I made some poor judgments when I was younger but I have grown up since then. Why won't my family forgive me?

Question

It's been 22 years since I married my ex. I was only 18 then. I divorced him due to abuse and placed our son for adoption because I knew I wasn't ready to raise a child at that point. Since then, I went back to college, got my degree, straightened my life around, got stable work and remarried-- this time to a good man. I have tried very hard over the years to "make things right" with my family, but they want nothing to do with me. They all say it's because of my mistakes back when I was 18. I've grown up and moved on with my life. The rest of my family is close-knit, but I'm the outcast despite doing everything I thought I was supposed to do to fix the problems. Why won't my family accept me back into the group even after all this time?

"Maybe it's because you threw your own son out the door like the rest of the trash. Nice to know YOU'RE doing better, tho. I can't say I blame them..."

FYI: My son and I have since been reunited. He found me through the adoption agency 5 years ago. We now have a great relationship. He knows I didn't throw him "out the door like the rest of the trash" And placing a child for adoption IS NOT "throwing him out like the rest of the trash". I'm an adopted person too, and so is my brother. We are NOT TRASH, thank you!

Answer 1

Hey adoption is sooo much better than abortion! Maybe you should remind your family of that? Also, I was a drug addict for 4 years, I am now 20, and my family is just barely trusting me again. Sometimes it just takes time honey! You might just have to wait....

Answer 2

No, youre not trash but a grown adult woman who a few years ago had to make a real tough decision under the circumstances. One that probably has haunted you thru the years but was made out of necessity more than want. Everyone has had to make a tough decision at one time or another and their life went on with them. For your family to hold this against you especially after so long is totally wrong. None of us can change our past even though we all would probably love to change something. But we cant let what people, including family, think about us run our lives or we will never be the individual God meant us to be, or make mistakes that mold us into the people we do become. Since obviousily you have made amends for your past choice and moved on, then the only people with the problem here is your family and thats another huge mistake on their part. Just continue being you and living your life and hopefully someday they will realize their mistake and come crawling. Congrats on your reunion with your son, good for you, good luck and have a real fantastic new year

Answer 3

Closed-minded STUPIDITY!!! That is why they do not forgive. Have they ever taken any responsibility for what happened to you, afterall the apple doesn't fall far from the tree? I am not saying you are horrible for putting your son up for adoption, I am sure his adoptive family is greatful for the gift you gave them. What I am trying to say is that the decision making process is influenced by how you were raised and it sounds to me like they don't want to own up to the fact that they should have been there for you.

Go about your life and be proud of your accomplishments, you are the only approval you need. After 22 years, you have given it your best shot, don't subject yourself to their ignorance any longer. Everyone has a past, it is what you do with the rest of your life that makes the difference. It is time for you to move on and be thankful for the people that do support you and forget the ones that don't. If you think back really hard to your childhood, you will find they had you fighting for approval before you were 18. Love should always be unconditional and never be placed with control. I can't imagine anything in this world that would ever keep me from loving my children, no matter what they had done. Your family needs to get over themselves and you need to move on to people that appreciate the person you have become.

Good Luck and Merry Christmas!

Answer 4

Hmmm. You're a bad person for throwing your kid out like the trash, but your parents are upright people for throwing theirs out like the trash. Just because you were 18 doesn't mean their parental duties ended. Good parents love their wayward children and attempt to bring them back to a moral life by being an example and teaching them. Perhaps they should practice what they preach and try to be more like our heavenly Father who will never give up on you.

Unfortunately, the only person you can control is you. You may be responsible for hurting your family in the past, but you are not responsible for their actions today. They are. If they want to be consumed by hatred, perhaps it would be better to simply concentrate on the family you do have. Your husband clearly loves you and wants you to be happy.

That said, you do have an obligation to the boy you gave up. Contact the agency and at least give them your contact information. If he comes looking for you, you must receive him openly without kidding yourself that he would be better off without you. After 22 years, he is clearly old enough to make his own decision about whether he needs his birth mother in his life, and you must give him whatever he needs from you.

Answer 5

Unless they were the one making those mistakes, they will never understand why you did it. There's no point for you to go back to them because they're bitter towards you. I'm glad you married a decent man with a loving family. Why go back to the people who has long blocked you out of their minds? It's not worth it. Be grateful and lucky that your son doesn't feel the same way and instead accepted you into his life. Count your blessings and move on. Happy holidays!

Answer 6

It is nice to have a family that loves you, but I know of many, many, people that are in world that would love to welcome you into their lives.
I have more close friends than I have family members that are for real. I had to cut some of my family members because the only time that they called me, they wanted something from me.

I was talking to a close friend of mine yesterday, and we figured up that we have known each other for seventeen years. I first meet her when I had left my second husband. I was self-employed, I fell down some stairs broke my foot. I had just moved to this apartment. No workers compensation, no unemployment insurance, no income coming in; what will I do?

I had called several family members that were financially solid, and they had many excuses why they could not loan me the money. I thought about all of the times that I was there for them. You know the saying, what goes around comes around eventally.

I meet my friend at an 12 step meeting, and I shared that God would have to provide away, and I am not going back to my husband. After the meeting she asked me for my home phone #, and I give it to her. She called me that night and said that she wanted to loan me $700 for my rent, and that she worked for an organization that could help me with my utilities and food. I was reluctant at first, but I was desperate.

God is alive and always will be, you do not need your old family member, there are spent of us out there for you--We care, we share with each other.

Answer 7

putting your child up for adoption, probably took a part of that family, and beings that you never made effort to get that child back, they have no effort to except you back . I went through almost the same thing except I was 16 not 18, and a baby , I packed up my baby and left forever, nothing in the whole wide world could ever separate my children from me, no matter what!

Answer 8

you might never find exceptance i am still the black sheep and have raised my children,although i manage to get included it wasnt the same so i moved on and made my immediate family my life sometimes i am so very lonley but it hurts worse to feel like a nobody so just live for you and remember no one is judgeon this earth just make yourself happy because you might waste many years looking for something that will never be the same ps i hope you find it at 42 i am just starting too see what i missed obsessing about it good luck

Answer 9

Life ain't always easy and it's really hard for a parent to watch a child do things that go against the parent's teachings and beliefs. Nevertheless, we are all supposed to love and forgive.

1. If you go to the same church, talk to your pastor, priest, or rabbi
2. If you don't go to church, then start going and pray for forgiveness
3. Talk to each member of your family individually, one by one
4. Confess to them what you believe were your poor judgment mistakes and whether you are sorry for making those choices
5. ASK FOR THEIR FORGIVENESS
6. Continue to be in contact thru cards and letters.

Hopefully, you can normalize relations with 1 or more, and that's a start. But realize that the child you gave away is the grandchild your parents never get to see.

Good Luck

Answer 10

I hate to say but your family is just like mine. I havent talk to them for 23 years now. and i tried. and don't worry about them, they will never forgive you, if they haven't done it by now. you can appologize to them til your blue in the face,. but i would write them all a letter and tell them. the only reason you gave up your son, was for him, to get a better life. and that wasn't easy to do, i could never do it. tell them that they too made mistakes in their lifes, but don't let them ruin the rest of your life, you have a great man, and hopefully in time when they see you happy and that . that they will be coming knocking on your door. give your self some credit. you went back to school. and you straighten your life up and found a great man. I am to the black sheep of my family. the only one i have is my mom, and son. they dont talk to my mom either. but life goes on and its a great one.