this xmas was pretty bad...i think it will be the last time i see my family. i have been mentally abused and manipulated by them for 35 years...my husband stood up to them when they were treating me like **** at xmas and my mom told us to leave because we ruined their xmas...then my brother physically threw me down and attacked my husband. i know i'm better off without them...because of the pain they have caused me my entire life...my husband has been my lifesaver...making me realize what they have been doing to me is wrong...but i just want them to love me...something i grew up not hearing...where do i begin to move on and realize that maybe to get myself better...it's time to let go? i feel ripped apart inside...knowing all that happened can't be fixed. why do i still feel the need to have my parents and for once hear them say that i did ok..and they love me?
2006-12-25 15:27:00 · 7 answers · asked by hrt 2 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Cancer
Hello!
I am so sorry Christmas with your family turned out this way. I'm going to gather that this isn't the first Holiday with them, or anytime with them, that this has occured.
I have felt as you do, with my Dad. I loved him and wanted his love back. His approval. But it was never to be. He only abused me. Told me I never should have been born& I'd never amount to anything..but he was wrong. So he was just toxic for me to be around him, depressing. So, I just cut the tie, in my mind. I think we all have that innate feeling of wanting our parents love & approval...would seem like the natural way to be. But sad to say, it's not that way. You have your own self worth and though this beats that up, your self worth should remain intaked. You have a Husband that loves you and you have his approval. He was very brave going up against your family, sounds like a great man you have there. You are fortunate there, so count that blessing.
Until you hear back from your parents... don't make contact... it will be hard, but for your own good. We just can't make our family as we would like things to be... not hurt. Yes, you will have a void, as I do, but please don't pursue this anymore, for your own sake. If/when they do contact you, tell them you are done looking for the love and approval that just isn't there. Maybe that will make them take a good hard look, as to what they have been doing to you for so long.
I wish you well! :)
2006-12-25 16:14:15 · answer #1 · answered by Sandra Dee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You begin your question with "severe depression" but it sounds like they were causing your depressive state, and you might have some of your depressive symptoms lifted if you were not in these highly tense states.
Family stress and holidays, as I am sure you know, are two of the most stress-causing factors in the list of "Most stressful Life Events" and combining the two are just setting a depressed person up for a miserable event. Especially when the family is one like yours ( or mine, since my family is just like that one!)
Once you realize that they do not want to have a stable, normal relationship with you, and it will never be the Norman Rockwell holiday picture that you long for in your life, you can move on and begin to develop your own holiday traditions within your own home, and the holidays can become meaningful to you in a different way.
It took me a few years to develop that with my little family without the brothers and sisters and inlaws, but now I have my little family, and we have our own customs, and we have PEACE. The rest of them don't speak to me, and I am no longer mired down by either my images of what family is supposed to be like and by being disappointed always, nor am I under constant attack by THOSE PEOPLE! Life is free for me, and I am free from the horrible emotions they caused.
You, too can feel better once you are free from all that ruckus. No one needs that on a holiday that is supposed to bring about all the happiness and serenity. Free your mind, and find your peace. You have the power to do it for yourself!
Good luck!
2006-12-25 15:35:43 · answer #2 · answered by luvmelodio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on and quit living in the past. Make a new life for yourself and find peace. 35 years is a long time. I grew up in a home where my parents were always very critical of everything and they never once in my life told me they loved me. Sometimes thats just the way it is. My mom was cold and not a very warm person. They are both gone now, and I try to make it up to my siblings. I bought them all something for Christmas and we are healing (all 7 of us) in our own time.
Time heals. Move on and let it be. Forget today and move on.
2006-12-25 16:57:52 · answer #3 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain. I have not visited my family for the holidays in several years. I used to seek their approval and support because of the pain of childhood. I found something called "Inner Bonding." It is a wonderful resource that has helped me become stronger and get on the path to healing....Check out the source below....
2006-12-25 15:32:19 · answer #4 · answered by happy4u 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are such a lucky woman to have a husband stand up for you against abusive family members. He is to be applauded. He is your place of safety and God bless him for it! So many people can't find love from their parents or siblings but that's THEIR PROBLEM, not yours. I think it is time to separate yourself from them physically and emotionally. Do not harbor ill feelings for them; perhaps they aren't capable of loving themselves enough to love anyone else. At any rate, forgive them in your heart and turn them loose. Close your eyes and "see" yourself handing them over to God to deal with them. DO NOT TAKE THEM BACK!! Focus your love on your husband and the love you know is there from him. God bless you in your time of letting go and healing.
2006-12-25 15:43:25 · answer #5 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are better off without them. Feel Lucky you have a wonderful hubby!Hold him tightly.
2006-12-25 15:36:38 · answer #6 · answered by thresher 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love your husband.
Think of youself as one of those person who don't have a family.
2006-12-25 15:41:46 · answer #7 · answered by BryanB 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋