How do I mend my broken heart?

Question

I met a guy/friend from Lebanon through Yahoo last year. A couple of months ago he insisted on "dating" me. At first I refused, me being 39 and him only 23. I was not looking forward to an online relationship with someone that far either. But he persevered, and I eventually fell in Love with him. From the very start he insisted on us being together in the US a.s.a.p. He wanted me to distribute his resume at first, but never sent it to me. He told me he would write me letters every week, but I got ONE, and that after we had had a huge fight, and it was not even a real letter but lyrics. Meanwhile, we are 3 months further, I sent letters, cards, packages full of goodies, paid for his calling cards (and mine) as he could not afford them, and I am embarrased to admit: Western Union'ed him at total of 800 dollars. Its Christmas and I did not even get a card, and got very upset with him for that. He does not understand, and is now ignoring me. My heart is totally broken. Help!

Answer 1

He's a jerk if you ask me and it sounds like he was just trying to move to the U.S. Here is my advice: stop contacting him. I know its going to be difficult at first but here are some tips to get over him:
Day 1 Instructions
STEP 1: Breathe. All you can do is survive this first and difficult day. Take one day at a time.
STEP 2: Give yourself permission to mourn. Call in sick at work, sleep all day, eat too much ice cream, sob.
STEP 3: Congratulate yourself for being human: It is only when you open yourself to love that your heart can break. STEP 4: Develop and repeat a helpful mantra to get you through the initial shock and pain, such as "This too shall pass" or "I will survive."
Day 2 Instructions
STEP 1: Reach out to a close friend or family member. It helps to share your thoughts with others.
STEP 2: Watch a movie to distract yourself. Choose a comedy that has cheered you up in the past. Or watch a movie that's guaranteed to make you sob--it may surprise you how good that feels.
Week 1 Instructions
STEP 1: Force yourself to go out even if you are feeling despondent. Take yourself out for a cup of coffee or go on a long walk.
STEP 2: Express your emotions in a way that comes naturally. Write in a journal, paint, sculpt or play music.
STEP 3: Do daily cardiovascular exercise--the endorphins will give your spirits an immediate lift.
STEP 4: Resist the urge to call your ex. Instead, write a letter. Don't mail it.
STEP 5: Go out of town for the weekend to distance yourself from the temptation to call your ex. Visit an old friend or go back home to your roots. A change of environment does wonders for the spirit.
STEP 6: Put everything that reminds you of your ex in a box and seal it. Throw it away, donate it to charity or ask a friend to hold on to it indefinitely.
Week 2 Instructions
STEP 1: Surround yourself with friends. This may mean reaching out to people you fell out of touch with during the relationship.
STEP 2: Make lists to help you regain your confidence and identity: a list of your friends, of things you like, of what you want to accomplish in the next decade.
STEP 3: Spoil yourself: Get a new hairstyle, have a spa day or go shopping.
STEP 4: Resist the urge to call your ex.
Week 3 Instructions
STEP 1: Assess the experience. Have you learned anything about yourself? Does the experience make you more empathetic to others who've suffered a hardship?
STEP 2: Begin an activity that will fill your time, distract your mind and rebuild your confidence. Train for a marathon, take up yoga or learn a new language.
STEP 3: Resist the urge to call your ex.
STEP 4: Volunteer your time at a local homeless shelter, soup kitchen or tutoring center. It will take your mind off your own woes and keep your suffering in perspective.
Week 4 Instructions
STEP 1: Continue regular socializing and exercising. While socializing, though, make sure you don't depend on alcohol or drugs to dull the pain.
STEP 2: Call your ex if you feel it would be helpful. Resist if you merely want to say hurtful things.
STEP 3: Consider dating other people, but be wary of rebound relationships.
STEP 4: Understand that you will need to experience and process sadness, anger, guilt and fear to fully heal. Burying or ignoring these emotions will thwart the healing process. Write, cry, share the feelings with friends.
Months 3 to 6 Instructions
STEP 1: Force yourself to go on dates. You'll be surprised to discover that your heart can still flutter over someone. It's part of the healing process.
STEP 2: Consult a psychiatrist if you are experiencing symptoms of depression, such as lack of appetite, insomnia or too much sleeping, low self-esteem, and an inability to concentrate or carry out routine tasks. Ask a friend or physician to recommend one who is experienced in treating depression. STEP 3: Remember that healing is a process that takes time. Expect waves of sadness, anger, guilt or fear even after you think you are over it. Give your heart time to heal.
One year and beyond Instructions
STEP 1: Compartmentalize the experience in your memory: "My heart was broken once. It really hurt and I'm glad it's over."
STEP 2: Reach out to your ex if you want to re-establish a friendship. Do not harbor secret ambitions of winning him or her back. You'll only set yourself up for another heartbreak.

Good luck girl, I know you can get through this!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I feel badly for you...honestly. I have been where you are, only not long-distance.
Sweetie, I'm afraid you've been used. It happens all the time to nice, caring, trusting people like you---especially online. You deserve a nice man who will treat you right and give back without just taking. It sounds to me like Mr. Lebanon is just playing games. I know broken hearts take a long time to mend, but when you recover, I want you to know that my friend has met many NICE men in her area through match.com. I'd recommend a realtionship where you can actually BE with the man. Good luck, and my heart goes out to you.

Answer 4

i hope u got Ur listen he was using cant u understand that so better next don't become financier of any one OK
u can find true love without giving Ur many to him OK so just wait for the right person to come in Ur life on dint be so heart broken he was a jerk n its good u r not with him anymore now so if u want to be safe stay away from this kind of people n net love is just nothing but time pass or nonsense
open Ur eyes n get real he was just using OK
do not go back to him that what i want to say u

god bless you

Answer 5

Live and learn, never give money to a stranger, and no matter how much you "chat"n line it is not a relationship. This is a person in real life you'd not even look at twice. You need to get out and find a real person. He was a scam artist. It hurts and it sucks and we all have a broken heart I've shattered mine so many times i don't know how i go on but you do. Find your passion and live your life. Not a fake relationship on a box.

Answer 6

sounds like you need to move on and he's just looking for a way to come to the states. just a networking move. don't you think it's a little funny that he was the one pursuing you and now he's being distant. he know's exactly what he was doing. he was just using you. don't let him do that to you. you deserve better and believe me there is someone out there for you. at least you could find someone here in the states not far from you that's willing to use you and be nice about it--someone you could actually see and visit on a daily basis. be glad and use this as a hard lesson learned. life is like a rollercoaster, but you just having to keep rolling with the punches and adapting. something better is waiting for you. everything happens for a reason--you may not think so right now. good luck and keep your head up :)

Answer 7

My guess is that this guy fell 'in love' with about 10 other victims at the same time.. $800 * 11 victims = $8800.

I'm sorry, and I hope this is not the case, but you have to be VERY VERY careful when meeting people online ... ESPECIALLY oversees folks.

Time will heal ... you deserve better ... keep your head up and things will work out the way they are suppose to.

Answer 8

You got used and you need to cut off contact immediately. Sorry to say but this is the oldest story in the book. If you continue contact you'd better be prepared to make another trek to Western Union because you will definitely be talked into another gift. Chalk it up to experience and spend your time with people that you meet while you are living your life to it's fullest.

Answer 9

I think it sounds like he is just playing with you... i personally think you should dump him. There are plenty of people out there. I am sure if you look hard enough you will find some one that lives close to you. It is time to forget about him because he obviously doesn't care. Don't worry about this and get out tomorrow and enjoy yourself. Do something you love to do and call a friend up to hang.

Answer 10

Are u not aware of net cheats. All these people unearthed from North, North-west African countries. They will be after your money. If you still don't understand at this age (39) you are not a right person. Forget him. If there is heart, it stands broken. No need to have heart at money suckers. visit www.data-wales.co.uk to learn from more stories like yours.

Answer 11

Super glue. That stuff will fix anything.

Sorry, but humor helps heal hurts, and it sounds to me more like you have been taken advantage of, and if you can, take it as a lesson learned.

I am sorry you seemed to have invested so much of your heart in someone you have never met, and pray that things work out better for you. God bless and Godspeed.