Yesterday, I was reading a week old newspaper that arrived in the mail from my old hometown. My ex lives there along with my only child a daughter who was to graduate this coming June 2007.
As I do everytime i get this paper I read every page saving the obit's or the last. It's a small town and thus paper isn't more than 20 pages including classified ads.
I get to the last page which contains the obit's and first thing i see is a picture of my daughter and her obituary, she was killed in a traffic accident, the funeral was held and lists various family members including me and date and time the funeral was held.
I was in total shock I was and still am numb, but getting more furious by the minute that i wasn't notified of my daughter's death.
I feel like driving the 120 miles to this small town jerking my ex and her husband out of their house and beating their butts into the ground for not giving me the courtesy of so much as a phone call.
Am I wrong to feel this way?
2006-12-25 03:49:35 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My ex fought both my daughter and I for years about us having a close relationship, always accusing us of loving each other more than her. We've been close since she was born and had to hide our communications and visits with each other from her mother.
2006-12-25 03:58:33 · update #1
I am so sorry for you loss, and I am so sorry, for the lack of compassion and understanding of your daughters mom. I can not imagine what she must have been thinking to send you a newspaper after the fact. God forgive her for her actions. I will keep you in my prayers that God will give you the wisdom and courage to get through what must be the most difficult time or you life. I would not bother doing what you are thinking of doing, I think your thoughts are normal however, this will only make a horrible situation only worse. I would consider calling her and letting her know how inconsiderate and lacking respect her actions were. I would consider your feelings valid and understandable. I pray with time God will heal your heart! God bless you and keep you in his arms at this most horrible time for you and your family. God bless****
2006-12-25 04:07:13 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter has died tragically, and the thing you think is appropriate is causing people pain? Yeah, it's all about you. Now that I've gotten your attention, you must know that anger is a normal part of the grieving process, and to not contact you is pretty far out there in terms of being cold, and unfeeling. But, remember, your ex and her husband are in pain too, and their responses may be just as inappropriate as yours is. They were wrong. They should have contacted you. Don't respond to their wrongness with an even bigger wrongness. You've got some grieving to do, and it is not going to be easy on you. I am truly sorry for your daughter's death.
2006-12-25 03:59:52 · answer #2 · answered by Caper 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your loss. The behavior of your ex is inexcusable. If this happened to me i'd do more than want to beat the living crap out of the ex and her husband.
Your ex deliberately didn't notify you. She must be a low life piece of crap. Even though you were divorced you both lost your child. She is selfish.
Don't go beat them up even though they deserve it alot. Just think positive things about the good relationship you had with your daughter and visit her gravesite.
Your daughter is in a wonderful place and i'm sure she is watching over you. Think of her often, and remember her often.
God Bless you.
2006-12-25 11:16:10 · answer #3 · answered by michellebanks1 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so very sorry for your loss. That's the most cruelest thing a human can do. One can imagine the pain and anger you must feel. Visit your daughter's graveside. As for your ex and her husand, what goes around comes around. Some day, some how the exact same thing will happen to them. Turn your anger over to God. "I will repay," sayeth the Lord, "vengence is mine."
2006-12-25 04:05:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow.. i really feel for you on this situation.. i could not even imagine the pain that you are going through after loosing your daughter. and then on top of that your ex not letting you know.. you should call your ex and talk about it.. even though that might cause you more pain.. there really is not a resolution to this question.. but even though you lost your child.. you should not beat them because that might cause you to be put in jail.. so i hope that whatever you decide to do works out for you and i am sorry for your lose.. and sorry that i could not help with your question. may God be with you.
2006-12-25 04:12:53 · answer #5 · answered by Emi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should definitely be pissed off. I can't imagine that happening to someone. A phone call is all it would take. I am so sorry this has happened to you. If you continue to feel numb please seek help from family members, church organizations, or call a help line. Don't let your anger take you over. Don't threaten your ex or husband but definitely get some answers.
2006-12-25 03:54:42 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear that. You must have lost touch with them
over the years (possibly lost custody?) Still, that is horrible
that the funeral was held without you knowing. Divorce nowadays is so prevalent (sometimes shouldn't happen.)
I, too, am divorced and my husband quit calling me; when we
were married I got five phone calls a day. I will pray for you that
you can forgive them and not use violence against them. Possibly working with an organization against drunk driving will
help heal your heart.
2006-12-25 03:56:59 · answer #7 · answered by judy f 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
wow! that is really sad, as a father u have the right to know what was going on and she is b**** for not informing u of her death, u know but sometimes how can u say that our baby is dead, that's hard because maybe she doesn't believe it herself. I am not trying to sugar coat what she did. U need let her feel your wrath a little bit though because losing a child is everlasting pain.
2006-12-25 05:41:26 · answer #8 · answered by songbirdz03 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not at all wrong. You need to find a way to grieve now by having your own remembrance ceremony, to say good bye. I would seek a counselor immediately. This is a lot to bear. My heart goes out to you and your family...I am so sorry.
2006-12-25 03:56:40 · answer #9 · answered by northville 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you aren't wrong for reacting that way. Anger is a part of the grieving process and in this case more than understandable. I am so very, very sorry for your loss.
2006-12-25 03:54:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋