This is the first time that I've got my heart broken so I am going through, i can say the roughest time of my life right now... i just want to know what you guys think about my relationship.
I am 21 she's 20. We've known each other for about 8 months before we started dating on May, summer time. Everything was good, we were crazy about each other. I was her first serious boyfriend, she has dated casually with 5-6 guys before, i was her first partner.. her first love, and she was mine too... there was ups and downs but we went through those with no problems. Come September, university starts again, she suddenly got very busy with her life, we still see each other everyday, but it was always me who try to make an effort to make time for us. It was no problem to me in the beginning but slowly things started to catch up to me. I wanted some effort back in return, but she never returned them. We communicate less and less, she's very passive and it's hard for me
2006-12-25 08:29:56 · 18 answers · asked by tele t 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
One night we had a bad communication about sex, and she ended up saying that she was going to bed right away, i was mad because of she always does this to me. Then later on that night she started crying, telling me that she is confused, one second she loves me so much and another second she just doesn't feel passionate anymore, i always thought it was just because honeymoon phase was over. 1 week after, she did it to me again, i planned our long weekend get away together, and everything, she cancelled out on me.. on that very day.. i was mad, but still i didn't lose it, so i talked to her about how much more of this kind of stuffs should i expect from her. She said that she wanted out that day, and let's go back to being friends, I was dying, crying..
but 1 week later we got back together because she couldn't stand not seeing me.
2006-12-25 08:30:09 · update #1
Everything went awkwardly for the next 2 weeks, until NOv30, we got into a fight again, she said that I still pressure her way too much , i still take everything so seriously, we argue, there was yelling screaming, then she started swearing, I was mad already so I lost it and call her a B****. She broke up with me and left right away that night even though i realized right away and apologize that very same night. I was scared with myself, because I have never lost it like this before.
We didn't talk for 3 days, but when I phoned her 3 nights after, she was still mad at me, she said that her romance feeling has gone away, that we're imcompatible, and that we can never be together again, but she wants to remain good friend right away. It killed me that night. felt like my heart got stabbed by a knife and it just circled there... So we broke up 3 weeks before christmas, during that time it was exams time, so i could guess that she's stressed out about everything.
2006-12-25 08:30:32 · update #2
So i gave her space... during that time I also busy myself with studying, but on the other hand she didn't have exam to write for about 1 week , so she would at least message me on msn 2-3 times a day becuase no one is home wit her... understandable.. so i talked to her.. later on that week she wanted to meet up for lunch, I met up with her, she was being really playful and sweet. She sent me mixed signal and made me confused. This continued for another 4-5 days. Then she was done final, she went out to have fun right away with her friends, she had her family now that it's christmas week. But for me i live by myself and i have no one really, it made my mind wander to her all the time.
She called me 2 days ago for lunch again, I agreed to go out with her, she planned to stay for 2 hours, but after 30 minutes, it got really awkward and she made an excuse to leave, It pained me that we were once all over each other but now she can't even be with me and not feel awkward.
2006-12-25 08:30:50 · update #3
I was sure that she was still mad at me when she said those things, i'm confused whether her feelings are truly gone for me, she means so much to me, I want to ask her right out next time when i have a chance, but now we only talk like once a day. for 2-3 sentenses, i guess she is occupied with christmas and new year, but i'm stuck here.... I 'm confused , I don't know what to do, one second she complete my world and the next she just took it all away from me? should I confront her again?? for one last time?? p
please help..
2006-12-25 08:30:59 · update #4
Ah, breathe really deeply here for a few minutes before reading on okay? Okay. It sounds like she really just wants to go back to being friends. It also sounds like she wants to finish up her schooling and find herself a bit more too. Forget the age difference right here and now, okay? She's NOT trying to lead you on nor is she being mean or cruel. She's being human. So are you. What I would were I you is this: Give her some space. No confrontations and no recriminations either. Next I'd go find by best friend and tell him what's going on and tell him to be really blunt(about as blunt as a brick wall would do nicely) and tell me what he thinks I'm doing wrong or what WE did wrong. When it's your first love, things never really go as we imagine they would or should. That's why growing up takes so long sometimes.
2006-12-25 08:40:54 · answer #1 · answered by mangamaniaciam 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey it sounds a lot like you're clinging on to her too tight and you made her the centre of your world so now when she's not with you you feel insecure and you feel incomplete without her. I honestly think you should just let her go and try to be a little more independant. You seem to be depending on her to make you happy and feel good about yourself, let her go for a while and stand on your own then you don't idalize her so much and you can live without her if you have to. I'm sorry i know it must hurt alot but maybe she's not the one for you and maybe she is and if this is so then you will be together without having to try so hard. But if she isn't the one she may be playing a little with your emotions and she might wanna be friends but you can't be friends until thats what you want as well. Tell her you can't be friends if it's too hard and get some space. Maybe you'll get over her and maybe you'll just never be able to be friends. Best wishes and i hope you find the person you should be with.
Merry Christmas.
2006-12-25 16:53:36 · answer #2 · answered by K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been there too. Mine got broken 2 years ago on Christmas Eve. It sounds to me like you love her a lot but, if she is all mixed up and going back and forth, you need to let her go. At least for now. She sounds like she has some growing up to do and some confusion to work through. It is best to let her do that. But don't let her keep coming back like that. It is not good for you or your heart. It will only be harder and more heart breaking for you if you continue to let yourself go through this. You don't want to become jaded and bitter. I know you love her and it is REALLY hard to let her go but, more damage could be done in the long run. It would also be better if you did not try to communicate for awhile. Until you can heal a little. It would kill you to see her or even hear about her with someone else right now.
If the 2 of you are meant to be together, believe me, God will make a way for that to happen. I'm in my 30's and have seen it happen for many couples in my family and friends. Be strong and God Bless you. It will all work out for the best.
2006-12-25 16:48:58 · answer #3 · answered by baby_doll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is going to be long.... but bear with me.
You say it started to get broken when University started again. Ever since it was not a rewarding relationship. To me, it sounds like you have only partial compatibility. That means your relationship worked fine ONLY for a particular setting. When the setting have changed it stopped working, even though you were trying. Maybe you feel like you were trying more than she did, but hey you can't make her try harder, also, you don't really know if she feel she was trying hard too.. Anyway, I digress.
Also, from what you say it seems like she have lost interest in this relationship: you say you are the one who makes a lot of effort to make the time for the two of you, but she doesn't. Relationship has to work BOTH ways. It seems like she is interested, but not interested ENOUGH. One-sided relationships always end.
Sounds like she's not really into you, but she is afraid to end it, afraid to be lonely, afraid to be with herself. This is why she is playful sometimes. (None of that is a good enough reason to be in realtionship with you because you deserve better than just being a space-filler for her.) She runs away after 30 minutes because she feels it is not really working.
My advise would be: stop trying. Tell yourself that it was great but it ended, you might also tell her that it ended.
I can tell you that it is not impossible that you will get back together with her in the future on much better (equal) grownds.
2006-12-25 16:44:54 · answer #4 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read your question and be realistic about how much DRAMA is involved. The reason we date is to find a life partner. Do you want that much drama in your life for the rest of your life?
Re: the sex. You're both in school. Are you ready to have a baby or to give a baby away or kill a baby? If not - you should not be having sex. It REALLY complicates things.
You sound like a nice guy - planning long weekends and meeting her more than half way. There are "other fish in the sea" - so get out of dramaville and go find them.
Good luck! And for your Christmas Day - just do things you love to do - even if you are alone. Read, play video games, call family, meditate, sleep, cook yourself a great meal. I spent a lot of Christmases alone because my family was far away. They really were not that bad!
2006-12-25 16:40:56 · answer #5 · answered by liddabet 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I was in a similar situation. Went off to University, she stayed to finish High School. Before returning home for Thanksgiving, I was informed that she had cheated on me. Went home confronted her, she neither confirmed or denied. At that point I felt that I could not trust her and we broke up, never to speak or see each other.
It hurt, but I moved on, found someone else and eventually got married I think that you should too. You've paid your dues and have nothing but heartache to show for it. While "first loves" can be sustained, it takes two.
I think your ex is "playing you", using her passivity for control, because you seem to respond to her every whim. You are the moth drawn to the fire, when you should be the fire. I say move on.
2006-12-25 16:47:33 · answer #6 · answered by PALADIN 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you guys need to have a heart to heart! Call her and let her know that you want to have a dinner date and you want to talk to her about the status of your relationship. If she accepts, talk to her and tell her how you feel! Just remember that just because you guys were each other's first real love and first partner, it is just that: your first! It is not uncommon for your first to be your last, but sometimes you grow in different directions and began to part! Hope you get through this ok! Just know that somewhere out there is your partner for life!
2006-12-25 17:10:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, after reading all that I would have to say you two are beyond repair. The feelings that were once there are gone. You two are now only holding on because you got used to each other. The best advice I can give is quit talking to each other all together. It will not be easy for you but, you are on a road to nowhere. The relationship you once knew is gone.. Sorry to say. So, it's time for you to face that and work on getting over it...
2006-12-25 16:46:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think this girl is jerking your chain and doesn't know what she wants. You need to move on and cut her out of your life. You are young and there is a big world out there for you. I don't know why some people play these games like they do, it's very frustrating to try and understand matters of the heart. Just give yourself time, you will find someone who will be honest and true about their feelings for you. But do yourself a favor and move on. It's hard during the holiday season, but you will get over it. Good Luck..
2006-12-25 16:35:34 · answer #9 · answered by pussnboots333 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You've got to have a talk with her where you are totally honest with her. Don't be afraid to open up to her. See where it goes from there. Listen to what she has to say. If she still says no to a relationship with you, you should move on. Good luck~
2006-12-25 16:36:12 · answer #10 · answered by Jaysangl 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋