put my son up for adoption?

Question

I have a 20 mnths old so. Father couldn't care less about him & doesn't even pay child support on time. I'm an only child and not close to my family at all. I know a lot of people but they don't bother to call me or come to see me and my son. I haven't been able to make new friends cause people aren't drawn to me and I fear rejection.
I have no car and can't get anything more than a $12/hr job even though I have a degree (so basicallly I have no $). I'm severely depressed b/c of my situation and my sad past.
I don't want my child to grow up w/ no family and no daddy like I did cause it's a terrible feeling. I no longer think I'm strong enough to raise him all alone. I want to put him up for adoption so he can grow up happy. On the other hand, I really love him and I know I'll miss him terribly. Plus most couples seeking to adopt are white and my son is black. Foster care is out of the question.

Answer 1

Okay. First off, 12$ an hour is a good job. I make minimum wage, and I couldnt support my kids on my own without help. There is assistance out there. Such as food stamps, child care, cash, commodoties. Try that first maybe. And talk to your local State assistance ppl, like SRS. They can get child support from him, and ON TIME!! So, MAKE SURE that this is what you want before you do it. Second. Yes it will be hard to find a black family to raise your child. BUT, it shouldnt matter as long as the parents that adopt your child raise him proper and love him. When I was 17 I had my first child. I placed her up for adoption. We did what is called an 'open adoption', meaning, they bring her for visits, we get to go visit her, they send pictures and video. Try that if you are serious about adoption. I couldnt be happier for my daughter. Granted, I do miss her, and I do wish at time that I had her. But even now, being married with a job (unlike when she was born), she is still with a better family. They can give her sooooooo much more then I ever could. They make good money, and she has a little brother. She is sooooooooooo smart, and I dont know if she would be turning out so well if she would of been with me. I would not change anything for the world. I love that I still get to see her, and because its an open adoption, and we see eachother often, she knows that she is adopted, and where she came from. But, I will tell you this. If you are going to choose adoption, do it now. Like you said, most parents are white, so it will be hard for you to choose a family, aside from that, if he gets to be too old, you may not be able to find a family at all, as most couples want younger children. Also, think about this and get couseling. You may just be in a rut. Or depressed. Maybe if you are, and they put you on anti depressants, you would feel like yourself again and feel as if you are able to do it on your own again. Good luck, I hope it all works out, if you want to discuss this further, feel free to message me or email me.

Answer 2

I am so sorry that you are feeling so hopeless and alone. I truly believe that things will get better for you if you just continue to stick it out. Perhaps God gave you your son because he knew you didn't have anyone. Don't worry about everything that you don't have. Don't worry about the fact that your son won't have everything that you wish him too. No one's life is perfect. What does matter is that he has YOU. Just focus on being the BEST mom to this beautiful gift that you were given. I know it must be so hard to be a single Mom. And I understand you must be having such a hard time getting ahead.. but don't lose hope! Because you say that you have a hard time meeting people... I would consider joining a parenting group... or maybe a church (if you are in any way spiritual... and if you're not... maybe this will help you through your tough times... and you'll meet caring people maybe.)

I definitely wouldn't give up your son. He is old enough now that he would be tremendously affected by a sense of abandonment. Just do your best to make yourself happy, however you can, and try your best to put yourself out there even though you're afraid. Make yourself happy so that you can be a hppy person for your boy. Believe me. I was raised with a depressed mother and it was hard. I still have issues from it. But I would have been even more messed up being raised by strangers.

Hang in there Mama. You have a purpose... and right now your purpose is your son. Then later you can worry about everything else. You'll get ahead. You are just getting started.

Answer 3

How very noble of you to take on the challenge of raising your son alone. It is very unselfish of you to want the best for him and to consider that a family might be able to offer that. You need to realize this though...YOU are his family. At this age it would probably be devastating to him to lose you. Times are hard all over. Making ends meet is tough. You are seeing the situation you're in right now and not wanting your son to grow up like that but you can't see down the road. You can make the situation different. Hard work, determination and persistence can change things. God can change things. He can give you the strength to endure if you turn to Him. God may send a loving and devoted man to you who will love your son and raise him as his own. I've seen it happen to people I know. We tend to see the bad times as permanent when they're not. There's always hope for a better tomorrow. Get in church. Find a support group. There are people out there to offer help be it rides or childcare or whatever you need to help you get ahead and succeed. Ask for help. Don't give up. Don't give up your son. God gave him to you as a gift. Cherish him and raise him with love. God bless you and your son. Merry Christmas! And I'm praying for a brighter and more prosperous New Year for you both!

Answer 4

You are not the only person that raised a child without child support. I raise my son by myself, in eighteen years his father give me less than $2000. I went to the county and they told me that I was making $10 over their budget. I went to the DA, and it turned out that my ex knew him, and he told him all of the loop holes in the law.
I loved my son also, and I made up my mind that we will survive no matter what. I walked to work everyday to save money to buy a junk car. It took me one year walking over a mile to and from work. I bought my clothes at the second hand store. I stuffed my shoes with cardboard because I did not have the money to buy new shoes. I went to the day old bakery every week, I cook things that would go far.
I went to work everyday, I prayer, I kept a positive attitude about life. I went to the free clinic and talked to a social worker on a regular basis. I got referral to see a doctor and therapist to get my head on straight.
My family was not there for me neither, but that is why my faith is so strong today. I learned that God could, and would, if I chose to let Him direct my path.
There are many support groups and organization that are willing to help you come through this situation.
Hang in there and you will not regret it--below are two groups that can help you--

Answer 5

Please STOP and carefully read this message! You really need to explore all of your options before you even think further about this. There are churchs and organizations that will help you with this. Do not give away your son!

First, get on the internet, (use yellow pages) and look up charities, churches and organizations that can help you. If you have to call up a couple of your local churches and reach out to the pastor and congregation for help. Do not let fear of rejection destroy you. There are voices or whispers you are listening to deep within you that are wrong, and will cause you to make a fatal mistake (due to your depression). Do not listen to all the crazy, depression filled thoughts you are having.

YOU MUST REACH OUT FOR HELP, if one person turns you away, keep at it. I guarantee you that someone will help you. Make sure you tell them what is going on, and what you need in order to care for your son. Be open and honest.
Dont say you dont have family..... You have family,.....you have your SON! Hang in there, pray and reach out to people. I know this sounds difficult, but just please do it.

A guy I once knew told me, When you are going through hell, DONT STOP. Keep going and you will come out of it !!

Dont abandon your son. Do whatever it takes to keep you all together. I suggest starting with churches and organizations that specialize in these types of situations. One day you will look up and everything will be okay, and you will still have your son by your side, and you will smile and be glad you hung on. You will see this day.

Please begin seeking help. Dont give up until you have EXHAUSTED every resource.

Answer 6

first of all i think that you should get some counseling because you sound like your very depressed. $12 an hour is actually pretty good where i live especially if its just you and your son. go to the courts get help and get child support. you didnt make this baby alone, why should you be the only one responsible? as for giving up your child, personally i think that will only cause you more pain, regret and depression. be strong and show him that no matter how tough things get that mom will never give up on him. and dont forget if money is really tough there are always social services like welfare or family assistance out there that can help you out. dont give up on your son. he needs you

Answer 7

Not all couples hoping to adopt want only white children. My husband and I are waiting to be matched with a child and we are waiting for a child to adopt either in the foster care system or through a private adoption - and we are hoping for a child of any race and up through 8 years old.

I def. think you should get counseling from someone who is neutral in this situation.

My husband and I would definitely be interested in talking to you about your son. We have an approved home study to adopt and can get you in touch with our agency. We are also open to an open adoption or semi-open adoption where the parents can be a part of the child's life growing up through visits, pictures, letters, and phone calls.

So if you decide it is worth talking to us about, you can contact us. Maybe we would be a good fit and maybe you would decide that we are not. I hope to hear from you soon!

our email is [e-mail] or [e-mail]

Answer 8

you need to look at your son and bring your sefl together when i found out i was pregnant with my daughter i was 18 no job no education no car or licsen to even drive my daughter is now a year and a half i got my ged a collage education a car a place of my own for us and i got off walfair all in that time i am now 20 married with her a step son and one on the way all you have to do is put your mind to it and you can give your son the life you want dont just give up on yoursefl for his sack . god bless merry christmas and happy new year i also no how you feel about the no dad thing my dad wasnt there but i had a great mom and made it so u can be a wonderful mother to that little boy and he will be just fine just have faith

Answer 9

No you shouldn't. He is almost two that is too old for adoption. When he grows up he'll want to know who he looks like why he is the way he is. And only you can show him that. And race doesn't matter if you get the right couple. Some know how to take care of a black child. Keep survivin'.

Answer 10

DO NOT GIVE HIM UP- read all the above for help and direction- even open odoption hurts sooo bad- that is what LittleDreamerGirl, above, did. I've known her, her whole life. It's the worst thing she ever did for both of them emotinally. Sure, they were better off at the time survivaly but not in the long run. She watched from the sidelines in pain as he grew. He was more stable- becuz she had NO FAMILY SUPPORT or father, but always worked and so she didn't qualify for aid, now there are better resources and all- FIND THEM!! Get counseling for yourself too- IT IS HARD- but there is HOPE! Email anytime... [e-mail]- We will help you.