I am so very frustrated w/my daughter who has an 8 month old and feeds him solids...?

Question

She gives him all kinds of stuff that he shouldn't even be eating yet! Pizza, cheese, cookies, cake, ice cream, etc. Tonight she gave him a pretzel, and he gummed off a piece and choked til she finally got it out of him! I'm paranoid that she is going to call me one day and tell me he's dead because she is so stubborn that she thinks she knows what she is doing. She won't listen to me. What can I do? Should I call her pediatrician, or just keeping praying that he will survive her???????

Oh my goodness, all these accusations about how I raised my daughter. I should clarify that she is my stepdaughter, and I did not get custody of her until she was 10 years old. Her mother committed suicide, her father is an addict. UGH people.

I'm sorry people. Maybe I should have been much more explicit with the details. I provide food for my grandson regularly. Formula powder, baby foods, the new gerber solids that he can eat, teething biscuits etc. She has access to all of these for the baby. But she'll be at a party, and instead of feeding him baby food, she'll give him whatever is on the table, regardless of whether it is safe for him. I thank all of you though - I think I did over react and will not call the pediatrician. But to watch him choke like that is torture, especially when I feel that she should never have handed him a big fat sour dough hard pretzel!!!! Bless you all.

Answer 1

Yikes. Well, bless you for sticking with your stepdaughter through some unpromising circumstances.

Well, the question I'd ask you is the same question I'd ask anyone getting ready to make a big stink about something: what do you want to have happen, and is what you're thinking about doing likely to accomplish that? If you wrote your wants down on a piece of paper, would they be "I want my grandchild to eat healthy foods that he won't choke on," or would they be "I want my stepdaughter to agree with me and listen to what I say?"

Regardless of the answer, is there anything you can do that will have much effect on that or are you likely to make the situation worse by provoking your stepdaughter's stubbornness to the point that she digs in her heels?

I agree that feeding kids junk foods is really irresponsible. It's even worse where there's a choking risk. Happily, even though kids can and do have accidents, most of the time they survive their parents. The type of situation you're encountering is really, really common between parents and their adult kids: "My mother doesn't trust me to take care of my own child!" It can get to be a real battle of wills. Thank goodness the issues aren't life-threatening most of the time!

So sadly, reluctantly, I recommend backing off a little. For at least awhile, try to be very very neutral when you talk to your stepdaughter. Realize that even when you say something that you may intend to be innocent, more may get read into it. That's the way relationships between mother figures and daughters are. (Deborah Tannen even wrote a book about it called "You're wearing that?")

If things hadn't gone to pot so badly, I'd also recommend getting your stepdaughter a copy of "What to expect: the baby years". Among other things, it has a list of first aid procedures in the back - although I suppose if things get really bad, it's best to call 9-1-1. At this point, unfortunately, gifting your stepdaughter with such a book would probably be regarded as an insult and add fuel to the fire.

Best of luck -

Answer 2

You should not call the pediatrician, first of all, he could not talk to you about any case, it's called confidentiality, and secondly, pediatricians usually do not endorse any sort of parenting styles.

I would express my concerns and just ask her to talk to her pediatrician about it, or offer to go with her to the dr's office on a well baby check (there should be one coming up soon) and spring it on him, like asking "So, in your opinion, what should a child this age be eating?" Although in hindsight that might really tick her off.

In honesty, I was very paranoid with my oldest two children, but with the younger ones I have been very lenient and allowed *tastes* of things that I never would have considered. My one year old probably did have pizza crusts to chew on at that age..it helped with teething. I did stay right there and observe to make sure they didn't choke.

I'm not going to say anything about your parenting style, anyone who has raised children or has older children knows that you can't force someone to choose a lifestyle that you want. She very obviously has chosen an unhealthy lifestyle, and it's unfortunate. The funny thing is, this boy will probably grow up craving stuff (like my husband and SIL never eat white bread, they only buy the whole wheat, sugar free organic stuff, because their mom only bought white bread growing up) and you can provide it when he comes over. If you always provide that healthy stuff, it'll be something he knows that grandma will always do.

Other than that, you might say, "I know he really loves that food, and it's okay in small amounts," (no matter how you feel about it) "but it's also important to have five servings of veggies every day, what can we do to get those for him?" Just really supportive ways that invite her to think and problem solve.

Answer 3

Yes make the call and I will join you in praying for them both. I would of suggested some books on how to take care of babies borrowed from the library. But since she won't listen to you maybe she will listen to the doctor and he or she can recommened some books. Maybe on the doctor's recomendation you can buy her a couple of books, have it set up with the baby's doctor that when she comes in for the next appointment the doctor can give her the books. Do not fear God's power is real and Merry Christmas.

Answer 4

Those kinds of food isn't good for babies, even for toddlers. They can cause illnesses in the future.
Here are some books by Dr. Williams Sears that I can recommend. I love his insights! You can look on amazon.com

"The Healthiest Kid in the Neighborhood: Ten Ways to Get Your Family on the Right Nutritional Track" (Sears Parenting Library) by William Sears, Martha Sears, James Sears, and Robert Sears

Eat Healthy, Feel Great by William Sears, Martha Sears, Christie Watts Kelly, and Renee Andriani

Answer 5

i don't agree on the food choose that she is giving the baby but if the baby doesn't like baby food or if the mother can't afford baby food then why not give him soft foods like finger foods for toddlers like chicken pieces or cheese ravioli that the baby can pick up and put in his mouth him self also perhaps you could go tot the store and buy the baby some toddler foods mom may not be able to afford them and doesn't want to ask you for money to go get baby food just every week show up with baby food figure any where from 3 to 4 jars a day it will give you pease of mind and hopefully help her out in the long run i'm sure she just can't afford them or you could head to your local wick office and try to get assistant's for her and the baby good luck

Answer 6

Your daughter only has to take you advise she does not have to do as you say to do. My daughter has a 6 month old and I do not butt in where I am not asked, even you were a new mother at one time, would you appreciate your mother calling the doctor behind your back. Ask your daughter if she wants you to buy the baby some age appropriate food to help her out, you need to ease into this don't start a war over the baby.

Answer 7

I would try to talk to her about the safe solids he can have buy him a few boxes of the gerber starters solids and some of the fruits that are in the jars maybe she will see that they are better for him and try them. Also explain to her that the cruical time in child development is from birth to 5 yrs of age and she may cause long term problems such as diabetes if he is not fed nutritional foods. Do it as tho u are not attacking her tho and where you and her can just sit quietly and chat. Offer to talk to her dr with her to answer any questions she may have about what he can and cant have. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 8

I don't think there is anything wrong with your daughter or how you raised her. I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill, though. You have absolutely no business calling her child's pediatrician. If you have any concerns then just share them in an non-accusing way with your daughter and if she chooses not to listen to you then you just have to accept that you have done all that you can do.

Just seeing the way you presented your question and talked about your daughter irritated me because you are so over dramatic about the whole thing, so I think it's the way you present your concerns that causes your daughter to not listen to you.

Answer 9

Back away...I hate parents who do this... I will tell you that you can talk to her and try to go to the doc with her and bring it up ( very nicely) so that the doc. can tell her and not you!! I know that she should not do it but that is her kid not yours.Just try to talk to her nicely and explain why she does not need to do it !! But trust me things have changed a lot sense you were a young mom so go with the flow and at least encourage her to at least break it into VERY small pieces for him!! I will tell you that 8 months is not to young for Very small pieces of pretzel, LITTLE pieces of cheese or cake ( that is the age you need to be transferring them to real food to get them used to it.) ( mine was on all real foods by 11 months!) That was doc's orders and I am very paranoid about choking!!! So chill and tell her your concerns but do not over react!!

Answer 10

You should do one of these things (or even both):
- handle the problem yourself. Sit down and have a talk with her saying that she wouldn't be what she is if you didn't raise her properly
- call a pediatrician

These were the best things I can think of that won't harm the baby. I hope I helped!