Is it possible for someone who's 31 yrs old to have a future with someone who's 21 yrs old? How do you cope with the growing of the 21 yr old? We are both very much in love, the passion between us is fire burning and we enjoy each others company very much. We get along great except for the problem with him growing beyond some of the things he used to do like staying out for days at a time over friends houses and we live together. Is true love worth saving in this situation? And given his age should I be pissed that he isn't spending xmas with me instead he's over a friends house? To him xmas is like any other day. At his age I really shouldn't expect more...RIGHT? We cry like hell whenever we think we may split up for good..Serious tears literally. We truly love each other, we just have differences that tend to be an obstacle. I don't like being alone and can't even sleep. He don't like it either but deal with it better cuz he can sleep ok when he's away.
2006-12-24 20:46:42 · 14 answers · asked by Happy Being Me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I look at him as a man not a kid first of all. He has shown this in many ways. The only problem we have is his wanting to stay out. To clarify what I mean by staying out though. He doesn't stay out all the time. He may go over his friends house which is basically the pastor of his church about 1 every other month or so. So he's probably gone out like 3 times since we've been dating and stayed our for maybe a total of 4-5 days there. One of those times I stayed with him for a good 2 of those days and then I went home. Other than that he's at home with me. He doesn't communicate with the outside world any other time except those times. He don't call no one, and barely goes online. He wakes up to me and goes to bed with me. When he's not playing his game he's spending time with me. That's why I asked if I just need to give him his space since he doesn't work yet so he really dont get out at all. He just got out school and wants a job. But meantime he's here allllll day lol.
2006-12-24 21:20:02 · update #1
I can help you understand: he is behaving like a regular, healthy 21 year old male.
Of course he can sleep anywhere, anytime without a care in the world.
Unfortunately for you, he is not behaving like a mature 30 year old with serious relationship needs.
I refuse to knock the guy or to criticize you either. Neither of you are being unreasonable given the context. Age gaps like this can work, but maybe only when the younger is mature for his/her age and the older partner lives a more carefree life for his/her age.
Good luck to both of you, and please stay friends whichever way it works out.
2006-12-24 21:08:11 · answer #1 · answered by Will97 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that it is very possible for a 31 year old to have a future with a 21 year old. How does he cope with a 21 year old and their growing and changing? Well, if it IS true love you both will be able to cope and grow together and adapt and work through everything. Sometimes people are meant for each other and still it doesn't work out because of communication problems. It sounds like you two are in love, and I think if you both are commited and willing to work on whatever comes your way then it can work. But one thing that bothers me is him staying out for days and on Christmas with his friend? That definitely isn't right. A commited man does not spend days out and at his friends house, and even on CHRISTMAS?! There honestly is no reason for him to be staying out for days like that....If him doing this makes you uncomfortable and hurts you, and it is something you know will bother you forever, then yes it is something worth ending it because it is not right. If he is not willing to understand and fix it or even come to a compromise with you then there is something missing and wrong. You need to follow your gut, you know it isn't right, so do the right thing.
2006-12-25 04:55:36 · answer #2 · answered by bdsaintserver 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He stays out for days at a time and you're ok with that? Eh...to each his own. Age ain't nothin' but a number but think about it, your 20s are for basically messing up and finding yourself. You've already done that. Instead of worrying about the future, why not look at the things he's doing right now and use that to make your choice. His fun time with his friends comes first for him so if you want a husband like that, go for it. Be prepared to spend holidays, birthdays and any other special days alone.
2006-12-25 04:55:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people are fond of saying that "age doesn't matter". While I typically agree with such a statement, the truth is that what does matter is "maturity". Having said that, from what you describe, the 21 year old in question is acting like, .... , well, a typical 21 year old. :-) If you are willing to deal with that, I see nothing wrong with it. If you are having second thoughts, though, perhaps you want to talk about that with him and see what he thinks about the matter. In any event, it would probably help put your mind at ease to do so.
I hope it works out for you. Wishing you the best of luck.
2006-12-25 04:57:19 · answer #4 · answered by G A 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Age shouldnt be an issue if u both love each other as u obviously do,just as long as u have a least a few similar interests and keep communicating with each other over everything that bothers each of u.
I went out with a lady who was 20 years younger than me and we would still be together if her ex hadnt *** up her head.
2006-12-25 04:56:03 · answer #5 · answered by jafsil 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why worry about the future? Enjoy every moment with him. Enjoy the present. Don't stress out.
If something happens that causes you two to agree its better if you part romantically then so be it, it will be a natural progression for the both of you and nothing to worry over, and if that time comes you will be ready or you wouldn't make decision.
It might not come. You might stay happy for years and decide to get married. Who knows.
Just enjoy it!!! :]
2006-12-25 04:52:32 · answer #6 · answered by Nog 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gurl you better date someone else u r young and willl find many MEN who will surely want to lead a more serious and mature relations
2006-12-25 04:59:05 · answer #7 · answered by Sam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if he love you like you say he does he would want to stay home with you at night. if he not at home with you that much something is wrong in the relationship that you can't see. you need to talk to him and let him know how you feel. you say he love you but love should have brought him home at night to be with you. good luck
2006-12-25 04:56:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
UM this is easier to say than do. Id leave and find someone who is a lil bit older and mature than a kid is how were you when you were that age ??? how long did it take you to grow out of it ?? can you wait that long ? think about it ! please good luck Merry CHRISTmas
2006-12-25 04:53:51 · answer #9 · answered by mom 2 a queen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uh....
He's still sowing his oats, & not ready to get "serious".
That is apparent.
I was sorta in shoes like that, except my ex was a self-centered nympho & 10 yrs older. I was too much of a "good husband" for her, so she dumped me.
2006-12-25 04:52:30 · answer #10 · answered by ccchevydude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋