How do I cope with my feelings after my cat died?

Question

My cat, Dixie died on Christmas Eve. We took her to the vet earlier since she wasn't feeling well... and they said she was doing very well but still needed surgery... and then a half hour later the vet called and said that Dixie didn't make it... I was and am very sad this moment. I can't picture Dixie not being here, she was a perfect cat. I will get a new cat, but around spring-time, so it can get used to the outside... But right now I'm not doing so well right now... Any help is greatly appreciated!

Sorry I forgot to mention.
She was attacked by another animal or something and got a bad wound on her right hind leg. She died because of her infection and the fact she wouldn't eat or drink. RIP Dixie 8/9/05-12/24/06

Quote:

I am really sorry to hear your cat did not make it through surgery.
Please understand, I know how you feel, I lost two cats like that.
It is good that you want to get another one in the spring - but why
would you want this new cat to go outside and have other animals attack her too? My new cat is strictly an indoor cat.
My son has 4 cats, none of them go outside and they are perfectly happy, healthy and quite old. All of them are between
13 and 17 years old
I have attached a link to a site were you can find some lovely
poems about pet loss. I hope that they will help you over your
sad feelings right now.

My mom won't let me have an inside cat because Dixie (who used to be an indoor cat) ruined all of our furniture and it got worse and worse, until we showed her the outside... She loved hunting birds, mice, and anything else she could find.

Also I don't intend to get another cat to replace Dixie's place, I'm getting another one to replace the hole in my heart... I cried so much last night... But like everyone said-Remember all the good times.

Answer 1

Dear David,

Please accept my sympathy on the loss of your beloved Dixie.

There's no easy way to work through grief. It's real, it lasts a while, and it's the price we pay for loving them.

This might help put it in perspective:

CHOICES (The Little Orange Boy)

by Anne Kolaczyk

The little orange boy stopped. Behind him, kitties were playing,
chasing each other and wrestling in the warm sunshine. It looked like so much fun, but in front of him, through the clear stillness of the pond's water, he could see his mommy. And she was crying.

He pawed at the water, trying to get at her, and when that didn't work, he jumped into the shallow water. All that got him was wet and Mommy's image danced away in the ripples. "Mommy!" he cried.

"Is something wrong?"

The little orange boy turned around. A lady was standing at the edge of the pond, her eyes sad but filled with love. The little orange boy sighed and walked out of the water.

"There's been a mistake," he said. "I'm not supposed to be here." He looked back at the water. It was starting to still again and his mommy's image was coming back. "I'm just a baby. Mommy said it had to be a mistake. She said I wasn't supposed to come here yet."

The kind lady sighed and sat down on the grass. The little orange boy climbed into her lap. It wasn't Mommy's lap, but it was
almost as good. When she started to pet him and scritch under his chin like he liked, he started to purr. He hadn't wanted to, but he couldn't help it.

"I'm afraid there is no mistake. You are supposed to be here and your mommy knows it deep down in her heart," the lady said.

The little orange boy sighed and laid his head on the lady's leg. "But she's so sad. It hurts me to see her cry. And daddy too."

"But they knew right from the beginning this would happen."

"That I was sick?" That surprised the little orange boy. No one had ever said anything and he had listened when they thought he was sleeping. All he had heard them talk about was how cute he was or how fast he was or how big he was getting.

"No, not that you were sick," the lady said. "But you see, they chose tears."

"No, they didn't," the little orange boy argued. Who would choose to cry?"

The lady gently brushed the top of his head with a kiss. It made him feel safe and loved and warm - but he still worried about his mommy.

"Let me tell you a story," the lady said.

The little orange boy looked up and saw other animals gathering around. Cats - Big Boy and Snowball and Shamus and Abby
and little Cleo and Robin. Merlin and Toby and Iggy and Zachary. Sweetie and Kamatte and OBie. Dogs too- Sally and Baby and Morgan and Rocky and Belle. Even a lizard named Clyde and some rats named Saffron and Becky and a hamster named Odo. They all lay down near the kind lady and looked up at her, waiting.

She smiled at them and began:

"A long long time ago, the Loving Ones went to the Angel in Charge. They were lonesome and asked the angel to help them.
The angel took them to a wall of windows and let them look out the first window at all sorts of things- dolls and stuffed animals and cars and toys and sporting events.

"Here are things you can love," the angel said. "They will keep you from being lonesome."

"Oh, thank you," the Loving Ones said. "These are just what we need."

"You have chosen Pleasure," the angel told them.

But after a time the Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.

"Things are okay to love," they said. "But they don't care that we love them."

The Angel in Charge led them over to the second window. It looked out at all sorts of wild animals. "Here are animals to love," he said. "They will know you love them."

So the Loving Ones hurried out to care for the wild animals. "You have chosen Satisfaction," the angel said.

Some of the Loving Ones worked at zoos and wild animal preserves, some just had bird feeders in their yards, but after a time they all came back to the Angel in Charge.

"They know we love them," they told the angel. "But they don't love us back. We want to be loved in return."

So the angel took them to the third window and showed them lots of people walking around, hurrying places. "Here are people for you to love," the angel told them.

So the Loving Ones hurried off to find other people to love. "You have chosen Commitment," the angel said.

But after a time a lot of Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.

"People were okay to love," they said. "But sometimes they stopped loving us and left. They broke our hearts."

The angel just shook his head. "I cannot help you," he said. "You will have to be satisfied with the choices I gave you."

As the Loving Ones were leaving, someone saw a window off to one side and hurried to look out. Through it, they could see puppies and kittens and dogs and cats and lizards and hamsters and ferrets. The other Loving Ones hurried over.

"What about these?" they asked.

But the angel just tried to shoo them away. "Those are Personal Empathy Trainers," he said. "But there's a problem with their system operations."

"Would they know that we love them?" someone asked.

"Yes," the angel said.

"Would they love us back?" another asked.

"Yes," the angel said.

"Will they stop loving us?" someone else asked.

"No," the angel admitted. "They will love you forever."

"Then these are what we want," the Loving Ones said.

But the angel was very upset. "You don't understand," he told them. "You will have to feed these animals."

"That's all right," the Loving Ones said.

"You will have to clean up after them and take care of them forever."

"We don't care."

The Loving Ones did not listen. They went down to where the Pets were and picked them up, seeing the love in their own hearts reflected in the animals' eyes.

"They were not programmed right," the angel said. "We can't offer a warranty. We don't know how durable they are. Some of their systems malfunction very quickly, others last a long time."

But the Loving Ones did not care. They were holding the warm little bodies and finding their hearts so filled with love that they thought they would burst. "We will take our chances," they said.

"You do not understand." The angel tried one more time. "They are so dependent on you that even the most well-made of them is not designed to outlive you. You are destined to suffer their loss."

The Loving Ones looked at the sweetness in their arms and nodded. "That is how it should be. It is a fair trade for the love they offer."

The angel just watched them all go, shaking his head. "You have chosen Tears," he whispered.

"So it is," the kind lady told the kitties. "And so each mommy and daddy knows. When they take a baby into their heart, they know that one day it will leave them and they will cry."

The little orange boy sat up. "So why do they take us in?" he asked.

"Because even a moment of your love is worth years of pain later."

"Oh." The little orange boy got off the lady's lap and went back to the edge of the pond. His mommy was still there, and still crying. "Will she ever stop crying?" he asked the kind lady.

She nodded. "You see, the Angel felt sorry for the Loving Ones,
knowing how much they would suffer. He couldn't take the tears away but he made them special."

She dipped her hand into the pond and let the water trickle off her fingers.

"He made them healing tears, formed from the special water here. Each tear holds bits of all the happy times of purring and petting and shared love. And the promise of love once again. As your mommy cries, she is healing.

"It may take a long while, but the tears will help her feel better. In
time she will be less sad and she will smile when she thinks of
you. And then she will open her heart again to another little baby."

"But then she will cry again one day," the little orange boy said.

The lady just smiled at him as she got to her feet. "No, she will love again. That is all she will think about." She picked up Big
Boy and Snowball and gave them hugs, then scratched Morgan's ear just how she liked.

"Look," she said. "The butterflies have come. Shall we go over to play?"

The other animals all ran ahead, but the little orange boy wasn't ready to leave his mommy. "Will I ever get to be with her again?"

The kind lady nodded. "You'll be in the eyes of every kitty she looks at. You'll be in the purr of every cat she pets. And late at night, when she's fast asleep, your spirit will snuggle up close to her and you both will feel at peace. One day soon, you can even send her a rainbow to tell her you're safe and waiting here for
when it's her turn to come."

"I would like that," the little orange boy said and took one long look
at his mommy. He saw her smile slightly through her tears and he knew she had remembered the time he almost fell into the bathtub.

"I love you, Mommy," he whispered. "It's okay if you cry." He glanced over at the others, running and playing and laughing with the butterflies. "Uh, Mommy? I gotta go play now, okay? But I'll
be around, I promise."

Then he turned and raced after the others.
--------------------------
And this one says it all:

The Rainbow Bridge

by Paul C. Dahm

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
-----------------------------------
This might help get your mom to allow your next kitty to stay inside:

http://www.softpaws.com/

Answer 2

I am really sorry to hear your cat did not make it through surgery.
Please understand, I know how you feel, I lost two cats like that.
It is good that you want to get another one in the spring - but why
would you want this new cat to go outside and have other animals attack her too? My new cat is strictly an indoor cat.
My son has 4 cats, none of them go outside and they are perfectly happy, healthy and quite old. All of them are between
13 and 17 years old
I have attached a link to a site were you can find some lovely
poems about pet loss. I hope that they will help you over your
sad feelings right now.

http://members.aol.com/tcmsc/poems.html

***If your mom does not want the furniture to be ruined, maybe
you could find a cat that is de-clawed - there are a lot of unwanted
cats,even de-clawed and quiet young cats, at the animal shelters.
Ask your mom if she would go with you and find one that you both
could love and give it a good home.

Answer 3

First of all i'm very sorry for your loss. I had a cat that died a few weeks ago and i'm still not quite over it. When you love a pet so much sometimes it hurts to let go. Just remember the good times you had with your kitty. Thats what i did and it seems to make it easier. Everyone says get another pet but that doesn't work cause no pet can replace the love you had for the first pet. Crying doesn't hurt sometimes that is the best thing to do. That way when you think about it so much you really don't want to cry. I feel your pain. My cat that died i had her ever since she was a baby and it hurts to lose someone that you are very fond of. I hope you get better. RIP Mittens 4/15/03-9/25/06. Take care.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear about your kitty. I've lost many cats, and I know how much it sucks. The best thing to do is focus your energy on bringing your life back to normal.

I actually WOULD recommend getting another cat or other kind of pet. I know you're worried about getting hurt again, but you will be saving an animal (from a shelter) from having to be put to sleep for no good reason. Most animals in shelters will never get to have the love that your Dixie had from owners like you. And, this wouldn't be replacing her. You would be allowing another cat--or dog--to have her opportunities.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Allow yourself to grieve for a while (3 to 4 months). Grief is a natural human reaction and it is the only way to gain resolution and acceptance. Dont try to replace your last cat too early or else you may feel guilty when you are with the replacement. Also if the grieving becomes intolerable or lasts too long, seek counselling. It may sound weird but there are veterinary institutions with social workers who are specially trained to counsel pet owners in all matters, including the loss of a pet. Ask your vet. And finally,remember the good times you and Dixie shared. You will find it all very comforting. Im sorry for your loss.

Answer 6

I am so sorry about your two cats. :( I can't imagine how it must be to lose two cats in the space of 5 months... Give yourself the time to mourn before you get another cat, to avoid a similar experience. When you're ready, get yourself a kitten or a cat, and you can have it outdoors if you like, but be sure to set boudaries for it so that it won't roam around too far, and away from cars as much as possible. You could take it out on a cat leash daily. Your cat will get used to the leash and will learn to like it if you start early. I let my cat outside freely, because she had a twin and they used to roam far away from where we live. The twin ran away, and our remaining cat would cry in the fields for her. She never went far away from home again after her twin left. It will take time for you to accept this tragic event. I know if my cat died it would take me months to recover, but that depends on your personality as well. I don't think it's fair how certain answers mention that you weren't respsonsible. I'm sure you were, it's just that these things happen sometimes... The driver who hit Foxy wasn't being to responsible for not watching the road more carefully. Keep a photo album with pictures of Foxy and Oliver, and remember all the good times you had with them, knowing that you will also have good times with a new cat. :) I hope I helped, and I hope you feel better soon hon.

Answer 7

There is nothing much you can do other than just mourn her, although if you do get another cat, however, you need to try to keep it indoors, if there is an animal that attacked Dixie what makes you think that it wont happen again? Why dont you try to get a cat and have it declawed if it starts ruining the furniture again?

Answer 8

I am so sorry David. I've lost three animals, one of them died in my arms. His name was Figaro. We used Hartz flea and tick ointment. We hadn't been informed that Hartz products killed more animals than any other animal product on the shelves or we never would have gotten it. He jumped up on the table, and fell on his water bowl. He was having a siezure, and I rushed over to him to keep his head still. I held onto him and brought him to my mom. But by that time only his leg was still twitching. We tried to resesitate him, but it was too late.

The other two died of old age. But still being with them as we had to say yes to uthinization was hard.

I've finally realized that now they don't have to suffer anymore. And Dixie isn't hurting.

Don't let go David, you can't!!

Dixie meant something to you, and no matter what she is never going to be replaced. You need to get the thoughts of everything that has happened out of your head, and only remember the best of what you two shared. I mean, those nights where I'm sure she used to cuddle your neck, or when you would drag a string around for her to play with.

When you realize that she is in a better place, and is no longer in pain, and you accept that. You'll move on.

I'm sorry. Hope your Christmas gets better.

God Bless.

Answer 9

Please always keep your cat indoors. There are so many dangers outside. You feed this animal and take care of this animal. The best thing you can do to show you love your pet is to keep them indoors. Why would you want to get another cat and let it go outside and possibly get attacked again or catch some horrible disease or be hit and killed by a car?? Just remember, your pet depends on you to help them and keep them safe. I'm sorry you lost her at such a vulnerable time. But please let this be a lesson for your next pet...

Answer 10

I'm really sorry for your loss. The only thing you can do is, no matter how cliche it is, remember the good times, and not regret your loss. Maybe finding the animal that hurt dixie, and making it into a pancake would help you?

Good luck.

Answer 11

It's very hard to lose a loving presence in your life. Not everyone can understand what they mean to us and the terrible void that opens up when they are gone from our lives.

I had to put my 22 and 1/2 yr old cat to sleep the day after Thanksgiving. I took a 30C dose of Ignatia which you can get at a health foods store tomorrow. It definitely lifted the heavy stone from my heart. I can still miss my Cameo so much and it is easier to live in the happy memories of her life with me without the pain of her loss.