my daughter does not respect my rules she is 19 and i have a 13 and 13 b an g i don't wont 1 to influence

Question

it has to do with drinking do you let her drink at home were you can at least keep an i on her and know she is safe or not let her and take a chance like most of us parents have done. please help drives me crazzy i dont wont my chld to turn in to an alcoholic

Answer 1

If the drinking age is 21, then demand that she respect you or move out on her own. You will be too worried and angry if she continues to live with you and do what she wants. Your younger children will pick up on it.

Once she tries to find an apartment on no money or buy food, maybe she come around.

It's not only drinking. If she's living in your house, eating your food, she should be helping with the younger kids, doing some housecleaning and cooking, and shopping for food.

Answer 2

IF you let her drink at home, then you become her co-dependent. She is old enough to make the decision to follow your rules as long as she lives in your home. If she doesn't, it's time for her to move out and she needs to be given a deadline of a month to find a place, a job, and get gone! That sounds tough (and it needs to be). You are right to set a good example for your younger children by standing by your rules. She's not a child any longer and if she decides to become an alcoholic, she needs to do it on her own money in her own place and pay her own consequences. It's the only way she will learn that choices have consequences.

Answer 3

Chuck, This is a tough one. I know you must love her, and that's why you need to talk to her realistically. What makes you think she will turn into an alcolholic? When she drinks does she drink until she's passed out, throwing up, or drunk? Does she have like a glass of wine and is done or is she kegging or just sloppy drunk? If she has an occasional drink or two,meaning a beer, mixed drink , or wine, once a week, she maybe just trying to act like an adult. If she is going out and getting piss-faced drunk, that is completely different. What are your families beliefs about drinking? Have you brought her up thinking drinking is sociallly acceptable at parties and special occasions, some families have wine with dinner every night. Has she seen and/or heard stories of your drunken experiences in the past. How your family views alcohol will have an impact on her and your other children.
It sounds as if you are concerned about her drinking so I'm assuming that she is getting drunk, or something like that. If this has been a one time event, I'd let her know I don't approve of the education she is giving her younger siblings and that it's not healthy or legal.. If it has happened more than once and she is arguementitive about it and wants to continue drinking you have many choices. First, contact her doctor, tell them about your problems with her drinking and ask for a physical and alcohol education for the two of you.
Perhaps learning how concerned you are and about how unhealthy and dangerous it is to drink to excess will motivate her to stop or if need be to seek treatment if needed.
Unfortunatlely, at 19 she is legal to vote, drive, have sex and live on her own, but in most of our 50 states she is not legal to drink.
Make sure she knows you love her but you will not tolerate her coming home drunk or drinking at home.
She is already infunecing your younger children in a negative way if she is drinking.
Let her know you are willing to help her stop professionally if needed. If she refuses to stop drinking or get help, then I would insist she move out. Not only is she hurting herself, her realtionship with you and her siblings, but she is teaching them it's okay to do dangerous behaviors that are illegal...
Tell her it's legal for her to move out, not drink.
Good luck to you all.

Answer 4

I can hardly beleive you are so niave!
If you let her drink at home so she doesn't go out drinking,
do you honestly think she 'never' drinks outside the home.
AND 'if' you don't want your daughter to become an alcoholic,
then ''STOP'' letting her drink at home.
It's is 'very' obvious that your daughter has control in your home,
and only because you have allowed it.
You say she does not respect your rules!
Well she 'never' will as long as she is in control.
Daughter or not, tough love needs to come in for a while.
Call the cops, or kick her out.
You will 'NEVER' be able to help a person when you are actually enabling them to continue on a destructive path.
TAKE CONTROL OF 'YOUR' HOME!!

Answer 5

She's old enough to have her own apartment or at least with a room mate. I left for college at 17 and by 19 had my own place. I loved it.

First of all, you're stunting her by keeping her at home at this advanced age. Secondly, she's legally old enough to make her own mistakes as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.

QUICK FIX:
1. Network with other family members.
2. Find out what other kids in the family around her age are willing to move into an apt. or over the garage.
3. Help them find a job. - Networking w/ family or friends.
4. Help them find a place.
5. Tell her you love her, but her adult lifestyle is better kept to herself in her own place. She can still visit though. (Takes all the mystery out of it.)
6. BIG KEY:
Keep telling her that you'd love to take her shopping for new dishes and sheets and you can't wait to see how she decorates her new bachelorette pad.

SELL IT GOOD!!

Answer 6

Thats the biggest mistake parents make. Whether she is in the house or anywhere else, the alcohol will still damage her system. Dont buy alcohol. She is not 21. So she can not buy it herself. If you cant control her, dont take it out on the younger one. Be fair to the 13 year old. Let the 19 go out and be an adult. Trust her because I dont think she is dumb enough to go out and do something stupid. Let life punish her. Its kind of to late for her. You shouldve laid the ground rules at an early age. Dont give her money and take her to school. (if she is in High school) If she does not go to school kick her out. She wants to be an adult.

Answer 7

well, you could boot her out of your house. At 19 in america kids have been drinking for several years, most start dabbling in eigth grade or so, you know this, you did the same thing when you were a kid dont act surprised. Since its not legal, most dont seem to gain any useful experience from being allowed to have a drink with meals at home, and end up going out and overdoing it at parties. She isnt going to turn into an alcoholic if she is not prone to it, and has a half decent life.

Answer 8

first of all if this is driving you crazy, then don't let her do it. If you allow her to do this at some point the other kids are going to throw it in your face. If she's drinking in your home , and you don't say anything, then you are in agreement with what's going on, remind her of the rules of your house , if she can't abide to them then she needs to find some where else to go. You are only enabling her to do what she wants. I know that you love your child, but you are the parent and you know whats best for her. You've been her age ,she hasn't been yours.

Answer 9

I thought the drinking age was 21---Do you drink? Don't allow any alcohol in your house--not even for you.
If that doesn't work try calling an AA chapter in your area and explain the situation. I'm sorry, I've never been to AA and I don't even drink---but you could ask one of the counselors if you can drag her irresponsible butt to a meeting.
If they can't help you they should be able to direct you.

Answer 10

Since she is underage, you need to put your foot down and say no drinking at all. She can get in huge trouble. With one lousy choice, she can kill herself or she could kill someone else. She needs to learn that you make the rules and if she cannot follow them, she needs to find a new place to live. Only mature adults are allowed to make their own choices, so if she wants to make the rules she needs to grow up.

Putting your foot down is the only way you are going to gain respect from any of your kids. If the younger ones see her walking all over you like this, they are going to know that they can get away with it, too, and they may start even younger than she did.