When Is The Right Time To Tell A Child That She Is Adopted?

Question

i have a child that is biracial(black-hispanic) and while she partly looks like me as far as skin color you can tell she has traits of spanish. She is beginning to ask questions about where she came from and noticing that her skin is lighter than mine. Should i tell her the truth now or wait a couple of more years? What is the moral thing to do? she is 4. if i do tell her the truth, should i tell her everything including facts about her biological mother? i really dont know what to do. I love her so much and dont know how she will react or think towards me.

i got her when she was 8 months old

Answer 1

Tell her as much as she asks. Meaning, answer her on her level of understanding , rather than your own.

There is plenty of time to give deeper details as she matures and asks more complicated questions.

Adopted children accept this fact very easily when they are young and only ask questions that are easy to answer at their level.

She may ask why her mommy gave her away and a simple answer would be that her mommy couldnt take care of her and feed her, so she did the right thing and gave her to someone who could take care of her and feed her. She loved her so much that she thought about her baby ahead of herself.

Much like God loved us so much, that he thought of us over himself and allowed himself to become flesh and die for our sins against him.

I wish you courage and strength. I have one adopted daughter and I know that openess about the situation is best.

Answer 2

Tell her what and when you think is best. If you've had her since infancy you know her better then we do. My brother in law was adopted many years ago and always knew this. You don't have to tell her about her biological mother other then what a 4 yr old can handle. How about a bok on adoption or an adoption counselor if your really stuck. I go with trusting yourself and your daughter. You'll do just fine as long as she knows you love her and her biological mother did too by making the choice that she made. G-d Bless You and your daughter.

Answer 3

If she is asking questions--now is the time. Just tell her that you wanted a little girl, and she was one who needed a Mommy, so you adopted her. If she asks about her biological mother, tell her that she wanted to keep her, but couldn't, so you took her to be your own. This should handle any questions for now.

I met a little girl and her mother-----the girl was three, and Black/Spanish from South America. She was thrilled that her mother (White) had adopted her-the child told me all about it. This mother was also teaching the child about her culture in South America, and the child was already bi-lingual.

It is never too early.

Answer 4

Tell her from the start that she is adopted.
Answer her questions honestly. As far as the truth about her biological mother, you should wait at 4 years old she may not be ready for that. My niece is adopted and her parents told her from the start that she was adopted. When she was 16 years old, she contacted the necessary agency about her birth parents. Her birth mother wanted not to meet her due to personal reasons, but her birth father did. I know that it was difficult for her, but she does have a realationship with her birth father and his family.

Answer 5

ASAP. I am adopted myself and my parents told me before I even knew what it meant. My husband and I have 2 adopted kids ourselves and talked about it before they asked questions. If you wait to much longer it will be harder because then she may start to wonder why you held it back from her, and wonder if it is not a good thing for her. Do not add anything she does not ask. When she gets a little older she may ask questions on her own. My son is 18 and just this past week, got a note from his 1/2 sister. It was really hard for me to give it to him, but I did. Telling her about her adoption is the best thing to do. Just give her info on her birth family when she asks and what seems to be age appropriate. If you want to write me you can email me at [e-mail]

Answer 6

I don't think there was a time that I didn't know I was adopted. The way I remember my mother explaining it was that my biological mother wasn't going to be able to care for me and that she loved me so much she gave me to her and my dad for their daughter. Then she would always she that she and dad loved me so much and even more because I was that special.

As she grows older you might want to give her more information but for four all she needs to know is that you may not look very much alike but that your her mother and love her with your whole heart.

Blessings,

Answer 7

let me tell you first of all that you are one wonderful person in this world right now for having adopted and loved this child like your own..
i plan on doing this in fact i have promised myself to adopt a girl from an islamic country and raise her as a free thinking independent strong woman something she wont be allowed to do there.

i believe it is right for you to tell her from the start...there is nothing bad about being adopted..it should only make her love you more...i would tell my daughter from the start...and let her know every moment of her life that i love her as though i had given birth to her...children can accept it better...let her grow older and be exposed to the world and form her own assumptions and she will think you hid something from her and it will be this knowledge of being kept in the dark that will overwhelm her love for you and your love for her

i don't want to to happen to a great person such as you dear so please dont keep your child in the dark....tell her the truth and treat her like your own...tell her another mommy brought you to this mommy to love and treat like the princess you are.
she is four right and will grow up seeing the beauty of your relationship rather than a lie when she finds out later.

and maybe she as a woman will be inclined to do the same following the example of her loving mother :)

Answer 8

A Child is very understanding ESPECIALLY when she has A Parent that obviously LOVES HER SO VERY MUCH!

Just answer her questions to the best of your Ability! She will see Your Love for HER!

Thanks, RR

Answer 9

If she asks you a question, then you tell her the truth. Don't lie to her. There is no one discussion. It should be an open dialog and she should always feel free to ask you anything about it. She will only be ashamed if you are ashamed.

I am adopted.


YOU ARE THE CHILD'S REAL PARENTS!!!

Answer 10

I'm not an expert but I have taken courses... you shouldn't tell her now unless you have consulted with a pschologist that would volunteer to help you break this to her a little easier. A child has the ability to suffer all kinds of traumas. They little minds are delicate and they don't know how to work their coping skills yet.. or might not even have some. I would rearch some more and seek professional help.