permission for her hand in marriage? They havent spoken in like 8 months due to his mistreatment of her mother. He phyically, mentally, and emotionally abuses her mother and her and she finally stood up to him and now they no longer speak to one another. Do I still have to ask his permission?
2006-12-25 09:05:36 · 23 answers · asked by kort 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The custom of asking the woman's father for her hand traces back to when it was required, legally for responsibility to pass from her father to her husband. That obviously is no longer a requirement in our society.
Today it is done as a courtesy to her parents, and as a symbolic ritual of the change in relationship between being a suitor and a son-in-law. It is not required under any circumstances for a woman who is of legal age to make her own decisions. If the man is planning a surprise presentation of the engagement ring and needs the parents assistance in executing the event, it is usually planned at this time.
In your situation since the relationship is strained, I would do whatever she wants (or would want, if you don't want to ask her). I suspect that is skipping the conversation with her father.
If you need her mother's help with getting her ring size, or organizing a family gathering to observe (etc), you could certainly speak with her mother alone, and discuss your intentions and ask for her assistance. If you plan to propose alone, then you can just follow her wishes as far as telling her family afterward.
It's sad to have family discord during what should be a joyous time. Best wishes to you and your intended....make your lives better!!
2006-12-25 09:37:47 · answer #1 · answered by onenonblonde 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Permission is an interesting word.
I don't think you should do anything that you feel uncomfortable doing, or you feel is not right in your heart.
You could say, out of respect to the fact that he is the father of your fiancee (no matter how much of a jerk he is), you would like his "blessing" for your union. Not that it makes a difference whether he gives it or not. This shows that you are a standup guy who has a strong character and a sense of respect and integrity. If he chooses not to give his blessing you tell him you're sorry to hear that and you get married anyway.
Do what YOU need to do to feel right about it. Try to live your life without regrets. Would you regret not asking him? Would you regret ASKING him? It's your call. Good luck!
2006-12-25 20:33:04 · answer #2 · answered by coco 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you need to ask the father at all- if your girlfriend is not on speaking terms with him, she may not even appreciate you asking him. I don't think you need to ask a man for permission to marry his daughter when he couldn't respect his own marriage... get what I'm saying? I say definitely ask her mom!
2006-12-25 21:36:48 · answer #3 · answered by KT 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not ask permission from the 'father'.
I think it would be great to ask her mom for permission instead of her dad, considering how her father abuses her mom, he might as well not be called 'father' anymore IMO. So dear 'daddy' does not overhear, I'd ask the mom while he is not around and right before you ask your girl (in case mom gets antsy and accidentally spills the beans).
(My fiancee asked my dads permission to marry me, which totally tickled me to death, so I think it would be very flattering if you asked her mom)
2006-12-26 18:22:54 · answer #4 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guy asks the girls father permission, of course he doesn't have to, but it is more respectful to all people involved.
2006-12-25 20:09:52 · answer #5 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of his behavior toward your girl, and his wife, i would recommend you ask his permission. He may or may not approve. But atleast you gave him the respect by asking his permission. He can't fault you for doing that.
2006-12-25 17:42:02 · answer #6 · answered by ash84102 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No don't ask his permission. Out of respect for her mother, ask her mothers permission.
2006-12-25 17:14:30 · answer #7 · answered by Mercia B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would. It isn't neccessarily for the answer. She's grown and makes her own decisions. However, if in doubt, always err on the side of respect. It will get you a lot further than not.
2006-12-25 17:11:12 · answer #8 · answered by Crossroads Keeper 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would ask your fiance what she prefers you to do. Making those type of decisions together is something you should start doing now. Communication is key to a happy marriage!
2006-12-26 00:13:50 · answer #9 · answered by Sonia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO, you definitely do NOT need to ask his permission! (That is such an archaic custom anyway, I would have been mad if my husband had asked for my father's permission! As if it were my father's decision who I will marry!)
2006-12-25 17:08:44 · answer #10 · answered by kittenpie 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋