What should I do about my family? Do you think I should say something or will they even care?

Question

I hate sounding selfish when I ask this question.. but I think now is the time where I'm entitled to be fed up with my family. To start, I just had major surgery this Wednesday (which my family knew about), and will be recovering for the next week. This surgery had been planned for the past 3 months and was a pretty critical surgery. My father, takes off to Canada with his girlfriend and her daughter on Friday and gets mad at me for not being able to go with them. My mother, books a vacation (3 weeks ago) with her boyfriend to spend a week in the Bahamas (she left on Thursday). My sister is on the other side of the country doing her own thing and would never have any interest to come over and help her big sis. Now I've always put my family first. I have a job that requires a lot of overseas work and I always will come home at the drop of a pin if my family asks me. Am I wrong for feeling like they crossed the line on this one? I'm spending x-mas with my dogs, in pain, and barely mobile

I had been in a pretty bad accident while working overseas and broke a whole bunch of bones. I wasn't able to breathe properly after my nose break (only able to breathe out my my mouth) so this surgery was to correct that. Sorry... I'll mention that. Thanks by the way for all the love from everyone right now.. it's really appreciated.. I hope you all are having a fantastic holiday.

Answer 1

Wow. Hugs on the surgery and having to be miserable over Christmas.

You will feel at least momentarily better if you get after your family, but I really don't think it will change anything. It sounds like you are the one member of the family for whom "family" actually means something. Everyone else sounds horribly selfish, especially your parents, who are more interested in their sex lives than in their daughter.

My long term advice would be to try and accept that they are who they are, and while you want a close, giving relationship with them, they are not people who are capable of giving you that. Accept their limitations, and hopefully find someone else in your life who IS capable of sharing a deeper relationship with you.

Another thing... stop dropping everything to be there when they need you. They demand your presence because they're used to being able to demand it. You are not going to make them treat you better and love you more by bowing to their wishes, so stop doing it. You owe it to yourself to stop being pushed around.

I hope your pain meds work well. Merry Christmas.

Answer 2

No you are not wrong at all. I think families should stick together and in times of need should be helpful. I just experienced such, I am a single mom, a college graduate. However, I had an injury that required surgery for my shoulder. In July I had surgery and again in November. Well my family lives very close. The town we live in is 4.4 sq.miles. I was since July until this past week really unable to do very much with my right hand/arm. I am right handed. None of them father or three sisters have called and asked if i needed anything or if they could do anything for me. However, when I was working they would call daily and when they needed anything, I was always the one to help with money or errands. Anything they needed. You can not control the behaviors of others. I will forgive them, however, I will not forget and when they need something in the future, I will not go out of my way to accommodate any of them. Hope you are feeling better soon, God Speed in your recovery. Have a blessed Christmas and a joyous New Year! God bless****

Answer 3

Without knowing more about your family dynamics, this is a hard one. But it sounds like your family probably doesn't spend a lot of time together, esp not together at Christmas... otherwise it would be hard to imagine everyone going in different directions. So it probably just has a lot to do with everyone making their own plans and not thinking much about the rest. I feel like they didn't cross the line, because everyone doing their own thing kind of sounds like the norm for your family. Does your family know you'd be there "at the drop of a pin"? Has it ever happened that you flew back home from overseas just to help someone through a rough time? Is it possible you're not nearly as available to them as you imagine? You can't change anyone's behaviour but your own. I say, leave it alone.

Answer 4

My heart goes out to you. Yes, it sounds like there was some selfish thinking on their parts. You have every right to be a little bit p*ssed off. They knew about this surgery over three months ago, but still planned vacations when they knew you would need some help. I don't even know you, but after hearing this, I would even be willing to help you out. I don't know that saying anything would matter, but it may make you feel better. You shouldn't have to deal with this kind of stress anytime, let alone after surgery.

Answer 5

you're "settling" for a family members member who loves your baby vs a baby care midsection the place your baby would be left to cry and omitted? What? In a baby care midsection the ratio is 4 babies to a million person. meaning if your baby is crying, harm, scared, hungry, however, they'd desire to attend because of the fact there is in basic terms a million woman and all 4 babies could have needs on the same time. i'd particularly have a relative who adores my daughter watch her any day. i understand when I go away my daughter with my mom that my mom supplies my daughter one hundred% interest, holds her all of the time, cuddles her, and treats her like the main intense person in the worldwide. complete day daycare in my city is $204 for babies over 18 months and $275 a week for babies.

Answer 6

Sounds to me that your family are trying to put some kind of sanity to their lives by not thinking about noone but themselves.If you wanna drop me an e-mail Ill be off work until the 26th ok see ya

Answer 7

That is just rude.If it really was that critical sugery,my family would't be flying of to the bahamas,or having fun in Canada.I feel bad for you.You have every right to be angrgy at them.Anyways,Merry Christmas.

Answer 8

Gee wiz--I'm sorry for your situation. yes--I believe they crossed the line--they --or at least one of them could have been there for you. Hopefully you have friend or two who can drop in and check on you to be sure you are alright and help you out if need be. I would say something--even if they didn't care--at least you said something and they know how you feel-and hopefully they'll think about it. Take Care and Blessings.

Answer 9

OH YES THEY PASSED THE BORDER. I THINK U SHOULD LOOK FOR SOME OF THOSE TRUE BEST FRIENDS THAT THERE IS OUT THERE. THERE ARE SOME OTHER PEOPLE THAT MAY B LONELY ON XMAS TOO AND THATS WHY WE HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER AND STUFF. LIKE RIGHT NOW WE ARE WAITING FOR FAMILY AND THEY HAVENT EVEN SHOWED UP I THINK WE DONT HAVE A FAMILY. BUT HEY MY HOMEGURLS ARE THERE FOR ME.

Answer 10

Call a friend or two, don't worry about what you cannot change in others, and try to feel better soon.

Take care,
Best luck.