I found some things in my dad's closet...and I need some advice...?

Question

Okay, so the other day I was looking for something in my dad's closet and I came upon this shoe box. I opened it and what I found really disgusted and angered me. I found pictures of my mom in suggestive positions and even a few photos of my parents having sex!!! I was so repulsed by all this. Before this, I knew that my dad had some problems with pornography, but I never knew about that shoe box. I am so disgusted by my dad, I hate him. I need some advice about what I can do to lessen my anger towards him.

Answer 1

For starters, your Dad should have been FAR more careful where he puts those private things. It was careless of him to put them in a shoebox. However, you know that a closet is someone's private space! I'm sure you would not like it very much if someone went through your closet or draws to look for something and instead discovered something very private of yours.

You have to realise, though he is your Dad, him and your Mum are still just like any other human beings and often couples do take private and naughty pictures of eachother and themselves. It is actually not uncommon, but yes it is the LAST thing any of us want to see or stumble upon. They are our parents and the first thing we feel is totally disgusted and nauseated at the idea of our parents being sexual beings and actually having that side to them to even do that.

But certainly, I'm sorry you fell upon it, but it happens. I've seen things too and you end up hating them for it. But later, when you get much older, you do start to see them on a different level, other than just Mum and Dad, you see them as people too.

Your father, like many men, has a weakness towards pornography and alot of the time they can fall into this trap, even when they end up having a family, doesn't mean it automatically disappears. Your Mum probably went along with him at one point to be "sexy" and allow the pictures, but really, they would be absolutely horrified if they knew you had found them.

Don't be angry towards your Dad! What they did together was between them and at least it was not another woman in those pictures, or them engaging in orgies with other people or other very sick weirdo stuff. Him and your Mum are still just human beings, that are like any other couple. It's very hard to see your parents as sexual beings, as well as just Mum and Dad. Trust me, you'd be surprised at how many kids stumble upon stuff in their parents closets that they wished they had NEVER seen.

You will get over it believe me. I've been to friend's houses who had father's with dirty stuff hidden away and we found it and looked at it and I remember kind of laughing (because it wasn't my dad), but my friend was totally disgusted and outraged. But I've seen things too even with my parents who were very conservative.

I've heard them have sex, I've walked in on them and felt absolutely horrified and disgusted. My own brother has pics of his wife I found (Intimate) and I thought "how can you do that?", but again, that is their business. It's them in private, but they take the risk when they decide to put it on film (which i sincerely believe nobody should ever do).

I would not say anything to either of them, truly they will probably be devastated and your Mum would be angry I would say too, the fact it was not put away or locked away more. I can imagine the pictures made you sick, it's "Mum and Dad" and nobody wants to see our parents in any of that behaviour. But it goes on and remember they were young once and were just boyfriend and girlfriend, becuase they're now parents, doesn't mean they completely switch off some of those feelings to eachother.

Certainly, it's not wise for anybody to engage in taking pictures of eachother in intimate situations, as so often someone finds them. And what happens when they die? someone has to clean out the stuff! So you can imagine there are MANY very embarrassing situations in family lives when they find these things.

Your Dad didn't force your Mum to do that, both of them were involved. Don't compeltely blame your Dad, couples do dirty and stupid things a lot! Doesn't mean they carry on like this all the time.

I can totally understand your feelings though. You're reacting very normally!!! Hopefully over time, you will get over it. I know I'd be sick if I saw pictures of my parents as well, but you're not the only one trust me. Definitely, be careful when you go into someone' else's space. Might be better if you ask before you do that in future, even if you just want to look for something you need. But it's his fault for not putting them away properly under lock and key!! Parents are not always careful enough with this kind of thing and so often their kids discover it.

But don't hate your Dad! You are his daughter and that's all he is to you is "Dad". Put this out of your mind, it wasn't for your eyes and it's only one aspect to his relationship with your Mum and probably not a very big part of it.

Answer 2

You did the right thing. Trust me. I did the exact same thing. What you need to do know, is go and see a lawyer (probably after the baby s born) and have a custody and child support agreement drawn up. This way he can't screw with you anymore and no one will get screwed over. Chances are, if he has a new girlfriend, then visitation won't last. If he makes no effort to contact you or shows any sign of caring...then he doesn't. It's as simple as that. Sorry you're having such a hard time. I'm going through the exact same thing. It's probably better off this way though in the long run.

Answer 3

First of all you need to realize real quick that your mother allowed those photo's to be taken and may have even asked that they be taken of her. It takes two to tango. If you feel this way about your dad you should feel the same toward your mother.

So if you are going to hate your dad, you best get busy hating your mom too. Your mother is in no way the innocent angel in all this.

I don't know the circumstance why you were looking in the closet to begin with, but you have to honestly understand people are entitled to their privacy.

Now if you had found naked pictures of other women, or even children in the box, you'd really have something to complain about.

So now you know one of those secrets your parents had when they were being intimate.

Recently, my wife and i were in the basement of her parents house cleaning the junk out since both parents have passed away. You found a shoe box, what we found were reel after reel of film that contained movies of her parents having sex and participating in orgies when they were a young couple.

We also found a few thousand slides of her parents and their friends with graphic nudity on those slides. we found a great many Playboy magazines in fact the first 300 consecutive monthly issues. The playboy magazines we sold to a collector for $59,000 dollars. It was a windfall we never expected to receive.

My advice is just accept the fact that your parents are human, and humans we all know do alot of different things throughout are lives. I'm sure the pictures were taken in mutual agreement and were never intended to be seen by you or anyone else.

Please get over your anger and just accept the fact that your parents are human.

My wife was initially embarrassed by this find, but she got over it quickly when i said why complain or be embarrassed, they were human. We destroyed the films and the slides.

Answer 4

You've got a little problem and it's not the one you think you have. You don't need to lessen the anger. Go ahead and feel angry and disgusted by what you found. You problem is that you can't tell him how angry you are.
What you need to realize is that adults do dumb things (kids don't have a monopoly on that after all) and what your dad did was dumb. Adults become aroused in a number of ways and, to tell you the truth, what your dad did is not nearly as bad as what some people do. So, be angry and upset and cuss him out to yourself all you want. Then, cut him some slack. Don't forget, you wouldn't exist if your dad hadn't been aroused with your mom.

Answer 5

First of all you need to forget what you saw in that shoe box, that was between two consenting adults. You're Mama partook in this as well as your Dad.You seem to have a deep hatred for you're Dad. I don't know if you're the son or the daughter, by the way you speak off him, I figure that you must a teenager. Please try to remember that you're parents were not put here on earth to make you're life miserable, they are not really wanting to run you're life, they only speak from experience. My son felt the same way about my husband, the constant bickering almost drove me crazy. He pulled a knife on my husband, I signed him over as a ward of the state, it was the hardest three years of my life, I cried constantly, but I could not allow my son to go where he was going.After a four month stay in jail, he came home and apologized. While my son was in jail, my husband had a massive heart attack, and was legally dead for a brief time. Think about it, would you feel better if you're Dad was dead? I hope that you can see past what you saw in that box. It takes two to tango. Good Luck. Try to find something else to occupy you're mind. Learn to play the guitar or something that will improve the quality of you're life when you have to leave home .

Answer 6

Firstly, your parents are adults and are entitled to act as they wish within the law. They certainly haven't done anything wrong and I say 'they' because your mother was obviously a willing participant in this. You, on the other hand, invaded your parents privacy by snooping in their personal effects like that. If you had been less inclined to look where you had no business looking you would never have found those pictures and wouldn't have a problem today!! You have shown a complete lack of respect towards your parents and then decided that it's all your fathers fault. Time for you to grow up and show some respect to those who clothe and feed you!!!!

Answer 7

Yo, you shouldn't hate your dad cause you found some porn and pictures of your mother and him. You have to remember your father is still a man, and men like women and they also like sex. You should be grateful you didn't find any pictures of him with other women, now if u saw that, u wouldve been really pissed. Then your dad and mom is probably married, and then u don't know if your mother suggested them to take those pictures.. u never know! And my father watches porn too, but he's one woman's man and my father is a good man and he's a great father. And then he's grown, so he can do whatever he wants. You shouldn't have a problem, but if I wouldve found that.. the first picture i saw, I wouldve put it down.. but u looked at all the pictures and everything in the box???? Why did u do that, that's kinda like invading your parents privacy. But you was probably curious.. sooo.. i don't know, but overall.. I don't think you should hate your father cause of what u saw, because u really wasnt suppose to see that.. that's why it was in YOUR PARENTS closet!

Answer 8

OK at least it was with your mother and not some other chic this is disgusting but guess what our parents have needs and they have sex so as for now I would try to do something else to distract you but don't confront or be angry about it after all they are grown people and that is their right sorry that you had to see that next time do not go in those shoe boxes HUGS

Answer 9

Sweetheart, first of all, who gave you the permission to be in your dad's closet?? Pumpkin??? You should be glad that your parents are having a healthy sexual relationship, they find each other still very attractive and this is some other kinky way to keep the flame going. Cupcakes, when you mature enough, you will find out that if married people stop having sex, then they will divorce, do you want that from your parents pumpkin??? Just ignore what you saw and be glad your parents are still in love after having you.

Answer 10

ok well simpilar stuff has happened at my house and I'm still angery at my parents. I think it takes time. And it does suck. If you hated your Dad this wouldn't anger you. Hold on to that. Trust me I know what it's like cause your the kid and you can't really help or say anything. I don't know if your christian but pray about it and try talking to your Mom. I KNOW it's tuff, but it's worth a shot, after that you'll know where she stands. And go from there. Hang in there and know your not the only one in your shoes :)

Answer 11

What is their to be angry about?? You stuck your nose in a shoebox that it didn't belong in. When you go snooping through other people's belongings sometimes you find things that you don't want to see. You have no right to be angry with anyone but yourself for being nosy. You should be happy that your dad has photo's of your mom and not some other trampy woman. Good luck to you and I hope you learned your lesson from this. Merry Christmas.