I dated a guy last year when i was a freshmann in high school n we dated for like 3 weeks and for some stupid reason i thought i loved him and ended up performing what i guess you could say was oral sex on him i know it was a mistake and we've both come to terms with that and are at peace with eachother but i still feel horifically guilty about it and my friend keeps bugging me as to whether or not i've told my current boyfriend (who ive been dating 4 like 10 mos). I figure he probably doesn't want to know nything unless it's how much better he is as a boyfriend than the other guy was, but whenever i think about it it makes me feel upset and guilty. I'm not sure if he'd look at me any differently or respect me any more or less or be disgusted or what his reaction would be. I do believe he'd still love me but it would be something i could never change. Should I tell him?
2006-12-24 16:43:08 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Why do you feel you need to tell a bf of only 10 months all of your history with others? Never a good idea. Would you want to know the details of his past? All that matters to you both is what you have together since you met. Quit feeling guilty, it is over. People make mistakes and move on. Forgive yourself and learn by your mistakes, but for heaven's sake, don't let yourself be re-victimized by bringing up the situation. If it comes up, what is wrong with saying that you will only acknowledge that you used poor judgment in the past and you have chosen to move on? Now untie the knots and take charge of your feelings!
2006-12-24 17:00:12 · answer #1 · answered by PZ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO! Don't tell him! Why sabatoge a good thing if you don't have to. Especially if you think he might look at you different. Look, guys do it all the time... they don't reveal the details of their past conquests... why should you.
Its in the past. Stop feeling so darn guilty over it. Its done and over with it. You have new guy and a future with him. I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, unless you feel compelled to possibly ruin your relationship with this guy... then tell. Otherwise don't say a word.
You are making drama for yourself without no reason. The only reason why you feel so guilty about your escapade with this previous guy is because the both of you admit that it was mistake. Why put forward that mistake and guilt onto your new guy? That's just stupid.
Just chill and keep your past relationship in the past. Its not like your new boyfriend is asking about your past or anything.
Don't tell him even if you think he'd still love you. Don't add drama to your life if you don't to need to.
2006-12-24 16:52:12 · answer #2 · answered by Ocean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No reason to feel guilty about making a mistake. If it bothers you that much that your boyfriend does not know and you are serious about him (as it appears you are), then perhaps approach it by telling him you feel that since you are serious about him that he should know you once made a big mistake in the past and discuss whether he feels like he wants to know about it or will feel differant about you. If he cares for you as much as you do for him it won't matter to him. Just approach it slow and get a feel for how he feels about it, especially before telling him a name. Best case is he'll tell you it don't matter and don't tell him who - worst case is he blow up and go after the other guy so really this is one where you'll have to approach carefully, but regardless if it bothers you that much talk to him about it definately.
2006-12-24 16:54:51 · answer #3 · answered by Dark Angel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only if he asks what you have done with other guys. It may haunt you inside for a while but thats something you are just going to have to deal with. Dont be selfish and tell him just so you will feel better cuz then he will hurt and if you truly care about him you will just keep your mouth shut. I learned this the hard way. I know i really hurt my bf and i wish i never said anything at all...so do him a favor and keeps your secret to yourself unless he asks.
2006-12-24 17:04:43 · answer #4 · answered by georgiabelle87 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you shouldn't tell him and you know why one because he probably doesn't even want to know. Im married and i know my husband would rather not know. secondly what you did with any other guy is not his business. like you could say you were or were not a virgin but its not his business who it was with or when for example. dont feel guilty what you did is not his business and also why should you feel guilty. yeah your not proud of it and feel bad about it. but what does that have to do with your bf. Men never want to here about there gf doing sexual stuff with other guys. they dont even like to hear about other guys. Ive gotten in trouble for talking about exs because i think about them sometimes because its hard not too you shared something with them. dont worry about it just move on you'll be much happier and it will cause less problems if you dont say anything.
2006-12-24 16:50:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he did did the same thing to you would you want to know? I think it's messed up to do that to anyone but I guess mistakes happen. I think he has a right to know because it's something that could spring up later in the relationship.
2006-12-24 16:48:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If more than one person knows a secret, eventually the secret will come out. My advice to you is this: If you are in a serious relationship with him, then he deserves to know the truth about any sexual conduct. The same goes for him. If the relationship is less than serious, then I do not believe it is anyone's business but your own.
2006-12-24 16:51:50 · answer #7 · answered by mascot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless he asks you specifically you don't have to tell him anything. It was BEFORE he came along so he would have no right to be jealous or angry or have ANY reaction for that matter. There is a reason they call it "the past".
2006-12-24 16:53:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hm well maybe you feel that way because you havnt done anything close to sex unless you have had oral and fingering, you probably feel embarrised or jealous because you havnt even made out yet, there is so much more i could say so if you wanna talk more or have any questions email me and i will be happy to talk and answer, and btw you can call me ellie :P
2016-05-23 05:09:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, don't tell him.
You don't need to burden him with your guilt. You made a mistake. Forgive yourself and let it go. Don't make the same mistake again.
2006-12-24 16:46:41 · answer #10 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋