First Christmas w/o my step dad & dog. Dad died in Feb & dog in May. What do I do?

Question

My step dad died day after birthday of throat cancer he fought 4 14 months.Dog died in May of liver, spleen cancer & hind legs paralyized!Didn't even know she was sick! Find 1 day & seizing the next!I cried more over losing dog then step dad! She was my daughter!My step dad I loved him but when growing up he was an acholic & abusive BUT he was the 1 who promised sister & I a dog!I miss them both very much! I have a new pup 6m old & I love her but not the same! When I was wrapping presents I kept forgetting that I didn't have 2 get for them. My mom cries ALL the time & she is mad that I don't! She EXPECTS me 2 cry! I don't 2 let he down but I don't like crying in front of people & she knows this. I miss them so much & love them so much! This is the 1st Christmas w/o either & it doesn't feel like Christmas! I feel like I'm looking in on everything from above me. Like a 3rd person! I know that when I cry my hubby gets upset so I keep everything in! I just don't know what 2 do.

I am in therpy w/ my husband because our marriage is rocky we might be getting a divorce. I found out I can't have children of my own! This is the 1st yr w/ my step-son & I want 2 be happy 4 him but I just want 2 grab a bottle & drink! I am remembering the good times w/ them both but missing them as well! Plus I know that New Years is next week & that's going 2 bed bad as well! Then his birthday in Feb & the next day! My hubby doesn't understand he says let it go but I don't know if I can! How come I cried more 4 my dog then my step -dad that maked no sense 2 me!!

Answer 1

Just remember them. There is no written rule on how a person grieves. You grieve how you want to. Don't worry about anyone else and what they think. You probably just don't know how to cry for your stepdad. Sometimes, it is easier to cry over the little things but when something BIG hits us, it hits us hard and we keep it bottled up inside of us.

Answer 2

Let yourself feel, let yourself emote and grieve, and do not let anyone else tell you how you 'should' act. There is no 'should' in the grieving process.

If you are a private person, that is totally okay, and if you wish to share your feelings that is fine. This is obviously a very challenging time for you and your family so give each other the time and space needed, acknowledge that you are hurting and just try to find some peace amongst the chaos.

And ultimately, if you do not feel like celebrating the festive season, that is understandable and it is okay. Society does not need to dictate how any of us live our lives so even if the neighbors are all about the celebrations and the food and the presents and the laughter....and this is not for you this year, just be with your feelings and allow the day to unfold at it may be.

And most importantly, take care of YOU.

Answer 3

I was in a similar situation...my dog was 15 1/2 and my grandma and dog passed away within 2 months of each other. I also cried more and thought about my dog more than my grandmother. Reason? I think it's because animals in general are so innocent and we can only think of the good in them and how they made great companions. When you're feeling down, your dog will always come to cheer you up with a lick or the wag of its tail. When we yell at a dog, it doesn't yell back, it just knows your mad, but right after, it will still come and wag its tail begging for your affection. On the flipside, when we yell at a human, they have the ability to understand and yell back, cry, react in an emotion so we oftentimes think of the ups and downs when thinking of a loved one. All dogs want is your attention and affection while humans portray many more desires and emotions in wanting to be with another human; whether it's out of love, pity, jealously, revenge, etc. In general, dogs are content with a human being being there for them while a human needs much more than a random person accompanying them to socialize. In short, its just too darn hard to get mad at an animal when all they know how to do is love you back. <3 *Remember, dogs have a mental capacity of a 3 year old! =)

Answer 4

I know how you feel. Sort of. This will be my first Christmas without my dog, too. He died last week. Which sucks cause it's the week before Christmas. I don't really cry for my dog either. But sometimes I stare off into space and think about him and get sad or scared. It's ok to not feel like crying. Sometimes you just get sick of being sad and dealing with the pain. And you probably cried less for your dad because you knew it was coming. Your dog's death was sudden and it probably hurt because it felt like you were losing everyone you loved.

Answer 5

You have to let it out hun, its part of the grieving process. Hubby needs to hold you and let you cry when you need to cry......relax in the tub and let the tears flow......hold the puppy, tell her how cute she is and tell her stories of your old dog...seems silly but it works.

Always remember, just because you don't see them doesn't mean they don't see you. You know have your step dad and your old friend watching out for you from above......haven't you ever noticed the puppy staring at something you can't see? Do you ever smell something familiar and then the scent is gone?

They are with you, its good to mourn however it is that works best for you. Christmas doesn't have to feel like christmas, its just a day like any other day. Next year it will feel better. My best friend always buys things for her parents and takes them to the grave........she doesn't do it to be sad........she does it feel like they are participants in the celebration.

Answer 6

Please accept my apologies for your losses. Pets can and do become like part of the family. Everyone mourns differently and you probably feel like no one else feels like you do. Your Mom misses your step dad for different reasons than you do and you probably feel like no one understands how much losing your dog hurts you. Have you thought about talking to a therapist?
It might help you in your grieving process. Holidays and other 1st are extremely difficult after suffering a loss. Take care ~

Answer 7

Focus on the living. Keep your spirits up for other people. Nect year it will be easier. This is the second year without my mother and it's better than last. And I still miss my dog, who died in 2001. But we go on.

Answer 8

you won't be able to replace either of them however you can remember the the joy they brought you.