How do you tell your child about a deceased parent?

Question

In 2002, when I was one month pregnant, my husband died in a car accident. Since then his parents have been very supportive and very nice to me (both emotionally and financially). But I have remarried and I am pregnant with my second child.

My child is four years old now and she understands death. I have never mentioned her biological father before, but she is going to visit his parents this week and I remember they have a type of remembrance wall for him in their home. I know they will talk to her about him but how do I reconcile her two fathers afterwards? How do I explain about her dead father and the only father she has ever known?

Answer 1

Perhaps you could tell her (just for now - till she gets a little older like 6 and poses more questions) the following:-

As one of God's children she is very precious and special, one of his angels on earth. God loves her so much that when her daddy died in a car accident, just after she came out of mama's tummy, it made God so sad that he thought his heart was going to break. So he decided to send her another daddy. The new daddy liked his new little girl and her mummy so much that he decided that he wanted live with the little girl and her mummy forever and love them both for ever.

Sooooooooooooooooooo, little Missy 4 year old is the luckiest little girl in the whole round world 'cos she has two daddy's. One in heaven to watch over her and one daddy living with her and her mummy to love and care and look after her for ever! The other people who love her the very best in the whole wide world are her heaven daddy's mummy and daddy, Nanny and Poppy (or whatever just make sure its not first name basis cos she needs it set in concret who they are too) When they cuddle and kiss her and play dolls and stuff with her they have so much fun because she is reaaaaally cool like her heaven daddy and her real daddy. They just think Missy 4 is the bees knees cos she shows them how to do stuff properly!!.............



Don't panic babe, I'm sure your little missy will probably get bored with the length of this answer but all you can is your best and the rest is up to her. She'll cope for sure. My little Emily is just 7 years old and tells me on a regular basis that she should have been the mummy and I should have been the little girl cos she reckons she's got a better grip on life!! You get that......that's life......they're our babies and we just want to wrap them in cotton wool permanently to protect them from the harsh rules of life and nature but all you have to do is let go a smidge. It'll be just fine, you'll see, there's plenty of little missy 4 in her to go round 4 everyone................. God Bless......:)

Answer 2

As a mom of 4 who was in a similar situation although i had 3 kids to explain it too, I suggest you need to let her know that she is very special because she has two daddys. One of them is her angel and one is here with her. Let her know that her first daddy died and went to be an angel before she was born. Explain a little about death to her and if you have any pictures show her some of him. Let her know that he loved her very much even though she was not born yet and that he watches over her now. At 4 they do not understand death so, you have to speak at there mentality level. That was her biological dad and she has a right to know about him. I think its good that his parents are nice to you and are still involved in both of your lives. She will have plenty of questions and just answer them the best way you can with what she asks. As she gets older she will get more curious. That is normal. She will not really mourn him because she never knew him but, she will go through a little sadness because she never did get to meet him. It will not affect her relationship with her daddy now because if you explain it in a way where she has two daddys that will jsut show her she is more special than a lot of kids.

Answer 3

What a situation. Sorry to hear of your dilemma. It is great though that you have moved ahead in your life. You are a trooper and sound like a great mom. Try talking to your current husband about it and keep him involved. Let him let the child know that his or her father was a very special man and that he can't take his place, but that he is very much willing and wanting to be like a father to him/her. Take special time apart from your husband with your child to visit the old grandparents and talk about your child's biological father. Be ready to welcome whatever his or her response is with wide open arms and understanding patience and love. It could turn out to be very simple and uneventful, or it could be a bit of a drama. Either way, your child will appreciate your honesty and openness down the road. Good luck, and God Bless you all! Happy Holidays!

Answer 4

yes you will have to, I would suggest that you tell her that her first daddy died before she was even born,but he was loved very much by you and his mom and dad, This will explain about the memory wall, and that daddy didn't want either of you to be lonely and unhappy so this is the reason for the new daddy who loves you both very much, and what a wonderful and lucky little girl she is to have so many people who love her very much. This is all the truth, and I think acceptable to a small child. I also would advise grandparents what you have told her so that may not mess it up

Answer 5

Tell her, in all honesty, as much as you think she can handle as such a young age. If she has any questions, answer them honestly, but do it before you go to see your former in-laws. Seeing a wall dedicated to her father could confuse her, and she may wonder what to call your husband after all of this. Involve your husband, and let him reassure her that he loves her just as much as if she was his own biological child, and that she is a lucky little girl to have so many people loving her. Good luck.

Answer 6

show her aa picture of booth her dads and explain about each.

also buy her something nice so she isn't that upset!