Whenever i pay them a visit they are just so grumpy, they never go out, they have no hobbies or interests except watching TV, they were bad enough when I was young but they're unbearable now.
Its getting to the point where I just don't want to even go & see them anymore as its quite depressing.
what can I do?
2006-12-25 03:33:33 · 24 answers · asked by andylefty 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm not trying to be arrogant, it just brings me down and makes me feel low to see them like that.
2006-12-25 03:42:44 · update #1
I know what you mean, mine were like that, unless they were falling out with other family members when they got quite perky. It is also scary because you can't help thinking, is this what it is going to be like for me.
What would happen if you organised a day out doing something?
Or an activity day, like a craft workshop?
Are you close enough to one of them to ask them if they are happy staying in all the time? Perhaps if you work on one of them, the other will follow.
2006-12-25 08:58:19 · answer #1 · answered by tagette 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. I used to think that my mother was the least curious person in the world - never asked questions, was totally content to sit and read the newspaper, drove me batty.
I guess the question is: whose problem is it? Yours or theirs? In other words, if they seem content with their life as it is, even though it doesn't appeal to you, then you have to find a way of mustering enough courage to pay them the visits they expect and console yourself with the thought that it'll all be over soon. If on the other hand they seem to be really unhappy, you could suggest the occasional day/half-day trip - maybe a restaurant somewhere with an attractive car drive in order to get there.
Some ways of surviving when you're visiting (I sense that you're not taking grandchildren or similar with you): get out the old photo albums and ask them to tell you the stories behind the pictures - who knows, they might be interesting? - can you take a gift of something that they could do together, like a not-too-demanding needlepoint screen or a paint-by-numbers kit ...
However I have a sense that the atmosphere there may be bringing back some childhood memories for you which are tough for you to deal with ... can you ask yourself that and find the answer? I know that in my case I could hardly stand to have my mother in the house because she treated her one grandchild much better than she'd treated me at that age, she did things that I used to get wallopped for (like talking with her mouth stuffed full) and I used to have to retreat to my bedroom, have a long stare in the mirror, tell myself that there was no point in taking my anger out on an old lady and increasing the amount of unhappiness in the world, and then pitch up for a few more hours. Is there anything in what I've written that strikes a chord with you?
Whatever, it's not going to last for long, so you can grit your teeth and not make two old folk unhappy. Take care.
2006-12-25 11:52:48 · answer #2 · answered by mrsgavanrossem 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried talking to them about it? Or maybe organise something that they might enjoy taking part in?
If you've tried that and nothing came of if, then you may just have to accept that that's the way they are and do not feel unhappy about it themselves.
I mean, some people are quite happy to be couch potatoe.
If they are not drinking, hurting each other, then, let them be.
Besides, you can just keep your visit short.
You can't have people act the way it suits you, or the way you think is right for them.
They have their word to say too.
You may just have to accept that this is the way they like it; quiet; tv on and no fuss. Completely different from the person YOU are.
But now you're an adult and they can't force their choices on you and neither can you on them.x
2006-12-25 12:12:26 · answer #3 · answered by Kc 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been there- my parents are dead now and the thing that bugs me most is the fact that I didn't see them more- because they were grumpy, miserable, etc-- the only thing I can suggest is to try and get them to go on picnics or to a restaurant (if you can afford to , pay the bill, always made mine happy! ha ha ). sometimes you need to sit them down and have a real heart to heart- and if your can't , don't feel bad- I never could talk to my dad-Mr. grumpy pants! but that doesn't mean I did not love him- only wish we had a better relationship- and perhaps we could have if I tried harder- but then ,I won't have that opportunity- don't give up - and don't be discouraged by their attitude- just learn from it!!! don't become a grump also! just keep smiling!!!
2006-12-25 11:42:58 · answer #4 · answered by drox 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue to visit them and if necessary take a friend with you to help you through the exchange. At the end of the day you will not feel any guilt for not having done what you needed to do. It sounds like they don't have much of a life or very much stimulation. You don't need to spend all day with them but a couple of hours won't be too bad and you are very likely the only bright spot in their seemingly dismal existence. Don't give up.
2006-12-25 11:37:43 · answer #5 · answered by Deirdre O 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may want to try to send your parents a heart felt and tactful e-mail to just say how you feel,say it in a way that is more of a concern,not a confrontation,explain to them how it makes you feel when they behave this way...
It's depressing because they are your parents and you love them,you want to spend time with them but,it brings you down when this behavior takes place...
Let them know how much you love them.When you write an e-mail or letter,people have time to digest things and think about it before responding....My mom and I do it all the time to each other and,it works really well....
2006-12-25 11:41:26 · answer #6 · answered by raventears56 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We had no choice in the selection of our parents but they did choose to have us. They probably did the best they knew how, were capable of. Who are we to judge - just give them unconditional love and do what we can to better their lot in life. You can cut down the duration and number of your visits. Maybe they would respond to your initiating more rewarding family get togethers outside the home. Take them out to dinner or offer to provide a weekend away at some fun location.
2006-12-25 11:47:29 · answer #7 · answered by Quest 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try not to be sucked into the negativity. Make a game out of trying to get them to smile or laugh. Isnt that what the holidays and family is all about anyways?
2006-12-25 11:42:25 · answer #8 · answered by TMac 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they are not unhappy that is the way they want to be. Even if they are grumpy when you visit don't abandon them. They are your parents, be grateful they are still around, I wish I had my mother today to celebrate Christmas with me and my kids.Happy Christmas.
2006-12-25 11:59:07 · answer #9 · answered by superstar68 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are miserable because the don't have any activities in their life other than watching television. You could try to encourage them to get out and do something. Maybe you could take them to dinner or something. How very sad. Good luck to you and God bless****
2006-12-25 11:50:02 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋