How do I get and keep that feeling of belonging? What if I never find myself?

Question

I know in my head that having sex will not solve any problems. But I feel like I want to use it as a tool to feel some sort of belongingness but in my head I don't think it will work. I have isolated myself not by choice, but by feeling too embarassed to relate my concerns to patronizing relatives who appear so put together and happy and unwilling to share their vulnerabilities with me if they have any and the most patronizing of friends. Once again, when I need help, I feel lost as to where to find it and I am at my wits end, so I practice long-suffering until some providential series of occurences resolves the problem naturally in due time.

When will 'the way it is' with them match 'the way it is' with you? How do you learn to love yourself when you've never been shown how? I have my life in front of me? what do I have to lose but only time? I often marvel at people in their eighties, how they carry light hearts and keep simple perspectives on life. I'm 32.
In my shoes.

Answer 1

Find a good woman. She will more than likely want to help with any problems and give you that feeling of belonging. Love does heal. Also try to talk to your family. You may be suprised.

Answer 2

I'm really sorry you are hurting so bad right now. I understand where you are coming from, because I felt the same way you did. Please go see your doctor. Get a complete physical, to rule out any medical problems you may have. As long as you get a clean bill of health, the next step is maybe getting on some antidepressant medication. Sometimes it takes a while to find what works, so be patient. Talking to a therapist also helps. Call your local mental health center, or district health department. That can also take a little while to find someone you feel comfortable talking to. It is possible to feel like a member of society, and not feel like you are on the outside looking in. The first step is the hardest, making yourself go to the dr or therapist, but it is worth it. I was where you are right now. And when I finally got on an antidepressant that worked for me, I was surprised at how I felt. I now knew what all those other people felt, and how it was to be "normal." I hope this helps you out.

Answer 3

You have a complex set of problems which will necessitate a complex set of solutions. I can offer suggestions, but you're probably going to need more than I can offer. I am not a qualified mental health expert.

With that out of the way, it sounds like perhaps you might be a nymphomaniac, somebody who craves sex and sexual contact with others, perhaps even to help alleviate a sense of not belonging similar to what you are describing. (I'm sure you wouldn't be the first such person either.)

In any event, I definitely agree with the suggestions of others that you should definitely seek out some kind of counseling. Perhaps a psychiatrist with a specialization in sexual therapy (yes, there is such a field of specialization) could be helpful to you.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

Oh! Poor little thing. To love yourself you need to respect yourself.And to respect yourself you need to be proud of yourself. First list your capabilities then your weaknesses-honestly. See what you can do with your weaknesses, find out how you can develop your capabilities, out shine others. Find solace in religion. When you take one step towards god he takes hundred steps towards you.
make sure you do one good deed a day,that will make you feel proud of yourself,be confident and face the world boldly.
And one thing sweetie no one likes to share their personal side because they are afraid that might turn around against them.

And never use sex as a tool of belonging. You are likely to be graded cheap very soon.

do good, be good enjoy life as it comes

Answer 5

Yeah, I know how you feel. You're now in a place where no man can help you but you yourself & god. Small changes in your life can make big differences. Wish you well.

Answer 6

see some help, try the book "feeling good" and try to think postive.