I'm 26Indian & his 35white.He is a CFO of a big company.We ve been secretly dating cuz one of the executives is racist but is retiring may 2007.He has an opportunity of being 1 of the top 3 executives.He is being trained for the top job.my man says that he will miss this opportunity if his boss finds out about us.There's a guy in his company who hasn't been promoted because his married to a black woman.I understand him wanting to get ahead but this has been going on for a year.I DON'T think his cheating,i ve keys to his house,i spend everynight with him, i ve unlimited access to his funds and keys to all his cars & he proposed this thanksgiving.i ve met his family.I DON'T go to company parties with him.1 of my white friends poses as his girlfriend for company parties and business trips to europe.He says we ll go public when the boss retires.I NOW THINK MY friend who poses as his girl wants my man.She talks about him with excitement.what should i do? and what do you think is going on?
2006-12-25 11:38:52 · 24 answers · asked by Jen 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think that you held out for a whole year of hiding....I dont know if I could possibly do something like this for a man...I mean if he cant accept you completely you should have maybe held off until both of you could have been a real couple...In regards to your friend...I wouldnt doubt she would fall for him...Going to parties and trips...Are times in a real relationship where intiminate moments do happen...Good Luck I hope you talk with your boyfriend openly and air everything out...
2006-12-25 11:47:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hard question .... I wouldn't worry to much about the friend since you say you don't think he's cheating and you spend all your time with him. I would try to cut back on the time "your friend" spends with him. See if your boyfriend can say" they broke up" That would be good preparation for you coming on scene in may 2007.
Now for the other part of your question...it sucks that your boyfriend has had to hide you. He knows his company and probably also realizes other companies may be this way too. I would though have long very serious talk with him about your expectations after this boss retires. Make sure at that point he promises that there will be no more hiding ...There need not be a big coming out party but you are to have a public presence in his work life at parties and functions. If he still wants to stay hidden at that point I would suggest breaking things off.
2006-12-25 11:52:51 · answer #2 · answered by yeah , yeah whatever 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as the promotion thing, I'm sure he doesn't want o pass that up and once he's promoted he can take you there and show you off! That'll leave eggs all over people's faces! And as far as your best friend, she is not truly a friend if she acts on her feelings, and maybe she can't help posing as a gf for too long considering they are at these parties together all the time. Talk with both of them about this.
2016-05-23 06:31:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's say that he is promoted to the top job. What happens when he brings you into the picture? Will he say that broke up with the other woman and started dating you? Will you have to act like you've just started dating, instead of telling everyone that you are engaged?
I cannot imagine dating someone who is, in effect, supporting racism by keeping your relationship a secret. That is ridiculous.
Of course your friend wants him. He took her to Europe, he takes her to company parties. He is treating her how he should be treating you. I don't know why he has to have a stand-in girlfriend. Wouldn't it be easier to say he doesn't have one at all rather than fabricating a relationship?
This does not sound like a healthy situation for you. You need to discuss this with him and with your "friend". There is something amiss here, and you need to find out what it is.
If there is nothing amiss and he is simply misguided in his actions due to his desire for the job, I hope that this is the last time that he is so disrespectful to you. He is wrong for treating you this way. There is no excuse for it. A job is not more important than you are.
Best luck.
2006-12-25 11:50:40 · answer #4 · answered by Abby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go to events alone and tell your girlfriend and your boyfriend how you feel about it and why. Don't ever let another woman stand in for you. This type of thing happens all the time. I don't think you should take it as if he is ashamed of you. He could be in a position to change the culture of the company and give the other guy, married to the Black woman, a promotion if he deserves one one day. Be patient. Did you ever see the movie "The Spook That Sat By the Door"? Their own prejudices could be their undoing someday.
2006-12-25 11:45:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uhhhhh, that is a tough one. I have never heard of that before...that is horrible that you have to keep it secret for his job. Question, have you met the executive and know he's racist for a fact? He COULD be making that part up, and if a guy wants to hide a relationship, that's always a bad sign. But maybe he's not making it up and the executive actually is racist.
Even if he is, though, I think that's kinda lame that your SO wants to keep this a secret still. He should care about your opinions more than those of his ignorant jerk of a boss. Who cares if he (your SO) doesn't get promoted? He sounds like he has a pretty well-paying job as it is.
2006-12-25 11:45:38 · answer #6 · answered by clorox.bleech 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a tough one. For one thing, though, your friend is probably falling for your man. I mean, c'mon, business trips to Europe? What woman wouldn't?
I can understand your and his reluctance to go public, although, I don't know that I would make the same decision. You've made it this far, May is probably not too much longer to wait. You should probably do your best to keep your friend away from him though.
I sincerely hope it works out for the two of you. If it doesn't, you'll have learned something...
Good luck!
Peace
2006-12-25 11:50:30 · answer #7 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The whole fake girlfriend was a BAD idea from the start, that needs to end ASAP. Talk to both of them seperately and tell them you don't want her going to his business related affairs anymore. I understand that sometimes people have to succumb to shallowness to reach there goals, so I dont think Im that against you two keeping the secret from his work; im sure that its very complicated. But this girl posing as is girlfriend needs to stop ASAP. Youre engaged to this man. Good luck holding out... I wish you the best!!
2006-12-25 11:44:38 · answer #8 · answered by Christines256 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would tell this guy enough is enough, I want to put an end to this girl joining you on your trips and parties. Make sure they pose a break up and I don't think I would allow my best friend around my boyfriend even as a puppy dog.
Tell your friend that her services are no longer required. what if your man and his your best friend fell in love. Make sure you now say hands off.
I am aborginal too, my husband is a white millonaire.
2006-12-25 11:52:04 · answer #9 · answered by Emily L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.. First and foremost... you friend and trips to Europe... yea.. that is a NO. You need to dead that IMMEDIATELY. If you think she wants him especially... check that before you are forced to rock her jaw. Your man will have a SERIOUS Lawsuit on his hands if he was to get demoted or anything of that nature because of what he does in his personal life. However, I understand your position. May is 5 months away. If you can wait it out, and you and your man have discussed it and you think it is the best decision... do what you must. If in May he is still screaming "let's just wait a few more months"... you may want to begin to accept that that is not the real reason he is keeping the relationship a secret.
2006-12-25 11:46:22 · answer #10 · answered by WhoDidThat??? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋