Is old boyfriend dangerous ?

Question

I dont know whether to be afraid for my personal safety or not.
A guy whom I dated a long time ago found me online a couple months ago,
I told him I was moving back home by chance. Which would make me close to where he lived.
We've been in contact last couple of months.
I've been careful to see how he acted.
Some of his IMs got very risque bordering on extreme fantasies.
I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because when I knew him years ago he was sweet.
So I moved home a few days ago. Tonight is Xmas and Im entertaining my family whom I havent seen in a while.
Well I checked my IMs and he asked to se eme later tonight.
Which sounded like a booty call to me.
I called him on it and he got angry. Why would he get angry ?
He said I was mean and called me a *****. Wow.
I think I should stop all contact with him from now on.
But am worried he'll turn stalkerish.

Should I worry ?

Answer 1

I would be concerned, but take it one step at a time.

If he contacts you again, tell him politely but in no uncertain terms that you don't want any further contact with him.

If he persists, then file a police report. Ignore him online; don't respond...but if he calls, emails, or approaches you...report it. You want to lay groundwork in case he IS a stalker type.

Odds are he's just a doofus. But always plan for the worst.

Sorry you're having to think about this on Christmas and that a formerly nice guy called you that. Wow.

Bill

Answer 2

You should have nipped it in the bud when the IMs became risque bordering on extreme fantasies telling him that was not what you wanted in a relationship because by not putting a stop to it and maybe saying nothing about it, he is now under the mistaken impression that is what you wanted to, up to the point you called in on wanting a booty call, which is why he got angry and called you a name.

Because you are worried about him being possibly dangerous or stalkerish, it would be best to try to end things now but in a way that allows him to keep his dignity to put a damper on reasons for him to be angry with you. I would send him an e-mail telling him that I wanted to apologize because I was sorry that he may have gotten the wrong impression, and I really wished I had spoken up sooner but I was uncomfortable with the content of some of the IMs in the past but didn't know how to bring it up, but none of those things are what you want in a relationship and you are sorry if he feels that you led him on, but you think it is best to end things now and wish him the best for finding someone that has the same goals and desires in a relationship as he does. After sending it I would not respond to any further IMs or e-mails.

While you may feel like "why the heck would I apologize to him after he called me a name!" keep in mind that if he is stalkerish and dangerous, if you just toss an insult back like "loser, get lost!" you are only fueling a fire. Yes, if he threatens you, you can file a police report and might be able to get a restraining order, but it is only a piece of paper that is very hard, if not impossible for the police to enforce. I had neighbor that had a restraining order against her ex and that required him to stay 1000 feet away from her, which he techincially did...he would park in front of MY place for 8 hrs or more a day and watch her coming and going (I didn't find this out until after I filed a complaint with the police as I was concerned he might be a would-be thief or pervert). Even after I filed a complaint, he just would troll up and down the main road near her house and there was nothing the police could do unless he violated the new boundry. If you just point out that you have different goals and want different things in relationship and you don't want to pursue a relationship as you both will only get hurt instead of calling him a jerk or perv, then you are allowing him to keep his dignity and it will be harder for him to have a beef with you and make it easier for him to move on.

Answer 3

The name-calling is a bad sign, and definitely a red flag. Stop contacting him, and if he persists, let him know you're not interested anymore. And if he still persists, it's time to take legal action.

Answer 4

ok first of all what are you doing still writing to your ex!! you never come in contact with any of your exs because all it does is bring back old feelings and old problems!! You don't need to be living in the past!!
Stop writing to him and tell him you moved on and he needs to move on too!!! Besides you can find someone better than your ex to spend x-mas with!!! FORGET ALL ABOUT HIM!!!

Answer 5

Stop all contact with him and avoid him like the plague. I don't know if he's dangerous, but just watch your back to be on the safe side.

Answer 6

IF she asks you something, tell the truth very bluntly. do not troublesome on something, basically say that he became abusive to you and that is it. not something else. on condition that she ever asks... do not attempt to locate her and tell her because she will tell him, which will reason drama and he or she is a large woman. they are of route not very pleased or they does not be in an on lower back off lower back relationship. easily she's considered some indications. i does not tell her something in any respect except she requested.

Answer 7

does he know where you live? i think you should definitely stop talking to him. if he doesn't know where you life, i wouldn't worry too much. if you think he is doing something notify the police, thats what they're there for. But i wouldn't worry. he probaly just missed you and was frustrated that you shot him down (ego bruiser)

Answer 8

stop all contact..and if he turned stalkerish call the cops and get a restraining order...
u did the right thing =)

Answer 9

No, but really you should ignore any more contact from him just in case. He definitely sounds psycho.

Answer 10

restraining order can fix it anyway. I doubt it though. Cut contact he was calling for booty.