Toxic family am I in the wrong?

Question

My father who I thought adored my daughter. He actually chaged for a while after she was born. My father has some really weird personality traits, loves to live in the past, minipulate, talking about everyone, family member I have cut off, (My family is beyond toxic or Dr. Phil) stopped working at age 40 due to physcial and emotional problems and love people to feel sorry for him...

Anyway, he has been staying with his SIL and her family... They are totally disfunctional. He really likes mycousin who is alsos uppose to be disabled but bought a cell phone this month wwith his welfare money but didn't send hhis kids anythings. Kids he hasn't seen in years....

But anyway, he spent Thanksgiving with them and assured me that he would be her on Christmas. Anyway, I was suppose to pick him up on Saturday. Then Saturday night he changed it to Sunday. Then he called on Sunday asking me if he could make it later. I am tired of him trying to get his way and minipulate me.

Anyway, I told him that he miles spend Christmas over there. He said well is that what I want, I said well I think that for the best and what you want. He hung up and hasn't called. I called him on his cell and he has it turned off. I don't want to call over there, I never liked this Aunt even before my uncle passed away. She has been over her for 40 years and still can't understand english....

No my mother, brothers and sister is toxic. They have never met my baby girl and most likely will never change, so never will.

Answer 1

Honey dont waste your time. Lets put it this way dont go out of your way to help them or him. If he calls talk to him but dont offer to pick him up if he wants to come over tell him to get a ride. Dont play into his crap. Tell him plain and simple your tired of it and if he wants to see you its on him not you.

Answer 2

Absolutely not! I moved away from a 'toxic' family at age 15. I had no money, no place to go, no friends I could stay with - nothing. However, I did have a few friends at school who found out what I'd done, and they told some other friends, who helped me find a place to live temporarily. I moved to another part of the city (far away from my family), got a part time job, finished the school year, then worked full time for a year. It took me nearly that whole year to save enough money to enter college. I graduated four years later with a degree in Business Management. I finally moved away from the city my family lives in. Far away. To this day, my family won't talk to me, but I did the right thing. Those family members are STILL (nearly 30 years later) toxic and will be until they die. I've never gotten into drugs or alcohol, have never been homeless, have never committed any crime, and I'm doing fine. I currently work part time (because of health reasons) as a manager of a public relations firm. The BEST thing to do in this situation is to get away from the 'poison'. If you do not, they will suck you in, and you may very well end up just like these people, even years later. That would be the biggest mistake of all. I sincerely hope you have the courage to leave and I wish you the very best in your life.

Answer 3

I understand both your offended self as well as his. He doesn't see it the same way you do, he only sees that you suddenly don't want to see him and he is offended.

You, on the other hand, don't need to be manipulated like that. If it is inconvenient to you to have him come over later, then say so. If you had told him from the beginning that it was not possible to change, he might have lived up to his end of the arrangement.

Answer 4

Dysfunctional is a better word than Toxic which means poison.

This is your child's grand-father correct? This is your father correct?

Well, I think You are the one who wants to see your father, not your child because she is still very young. You are using your child as the excuse to see him.

When will You change? Let go. If your Dad wants to see you or his grandchild, let him come to you without you getting involved with the arrangements. Yes, he probably was upset with you, because you are his child first, but you should have had better communication with him. Next time have better communication.

Answer 5

the real issues here are what you think is best for your daughter. if your father is constantly breaking times that he is supposed to see her, then cut him off. the little girl does not need that kind of family around her and is better off without him.

Answer 6

You are smart. You know exactly what you are dealing with. You might love him, but he doesn't sound exactly likable. It would be better if you do not expose your daughter to people like this. Don't answer the phone when he calls. Don't let yourself be manipulated.

We only become doormats to people when we allow it.

Answer 7

May be the best thing for your daughter is not to be in contact with your family---it's probably best if you just don't have anything to do with them.

Answer 8

I don't like hanging out with people I don't like or can not depend on and trust, I don't care if they are related to me or not.

Be happy and take good care of yourself and your child.I wish you much happiness for the future

Answer 9

This type of stuff isn't good for your daughter....or you! enjoy ya life...and leave the dysfunction where it lays...you are a lot better off without it...

Answer 10

are u the wrong ...please dont joke like that

it seems like you got to cut them loose and live your life the way u want to
you shouldnt have to be tiend down by an insane family