How do I handle my 2 year-old acting jealous of my 2 month-old? Shared attention or individual attention?

Question

My 2 year-old will sometimes try to jump in our laps when we have the baby in our laps or push him out of the way. He hasn't hit him and for the most part he's good with him. My husband and I disagree on how to handle it. He thinks he should try to hold them both or pay them both attention at the same time. I think we should give them individual attention and teach the 2 year-old that sometimes it's his brother's turn to get attention. What do you think?

Answer 1

You are both right. Some shared attention is good.... and both need individual attention as well.

I had a young 2 yr old when I had my 2nd child, so I know what you are dealing with. You might give more attention to the older child when the baby is napping. Then when the baby wakes up and fusses.... you can tell the older one that the baby needs both of you to take care of him/her. So while you get the baby, you might ask the other child to be a "big helper" and get mommy a diaper out, etc. Whatever he is able to help you with.... and praise him for it so he knows it's important to you and that you appreciate his help.

Anything you can do to keep him involved and not feel pushed aside is good. When he feels secure about his place in the family, he will accept the baby more and be more willing to share.

Best Wishes,

Sue

Answer 2

it is way too hard for your 2 year old to understand why someone else has taken away all of his attention. His world before was filled with you both giving him all the attention.He is feeling hurt..confused..and likely scared that someone else is taking you away. be so patient..yes, give him all the attention he needs. Let him sit on your lap when you have the baby..but also include just time for him and you. He is to Young to understand.."not now..mommy needs to do this with baby"..get books about a second child coming in the the family..Arther has one..reassure him all the time...the baby is lucky to have him as a big brother..let him know..this baby will never, ever take away the love you have for him..you heart loves both of your babies..love grows..it doesn't get smaller because someone else came into the family. it takes patience..do not expect it to happen over night..and be prepared for him to regress in a few ways to try and get back Io his baby state in the thought that you will love him more. (this is how they think now)

Answer 3

From my own experience, for toddler who have younger siblings, individual attention is what they want and need. So I don't think your husband's way will solve the problem. However, it's not easy for them to understand that their younger brother needs attention too. This is what I do: whenever I take care of the younger one, I explain everything I am doing to the elder one, and let him participate or help. If both babies cry at the same time, I always attend the elder one first. Then, when I take care the younger one, it's easier for the elder one to accept it. It works for me. Good luck!

Answer 4

um ok firstly specialists reccommend you wait until your first kid is 2 yrs BEFORE even considering haveing a second this way your first is older and less needy when the baby comes along

now - think of it this way he sees you constantly putting the "baby" first.. you probably have said to him more than once "not now.. the baby needs me" or "the baby is sleeping you must be quiet"
soooo he thinks you CLEARLY love the baby MORE!!
you have said "and teach the 2 year-old that sometimes it's his brother's turn to get attention".. but what about letting the 2 year old know that sometimes its HIS OWN turn???

I was the oldest of 4.. mom had my sister when I was 18 months.. obviously I didnt understand it at the time.. but I recall my earliest childhood memory was me crying on the phone when mom had baby # 4.. I KNEW she loved babies more.. and I would never be loved again...

your kid feels less important - he is at a critical age.. he still NEEDS YOU!!!!!
I think sometimes you need to show him that sometimes he does come first...

Answer 5

the baby will always get a big chunk of the attention. I recommend giving "special" time to the 2 year old, and do it without the baby. Like go to the park, give him a treat (bribes work), make sure he gets some mom-2yr old time or dad-2 yr old time when its just you 2, and dont involve baby. Maybe even buy him a big brother gift, we've had friends bring over a baby present for our kids when they were born, and at the same time, these thoughtful people brought over a small "big brother" just to make him feel special, and it worked. (i have 3 boys, 3,5,7,yrs old)

Answer 6

2yr olds LOVE to help. Give him a job to do, You are right tho, he needs seperate attention more than shared attention right now. See if you can get in a little shared attention and increase it over the next few months. After all a new baby is a LARGE shock to a child no matter how well they seem to take it.

Answer 7

Definitely individual attention but also give them shared attention. If you give individual attention your two-year old will still feel special and not neglected, in turn he will feel appreciated and respected give him/her tasks to help out with the little one and he'll/she'll feel needed. I know your husband means well, but trust me I had to learn this from my wife and I knew she was right because as pre-teens and one teenager in the house right now from having them raised the way she saw fit as opposed to some of the things I might have done differently, I think our kids are doing really well...Happy rearing...

Answer 8

I think when you are holing your baby your two year old needs to either have a special activity or a special job that can only be done when you are holding the baby, that way the two year old will look forward to you holding the baby because he will be able to do his special activity.

Answer 9

individual attention, also sit down with him or her and explain that you love them both , and that they are the big sister or brother, that the baby will look up to him and will want to be just like him, also include him in your routine with the baby like helping make the bottel or something

Answer 10

Being 2 your son is in the terror ages and wants all the attn. Try asking him to help you with his brother/ sister. Ask him to grab the nappy for you or ask him to help in the bath etc. Involving him will make him accept the baby more and will also give you time to encourage him. Dont divide your time or that will just develop more troubles when they want their ALONE time with you both. Dont worry he will soon realise that the bub is a playmate ready to happen when they are older !!