My girlfriend and I recently moved into an apartment together and she has had some relationship issues in the past which she warned me about when we first started dating. Both of us agreed that because we got along so well and we are very good for each other that this was a good step to take. Now that we're in the same apartment (co-signed on a 1 year lease), she has said that she is freaked out and doesnt' know what to do. She loves having me around and loves me but says that things are different now and she has trouble giving 100% into our relationship because she is overwhelmed by it all.
I don't feel like I was lied to or used and we did this together. Both of us want the relationship to work and we both honestly want to live together. She isn't sure how to keep from feeling smothered with me here though. Before you all write "you should have seen it coming," trust me I've already been through it so I'm just looking for solutions
2006-12-25 00:34:55 · 5 answers · asked by Evan G 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Honesty and communication
talk to her honestly, the problems will disappear!
2006-12-25 00:38:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure ya'll have already talked and you may have already asked her this, but... Ask her what exactly could you possibly do to help her not feel so smothered. Maybe she just wants to go out by herself more. Or is she smothered just being there in the apartment with you? What's done is done so that is kind of tough. Just tell her you really want to work it out because the alternative solution would be paying hefty fees to break a lease - neither of you want that. While feelings and emotions are definately important, you can't help but to focus on the practical too. You have credit reports to think about. :-) That's a little more important than worrying whether or not if your boyfriend's spit may have gotten on your toothbrush. :-)
2006-12-25 00:41:38 · answer #2 · answered by gabound75 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should both seek some relationship counseling. If she's feeling smothered, avoid her. Tell her to come to you only when she wants to spend time with you. The rest of the time, go out and do things on your own. Spend time in a different room than her.. Do anything to make her feel as though you're not only NOT smothering her, but seeking your own space as well. She will get over this overwhelmed feeling she has. Trust me.
2006-12-25 00:38:57 · answer #3 · answered by Jeri C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she feel that she shouldn't have a life other than connected to you? If so, she needs to learn that it's not only OK but ESSENTIAL to have a life of her own-to have things that she does without you. Some folks need more such "room" in their lives than others and she may need more of that than you need. In any case, the old adage "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." is as true as the day is long. Try to get at the basis for the smothered feeling. It MAY be as simple as attitude adjustment but probably more will be required. If you don't get anywhere with this approach, see if a counselor or therapy can help her get to the bottom of it. There IS a problem there and you can't find it but may be able to help her find it.
2006-12-25 00:53:59 · answer #4 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could be that she has a guilty conscious about living with you outside of marriage, especially if she wants to have a long term relationship with you. So you know the answer.
2006-12-25 00:38:56 · answer #5 · answered by omahaman1954 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋