My sister-in- law always has something negative to say to me every time the family gets together. I am an outsider, so to speak, her husband and my husband are brothers. For example, last time we were together she made a remark about my "FMP" shoes ( that's F--- Me pumps). This X-mas as my husband & I were going to his sisters house we brought a beer along to drink (we live about 50 min. away) & of course, I spilled half on me. When I came in I asked "my sis" could I have use of a hair dryer to dry my jeans. After a few words were exchanged about why I needed a dryer she(bad one)retorts (when no one was even talking to her) "What, do you need to be drunk to come to a family function?" I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!!. If this was my family I would know exactly what to do, but these are very calm, nice people and everyone says, "Well, that's just Betty". She doesn't say anything to anyone else but me. This is a large family and I really don't know the best way to handle this. HELP!!
2006-12-25 15:15:26 · 14 answers · asked by kelly m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Been there!
When I was engaged to my ex, his mother asked us if we were planning to have children. There are a lot of reasons why it wouldn't have been a good idea, and I would have said "no" if sis had given me the chance to answer, but she jumped in before I could. "I don't think they should have children because...." Like it was her business. She was constantly sticking her nose in, and when I'd object, she'd throw it in my face that "he's my brother." This is the reason that the ex is now an ex. Behind her back, he'd tell me something like, "She doesn't run my life. I'll do what I want. She had no right to say that to you." But danged if he'd say that to HER. And the family was all full of, "Oh, you just have to overlook her."
It sounds like you've already tried talking to her yourself. I'd say the best way to handle it, assuming your husband is not the jellyfish my ex was, is to ask him if he would please talk to his sister about how she treats you. And whatever you do, be sweet back, because in the end blood is thicker than water. If you cross her, your in-laws and maybe even your husband will be likely to take her side.
2006-12-25 15:27:29 · answer #1 · answered by cruztacean1964 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Talk about deja vu!! My brother is married to my husband's sister. They started dating six months after we did. They got married two weeks before us. We found out we were pregnant the same week, for crying out loud!! It's always been a competition...for the last twelve years!!! And in that twelve years, I've learned...
If there is a large group (reunion, etc) it is very easy to stay on the opposite side of the room. If you see her walking your way, casually move away from her destination. If she has you targeted, go to the bathroom. If you're in the middle of a conversation and she joins the group, don't make eye contact and don't confront her. If she ruffles your feathers, don't react. Just throw out a smirk and find a curt comeback, like "if you say so, hon". Be careful of insults; bite your tongue and say nothing if you can't diffuse the situation.
In smaller situations, avoid any sensitive subjects. I'm not saying change who you are to suit her, but choose your battles carefully. The spilled beer situation could have been avoided. Leave the beer at home. Don't give her extra ammo. And about the comment about your pumps, instead of getting defensive, ask her what she thinks would look better. If she can pull herself together to actually answer the question, listen to her and say, "Ok, I'll remember that." Of course you'll never USE her advice, but that doesn't matter at this point.
She's baiting you to establish her dominance in the family. Don't push back, but don't give an inch.
If you give someone enough rope, they'll hang themselves. Mind your manners and she'll look like the idiot, and apparantly most of the family knows that already. ;)
Good Luck to you!!
Blessings
2006-12-25 23:46:45 · answer #2 · answered by Silverwolf 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have established a long time ago what was acceptable and what was not. At some point you allowed her to disrespect you and you did nothing , so she has continued to do so, because you have not did, or said anything to correct this. Take her to the side and tell her that not once have you disrespected her in front of the family, and that you would appreciate if she did the same, let her know that if she continues that she will be dealt with (smile).
2006-12-25 23:33:15 · answer #3 · answered by Priscilla B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like she's jealous of you. Usually when women get bitchy like that they are anyway. You need to develop some really good one-liners that you deliver with a smile. When she said that comment about needing to be drunk, you could have said " Only the ones you're at." Deliver it with a smile and walk away. Oh, and the FMP say,"My husband and I have "plans" later. Don't take her too seriously she's pathetic. Laugh her off. If you look at her as someone that feels inadequate around you she'll be alot easier to take.
2006-12-25 23:29:18 · answer #4 · answered by mjm52 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1) You can't change Betty.
2) You can't make her like you.
3) You can't make her be nice.
I cannot guess why she acts this way toward you. My best advice is to avoid her as much as possible. Assuming that yoiu attend family functions, use the large family as a reason to spend as little time as possible with her. Cultivate a friendship with someone else in the extended family. Try not to put yourself in a position of arriving needing something from her (e.g., the hair dryer).
Good Luck.
2006-12-25 23:25:15 · answer #5 · answered by Computer Guy 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are not an outsider now that you are married. Improve your impression of yourself. You are letting this person get under your skin. She will keep baiting you as long as you let her.
Take your sister-in-law aside and tell her to back off. Next time she addresses you in public, respond with humor and don't get angry. Turn it back on her.
Example: She calls your shoes "FMP"......so what!? Look at her sweetly and say, "pretty neat aren't they? Got them on sale, your feet could use a makeover!"
She accused you of having to be drunk for family functions.....you respond, "no, not at all. I might need some liquid fortitude to face off with the likes of you, though."
It's a large family. She wants attention. Ignore her so she won't get any.
Good Luck!
C-F
2006-12-25 23:28:48 · answer #6 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Kill her with kindness. When she says something offcolour, tell her "why Betty, that was really rude of you" and nothing else. She'll get tired of hearing the same phrase over and over, and looking like a real b-tch. And another thing, the drinking beer in the car thing..... sh_tty. Dont do that anymore. How would you feel if you killed someone's kid????? You deserved more than a beer dumped in your crotch for that one.
2006-12-25 23:26:51 · answer #7 · answered by Penny P 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd of told her since she wants to know so badly why I need a hair dryer, I will tell her. I'm waiting for her to take a bath or shower and let's just hope that dryer doesn't slip from my hand and land in the water while she's in it and I'l blame it on my drunkeness. Okay?
2006-12-26 00:13:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Totally agree with the drinking and driving. I think it might show why she doesn't like you. I would have probably made a comment about it also. Makes it seem like the other instances may have also been warranted.
2006-12-25 23:47:11 · answer #9 · answered by dana j 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can't stand my sister in law and believe me when i say, i spend as little time as possible around her and boy do i feel good about that. by the way, drinking and driving, bad idea.
2006-12-25 23:31:20 · answer #10 · answered by inluvwithb 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋