Children and deployment?

Question

My four year old son is very upset over my husband's deployment. They are very close, since the day our son was born. My husband has only been gone a little over a month and my son cries every day that he misses daddy and he wants daddy. It breaks my heart to see him so upset. I have explained the situation to him as well as I can for a child of his age, and have even tried looking at pictures in a photo album of the kids with my husband, but that only seem to make it worse. My husband will not be home until around Thanksgiving 2007. How can I help my son cope with his daddy being gone?

I do not live on a base or near a base, and the unit my husband is attached to is 3.5 hours away from me so the FRG (family readiness group) is not an option.

and this video everyone raves about....http://www.army.mil/-news/2006/11/30/799-deployment-video-helps-children-cope/ i have it, it didnt help AT ALL. I think it is geared more for 5+ years, my son didn't like it and it didnt help him understand. I wouldnt recommend it to anyone.

Answer 1

my dad is in the military and has been in it my whole life (I'm 23 now). What I remember helping me get through was when my dad sent me videos and we sent some back. With technology these days it should be pretty easy and you could even do it on the computer instead (I'm not sure, if your husband has internet access, but my dad did when he was in Iraq). I got to see my dad on the video whenever I wanted and was so involved in trying to think up new things to put on my tape that I didn't have time to worry about it.
Another thing that helped me was that once right before a deployment I slipped my pound purry (wow, am I dating myself here! lol) into his rucksack after he had packed everything... when he came back I didn't know he was back until I went to my bedroom and found the pound purry on my bed! This started a tradition for each deployment that I would find a creative place to put the stuffed kitty and my dad would find a creative way to tell me he was home... My kitty has seen more of the world then probably any other stuffed animal!
We drew pictures and made tapes and wrote letters when I was little and as I have gotten older I have been more of a part of getting care packages together and going to the post office and keeping up morale among our "troops".
My mom and I used as a last resort, was when my dad went to Iraq, the same number of peanut m&ms as the amount of days my dad would be gone in a jar for my sister and she was allowed to eat one each day until my dad came home (on which day he had picked up a big bag of m&ms for all of us). It helped my sister count down.
We once made books for my dad with what we had done that week, or month (depending on who was making the book) and my dad would send home his film from all the cool pictures he took (we have one of him on a tank pretending to pick his nose because the tank was called the nose picker) and we had so much anticipation waiting for the film to get developed!
I would still make contact with your closest FRG, just because they have a lot of handouts that I know helped my mom that they should be able to send you.

Answer 2

my husband is deployed, and we have a 2 year old daughter...so i personally know how hard it is, while my daughter isn't old enough to really comprehend that daddy is gone (before he left he was gone every other month in training). my husband is able to use the internet and phone everyday that he goes to work in iraq...so if the same is possible for your husband, you can try to set up a deal where he calls once or twice a week. put it on a large calendar so your son can look forward to his phone call :) in the meantime, take lots of pictures and have him draw pictures for daddy to keep your son busy...if your husband has access to a computer, and a digital camera, he might want to make a little sign that says "i love you [your son's name]" and taking a picture with it. anything to let your son know that he's there for him. i hope that this helps, if even just a little bit...the deployment will fly by...good luck!

Answer 3

My prayer go out to you and your family. My huband leaves in March for 2 years and my kids are 12 and 6. We have been an Army family for 14 years and I know where you are coming from.
You can go to www.ahos.com and get the info for any post you like. Once you find that contact ACS and they can help with deployment issues for you and your child. There are also yahoo groups for military spouses and familys. I belong to one myself.
Try to make some contact online as well. You dont have to be near a post to get support. Maybe an online FRG could be an idea Might have to see what I can do about that. There is also a magazine put out call military spouse and it has a lot of good info. I hope this helps you out a bit and my family will pray for yours.

Answer 4

I had a problem similar. my hubby was gone the first 18 months was home for a year long enough for my daughter to really bond with him then he got deployed again. She cried contantly so what we did was took some transfer paper and a white t-shirt and white pillow case and put her daddy's picture on it. She wore that shirt happily almost every night the whole deployment. There are also whats called Daddy Dolls just for military that makes a doll from your husbands picture thats about a foot or more tall your son could hold play with and take with him everywhere he goes. if you ever need someone to talk to my screenname on yahoo is cowgirlterri just send me a message on messanger if ya need to talk.

Answer 5

My children are much younger, but they won't leave the house without fluffy daddy. He's a stuffed pillow with a photo transfer of my husband. They hug him, kiss him goodnight and share meals with him. An acquaintance used a flat daddy--a laminated photo. (Like flat Stanley from elementary school) Our other goal is to stay busy. If we don't have something to do, I'll mix up cookie dough or we'll take a walk. We still have a lot of crying (especially the little one), but it helps to talk about things we'll do when Daddy gets home (in nine months). My older child likes hearing about how Daddy is in Iraq to keep us safe (not necessarily my opinion, but it's simple).

Answer 6

enable me commence through declaring that i'm not a criminal specialist. yet i believe that the warriors/Sailors relief act would come into play right here. you is basically not getting the extra funds until eventually about 30 days when you're deployed so the courtroom can not use "destiny entitlements" hostile to you, basically what you're making on the date of the courtroom courtroom circumstances. you is basically not in a position to attend a sparkling listening to until eventually you come, through then you truly received't longer be getting the extra funds. basically like you won't be able to be served divorce papers at the same time as deployed because you've the right to signify your self in courtroom. yet that being reported, verify with the criminal branch on base once you bypass there to make or replace your will earlier to deployment. (and in case you have not made the appointment to attempt this yet "get busy".) solid success and thanks for your service and sacrifices. Deployment sucks regardless of the indisputable fact that it really is a call that all of us made through enlisting and doing the "God and united states of america" problem. EDIT: an additional desirable note (yet search for suggestion from with my starting sentence and that i did not stay at a holiday lodge exhibit very last evening both) you're interior your rights to be provided with receipts to ascertain that the money that you're paying is going the position it really is meant to. which will be a question to ask the criminal specialist that's effective to signify you in ill. (and it does not circumvent her from having her father and mom draw up a "dummy lease" to account for the money). you're a Soldier and a Father, not her own "Meal cost tag".

Answer 7

I just spent the day with a 4 year old boy whose dad is due to deploy in 2 weeks. Talk about the importance of dad's trip as much as possible. Let your son know that dad will call when he can and email as often as possible. Make sure that dad leaves with a digital camera and emails lots of pictures home so Jr. knows that dad is OK and can see his smiling face. Finally, pray together as a family now and while dad is gone and remind jr. that even if dad is overseas, you can pray with him because there is something bigger than the world that you are praying to.

Answer 8

Are you in base housing or do you have other contact with other families in the same situation? The support can help.

I cannot imagine what it feels like to have a father and husband deployed. Based on your child's age, I think you will have to just weather his crying for the next month or so until he gets used to it. Keep talking about daddy, especially as time passes, to keep him real to your son.

Best wishes.

Answer 9

Perhaps you can make a journal with your son for his Daddy to read when he gets home. It might be a way for him to feel like he's still bonding even though they can't be together. Also, you could try to make a calender to show how many days it will be before Daddy comes back, and put a sticker on each day as it passes.

Answer 10

http://www.army.mil/-news/2006/11/30/799-deployment-video-helps-children-cope/

This DVD is EXCELLENT and free, cant beat that!! Its very hard at that age for a child to deal with a deployment. Just too much to comprehend... Good Luck. We have 6 military brats.. Its hard