We have been going out for about a year and a half. He openly admitted that once upon a time he pushed me to my limit and mistreated me just to see how far I'd go. He did things like hang up on me, yell at me, start arguments, physically hit me, all just to test if I would really get fed up or not, but says that he really loves me and I'm the only one. Although I admit all the time that I am not perfect and I know I mess up at times, he still believes he does nothing wrong and never thinks that he should rectify a situation that he caused. The blame will fall on anyone but him.
But my problem is letting go. I just don't know if I can. Why does it feel impossible? Why do I feel like I can't do this? What is the best way && the best step to take towards moving on?
2006-12-25 04:15:26 · 12 answers · asked by re-focusing_energy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The best way is to set your mind to it and do it. Often when we are in a bad relationship our self esteem has been so low we don't think we can move forward. You have to remind yourself of all the negative and keep telling yourself that life is too short to be unhappy. I too was in one of those relationships and when I was finally able to end it for good it was very hard, this was a man i thought i was totally in love with but, now looking back I see I was in love with who I wanted him to be... I hope that makes sense. I was also so used to the way he treated me it was hard to break free because he always promised to change. Well, I have been away from him for a long time and he still calls now and then to try to get me back but, I remind myself of all the negative and I dont fall for it anymore, you can get yourself out of it, when you feel the urge to talk to them or even when you think about them, get your mind focusing on all the bad about that relationship and get busy doing something, anything to take them off your mind. You can do it.. You want to an that is the first step. The next step is to say goodbye and dont look back. Dont let him talk you into talking to him or meeting him anywhere. If he calls, dont answer, erase the messages if he leaves any before you listen to them... And keep your mind busy... It will be hard for the first month and then it will get easier after that. The first month is the worst... I am not trying to scare you out of leaving just being honest, once you make it past that, it gets a lot easier and by then your questioning why you were ever with him so long anyways, Good luck to you and I hope you get out of that relationship you deserve better.
2006-12-25 04:27:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to let go of someone you care about and are attached to. I just had to end a 7 year relationship with someone for some of the same reasons, only we have kids together.
Just be strong and know in your heart that it's for the best. Know that your happiness is just as important as his, and that even if going into the unknown is scary, you can't stay in a bad place just because it's familiar.
The best way to move on is to end it, and end all contact possible... you will both need time to get over the feelings that still may be there and lingering. Sometimes loving someone means letting them go because it's what's best for the both of you, even if he can't see that. In time he will.
2006-12-25 04:20:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know that you should move on, that's the first important step. It may help to realize that your boyfriend isn't unique. Controlling people are always like that- they blame their partner for everything so that they can be "always right", they are very manipulative and convincing because of their own confidence in being right, but it's really based on fear, because deep down, they know they are wrong.
Meanwhile, in trying to save the relationship with this person you once loved, you have over time allowed your own perception of reality to become distorted. Because your confidence in your own point of view has been eroded, and also because you're still emotionally attached to the good times you had together, leaving is a difficult decision.
However, I hope you will have the resolve to realize you must leave, for the sake of your own happiness and mental health. You only have one life to live, so why spend it being miserable with an abusive person. Good luck and take care of yourself.
2006-12-25 04:25:42 · answer #3 · answered by mj_indigo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't you want to be happy is the question I'd ask.You clearly know this man and this situation are not good and you stay?why is that ?listen stop being lazy and end this mess.you have the mind to know it's over and that's most of the battle,most people want to make it better.Leave him and start on a new journey,you're just avoiding the inevitable.
2006-12-25 04:27:53 · answer #4 · answered by punkin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You first need to accept that no matter what amount of love you have for him, that you CAN NOT change his feelings for you. Know that true love was never meant to feel like a tuggle-war. If the conflicts far exceed the times of love and joy, its a good sign you need to move on - you'll only make the pain worse if you keep on. Good luck!
2006-12-25 04:22:37 · answer #5 · answered by curiousJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good part of you may still be having difficulty accepting that your ideal relationship wasn't as ideal as you wished it could have been.
This same part may have also been the 'mother' in you, trying to change him to meet 'your' needs, all the while, overlooking his imperfections. And you couldn't allow yourself to see that he was less than perfect.
After all, didn't he apologize to you for his bad behavior, EVERY time he was abusive to you?
2006-12-25 04:23:44 · answer #6 · answered by bobbye71 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're a LOT stronger than you give yourself credit for! Make up your mind not to be his doormat anymore, then move on in your life! If he's like this now, I can only imagine what he would be like as a husband. Better you found out now, rather than later. Good Luck! YOU CAN do this!!
2006-12-25 04:21:02 · answer #7 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Need to know the difference between a push and a shove!!! Heres a hint a push you don't fall a shove your a$$ is on the floor.... Do you realize where you are at??? LOOKING up to the sky from the floor.... Now let it go and wipe your self clean and GET UP and press on...
2006-12-25 04:24:58 · answer #8 · answered by Lovley RT 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are just gonna have to grow some goanies and just leave! trust me, it won't get any better, he's mentally abusive as well too, and that alone can put you into a pit of depression and be a living hell, having to keep up a pretense of being happy to the outside world, but behind closed doors "living with mr perfect who does no f---ing wrong!" ok, sorry my biggest rant ever! Just get the hell out of there and good luck to you! You deserve better than that!
2006-12-25 04:21:55 · answer #9 · answered by whydiduaskthis? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
in case you like him, forgive and forget approximately. The believe will take time to construct. yet you would be lots happier in case you basically enable pass of the previous and initiate your destiny from this 2nd on. good good fortune
2016-11-23 16:37:04 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋