spring. Do any of you out there have any suggesions i can use??? Please I have ran out and realy dont want to resort to spanking her as my father did me."
2006-12-25 16:00:24 · 16 answers · asked by JASON T 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
she needs to learn there are consquences for when she lies like privilieges get taken away such as the tv. video games the phone anything she enjoys doing should be taken away and earned back by only telling the truth. It needs to be explained that when you lie no one can trust you and since you lie so much it will take a long while before someone can trust in you. ( I hope this helps)
2006-12-25 16:04:29 · answer #1 · answered by cutiepie81289 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs to see what the girl would gain by lying, then ABSOLUTELY make SURE she does NOT get whatever she seeks, whether it is attention or whatever. She needs to have some sort of consequence EVERY SINGLE TIME she lies, no matter how small the lie. Also, one important reason to not lie is that people will not believe you even when you are telling the truth, so if your friend even SUSPECTS the daughter is lying, the consequence should be inacted. When the child says BUT I WAS TELLING THE TRUTH, of course your friend must point out that she has lied so many times that daddy can no longer tell when she is lying, and since this seems to be a lie, the consequence must follow. The inevitability of the consequence is FAR more important than its severity.
2006-12-25 16:35:06 · answer #2 · answered by Cris O 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, as a former daddy's girl I have to answer this question. I had parents who thought I was just the sweetest thing in the world. Until my teacher called them and explained that I wasn't doing homework and was missing assignments left and right. My parents were surprised and none to pleased to say the least. I had been lying to both of them who work different parts of the day so one of them was always home with us. I would tell my dad I was doing homework with mom and tell mom I was doing homework with dad. Then I was writing myself notes and signing dad's name. I gave every excuse in the book for about 6 months until I got caught. My best friend told on me one day when we got into an argument. After my parents had a conference with my teacher they grounded me, that did nothing. Then they started taking away stuff, I would just get it out and use it when they weren't around. Finally my dad had enough and tried taking everything out of my room except for my clothes and mattress. That still didn't do it. So finally, my dad gave me my first spanking in my young life. He had always been a non spankee. He didn't believe in it til then. But let's just say that I hate pain and a good spanking has always gotten me right back into shape. My dad never injured me or anything like that. He just hit me with his bare hand. Afterwards we would have a long talk about what I had done. I don't know why people are so against spanking these days. I must have recieved quite a few growing up, especially in my younger teenage years and I think it really helped me. I got my last spanking about a month after my 18th bday. My dad caught me ditching school. Long story short it was the first time I tried that and the last time I tried it. And for all those people who say your kids will hate you if you spank them...that's bs! My dad and me are very close even to this day and always have been.
2006-12-29 13:20:56 · answer #3 · answered by littledeaftink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any sort of punishment, whether it be some of the drastic "dismember her room, make her life miserable" will further isolate and anger the person, creating the need for her to lie even more. I believe that everyone bends the truth or lies because of fear-fear from punishment or "consequences". Is she afraid of your friend? Does your friend explode-yelling or screaming if the person is honest and open about the truth?
I have a stepmother that often explodes, yelling and threatening. I have learned that there are some things, sadly and unfortunately, are not in my best interest to share with her. Often, I don't have the patience and ability to handle her explosions without me personally becoming enraged or terribly scared.
I believe kids have incredible instincts. Instead of looking at the kid having a problem, see her as an indicator. Does your friend have the anger/problem management he wants? Also, is he upfront with his feelings and needs? It's difficult to expect honesty from kids if the adults around them aren't honest with themselves about their feelings and their needs.
Finally, kudos to the parent. Parenting is extremely difficult under today's pressures and stresses. Just asking for help shows that your friend is headed in the right dirrection.
2006-12-27 08:46:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the lies are more like exaggerations I would say she is having low self esteem. I would not spank as spanking never works, and it isn't warranted here, just as a harsh punishment isn't either. Just tell her that your guessing that the "something" is not the truth, and that she doesn't have to lie because she is beautiful and smart and you love her so she can tell you the way things really are and she doesn't have to make things sound better just for you. You will love to listen to her telling things just the way they are. Try to make her say the words out loud, "I am beautiful and smart." whenever she needs a boost of self confidence; and let her know you think so also. Confidence is everything.
2006-12-25 16:27:43 · answer #5 · answered by thequeen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
every time she lies or does anything bad make an X on a dry erase board, if she gets 3 x's in one day, she is not alowed to do ANYTHING for the next day, if she gets 9 x's within one week, she is grounded for the whole next week, meaning she is to do absolutely NOTHING....for the days that she is good and does not lie give her a smily face on the board, if she gets 3 smilies in a week, reward her by taking her shopping, or to a movie, something that she would enjoy doing..... make sure that her mother lets her know what the x's and smilies mean...once she is grounded enough times she will understand that it is not ok to lie..........when the daughter lies, the mom needs to not say anything, she just needs to go to the board and put the x...no questions asked....a mother knows when her child is lying and it does get aggravating.......if feel for her, i was basically the mother for my younger brother and sister and when they would lie to me, that is what i did...it took them a few times of being grounded but they started to understand. The mom needs to stick her ground and not let her daughter do anything the days that she is grounded, eat, bathe, potty, and homework ONLY!!!
Im really not a mean person and it may sound harsh, but it does work and i hope that this works for your friend.
2006-12-25 16:13:02 · answer #6 · answered by toloveastephanie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Consequences for bad behavior dont have to include hitting. Taking away privledges, earlier bed times, grounding, more chores, etc. Normally work. She is lying to get attention or get out of trouble. In either case you have to look at why and the cause.
2006-12-25 18:13:52 · answer #7 · answered by fancyname 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take everything out of her room. I mean everything.....posters, favorite clothes, all the way down to the thumbtacks. Sounds dramatic, but you want dramatic results right? You don't have to provide anything more than necessities...that means a mattress and a blanket, food (not her faves), clothes (like a white buttons up shirt and blue slacks) nothing designer. He needs to show her who the boss is in that house. This little girl is changing a corner of being a little girl into a young teenager..she needs clear boundaries now more than ever...... this is semi-normal behavior. Also, keep in mind that she may also be going through a hormonal changes as well as mental. She thinks she is more grown up than she really is. She's not a little girl and not a teenager...more like a Tweenie.
As she starts to prove her self as an honest person,slowly reintroduce some of her "luxuries" back into her life.
I wish you luck!!!
2006-12-25 16:11:26 · answer #8 · answered by yidlmama 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It shouldn't be annoying, not offencivley but if she has friends coming over that means she has A LOT of friends, which is good. Next time she comes over and your daughter wants to play tell them to play on the trampoline or ride bikes.
2016-05-23 06:59:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to have him read her the book about crying wolf...there needs to be strict consequences when she is caught lying and then praise her when she tells the truth as well...I would also give her examples of things that can happen in life like people not wanting to be her friend or people getting into trouble for lying, or her being labeled and no one trusting her even when she is telling the truth
2006-12-25 17:18:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋