This might be a VERY difficult question to answer, but here it goes. I rasied my son (or had custody of him) up to 6 months of age. The day he turned 6 months, I was sitting in jail... both my boyfriend & I. My boyfriend (who is also the father of my child) & I lost custody of our son due to drug use. DSS (Dept. of Social Services) got involved. Anyway, to make long story short, what I am wondering is, does my son even know who I AM to him? Does he know I am his "mommy?" He is 14 months now (a little over a year) and I don't think he has a clue. I do have visitation rights and they are supervised (until further notice). My man's aunt has temporary custody of him. It gets to me that he doesn't show me affection the way he does her. I get jealous. I only see him like twice a month. Sometimes I think that he doesn't even know who I am and that I'm just another human being to him. It hurts. And for the record, I am clean/ sober and am trying to get him back. My b/f & I, both.
2006-12-25 15:58:42 · 12 answers · asked by Tracy 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
To be honest, he probably has no clue as to who you are..he is too young to comprehend anything that has happened. I was put into foster homes when i was 7 and eventually adopted when i was 11.....One of the foster homes I was in, I was with my youngest brother until he turned 3.....When I had visitations with him a few years later he did not recognize me or know who I was.....the best thing you can do is to make most of your visits and show appreciation to the family who is watching your child. I am sooo happy that you are clean and trying to get your life and family back together. I would also, if I were you, try to get into your local christian women's job corps. They will help you...they also have a lot of good connections! Just keep staying clean and show them that you will be a positive influence and keep the faith that you will get him back!!!!!!
Good Luck! And Merry Christmas!
2006-12-25 16:05:52 · answer #1 · answered by marymojo2002 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how you been toward with him. Have you asked him questions on who you were? Does he even know what the situation is right now? Does he know that your b/f's aunt is just a person who's taking care of him? Nonetheless, your boy is in the stage where he needs to be loved and cared for, and your b/f's aunt has been doing that.. so that's why maybe he's showing a lot of love to the aunt instead of you. Next time you meet him, try meeting him as a another human being, instead of a distant memory in his mind. When he shows you a little affectionate, then you can start returning to the concerned mother you've been all along.
2006-12-26 00:16:47 · answer #2 · answered by :P_ danchoo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have not had custody of your son since he was 6 months old and he is now 14 months old, then, unfortunately, no, he won't realize that you are his mother. As far as he is concerned, the person who feeds, comforts, nurtures and loves him on a daily basis is the person he thinks of as "mother".
This must be very sad for you, but maybe if one person reading your question thinks about this and decides not to make the same mistakes as you and your boyfriend did, then that's a good thing.
Meanwhile, work hard to get your life back on track, stay clean and sober, visit your son whenever you are able to and maybe one day you will get your son back, and from then on you can be the kind of mother that you really want to be. If you continue visiting at least you will be a familiar person to him, but please be aware that if and when he is taken from your husband's Aunt and placed back in your care, it might be very difficult for him to make that transition. A year for you is not a long time, but for him it is almost his whole life.
Good Luck - stay clean!
2006-12-26 00:07:50 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are seeing your son, he knows who you are. He won't see you as his caretaker because he is too young to understand, but you are a familiar person to him. It's understandable that you feel jealous, but try not to let it get to you. Try and feel grateful that someone he knows is giving him the loving care you want him to have. If you keep on the right track, you will have him back soon enough and it won't take long for him to realize your vital role in his life. Just make a point to bond with him and enjoy him as much as possible during your visits. Stay clean and sober and do what they need you to so you can get your son back. Once you have him you can throw all your energy into re-bonding with your son and loving him. Hopefully he'll be young enough when you are reunified that the love and stability and care you give him will erase memories of living with someone else, but you will both appreciate his aunt for the love and care she gave him while you were not allowed to. Good Luck to you.
2006-12-26 00:09:31 · answer #4 · answered by Steph 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is very heartbreaking and i can't imagine the tremendous pain this causes you. i feel so bad for you all.
separation anxiety sets in at about 8 months of age, because that is when a child finally realizes he is separate from his mom. before 8 months, then, while he was crazy about you and wanted you probably a whole lot more than you were giving him, he hadn't differentiated himself from you.
if the aunt raising him now is willing to continue raising him for good, you shouldn't try to get him back because he has already suffered a traumatic loss of you and has now bonded to someone else. to come back to you means he will be horribly traumatized again - and he will lose his mother. you are not his mother anymore, horrible as it is to say that.
fortunately, in a sad way, this happened before he was 8 months old. psychologists believe that the loss of a mother after 8 months old is something a child cannot recover from emotionally. he apparently has recovered and has bonded to someone else. hopefully, she will want permanent custody and stay his mom and hopefully you will be as loving to your son as the mother in the story about solomon and the two moms - the true loving mom would rather give her baby up than have him and hurt him by having him.
it sounds so harsh i can scarcely believe i'm writing it, but he has rights. you failed him, but he still has rights and needs and they must be met.
mess with his ability to attach to other people and the hole in his soul will be so huge he'll always be trying to fill it with something unhealthy.
if she is not willing to take permanent custody, then it would be better for him to come back to you than go to a third person. if you actually marry and get serious about being responsible, committed, family members.
2006-12-26 00:41:22 · answer #5 · answered by cassandra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will know who you are..it will only takes some times. ..
My mom could not relay raise me cause she was working 2 shifts full time.My aunt toke care of me. For a long time , i taught that my aunt was my mom and i use to dislike my mom cause she was tougher on me. And when i needed love and affection i use to run toward my aunt. But then i started to realize that she was my real mom,. The more time i spent with my mom the more i started to like her.( I spent 13 years with my aunt)
Don't ask me which one i like better (aunt or real mom) still now that i''m almost 30 , i don't know and it's not important all i know that i love my mom and if i causes her any pain it was not my fault...and I'm glad and feel so privilege to have a mom that work 2 shifts for me. I understand her sacrifice more then ever now that i have son and that I'm studying to pass my B.A.R. exam.
I hope that my story help...remember that you are cleaning yourself up for him...and you fortunate enough to have a son.
Your son is very young, the more times he spent with you..the more he will love you.
2006-12-26 00:20:31 · answer #6 · answered by maliciaxoxo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am sorry that things got out of hand and you lost your son. you should be proud that you trying to get your life together to get him back.
unfortunately he doesn't have that bond with you that he would have had if he was a bit older. as infants they bond with whoever is there consistently meeting their needs, which is his aunt right now.
luckily for you it hasn't been that long and he is still very small. if you get him back soon he will be able to form that mother/son bond again quickly. the older he gets, the harder it will be.
talk with your aunt and make sure that he sees pictures of you regularly...she says to him, that is his mommy and makes a big deal about going to see mommy. maybe you could video tape messages to him and read him books on tapes so that he could hear your voice and have a bit more interactions with you.
good luck. merry christmas. SD
2006-12-26 00:40:44 · answer #7 · answered by SD 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At six months of age they are just starting to realize who their parents are. If that's when you lost him he has more like than not already forgotten who you are. He will most likely see this aunt person as his mother now. This is normal, but I know it must hurt you to see it. But once you get your son back he can get used to you again. It will take time, though.
2006-12-26 09:34:17 · answer #8 · answered by Wiccan~Momma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats what you are a stranger to him . no he dont know you are his mother you have not been the one feeding and nurturing him when he needed it most. your feelings are hurt because he shows the aunt that has had him for 8 months more affection than you? get real you should have thought about that when you were using or selling drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its called responsibility! you need to get some.when you have kids you are supposed to be the one raising him not a stranger or a family member!!im sorry but i dont feel sorry for you.
2006-12-26 00:33:16 · answer #9 · answered by billie m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sadly No I don't think he will understand you are his mum. The primary care giver would be the one he is closest to. Stay clean and sober get him back and be the best parent you can be and he will soon be looking to you like the love of his life
2006-12-26 04:32:52 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋