i have family problem plz help?

Question

my dad has a huge drinking problem n' every weekend his alwayz drunk. my dad wont take me or my family out. me n' my mom trying going out but my dad doesnt want us 2 out go b/cuz he doesnt wanna take care of my little brother. sumtimes i just wanna kill myself or just runaway. i told him dat im depress but he takes it like a joke. im just suffering by my dad side. n' his dropout he used smoke weed in front of me. his not a good father. im depress, im anorexia. i dont no wat 2 do.

Answer 1

You cannot change your parents, but you can change yourself. All you can do is love them and hope they change, if you have talked to them and it dont work! Dont let yourself go there. Good luck.

Answer 2

My dad would get mean and violent as a drunk. Apparently you dont have that yet, so be thankful. He gave my 4 year old brother a concussion by throwing him headfirst into a 50-gallon drum filled with two by fours.

Your dad drinks most likely because of fear of pain. The single pain that drives people the most, the single most powerful pain, is emotional pain. Someone hurt him, and he is afraid of facing the hurt, and he is afraid of feeling a hurt like that again. That is the number 1 source of addiction in the world.

You are on the outside of your dad, not the inside. You cant touch his heart. You cant change it, either for the better or the worse.

It sounds like you are starting to act out. Saying he is not a good father, or bringing up drug use out of context, and then saying that you are anorexic like that is called "fishing". Context is key.

Your problem isnt your dad at all, its how you feel. Right now you are acting out because you think that fishing for a response from me might help you feel better. Although its validating, its also over the line in terms of manipulative and controlling.

Your father controls what he feels with alcohol. You appear to be going down the same path, and right now Im your alcohol.

A local organization that can do a ton of good, that can both speak the relevant truths that you need to hear, that can help sometimes with babysitting, and can help you to effectively help your dad, is one of AA, Alanon, or Alateen.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/?Media=PlayFlash

As a child of an abusive alcoholic, I found the following useful:
http://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Alcoholics-Janet-Woititz/dp/1558741127/sr=1-1/qid=1167006076/ref=sr_1_1/104-3233841-1097528?ie=UTF8&s=books
http://www.amazon.com/Lifeskills-Adult-Children-Janet-Woititz/dp/1558740708

My mom-in-law sent it. I didnt think it could possibly be useful until I started reading. It was good.

Answer 3

My dad is a complete loser.He drinks all the time and used to smoke weed with me.He's been with several women through out his life.He is 58 now and hangs around young people doing stupid things.He never grew up!I feel sorry for him now because I think he has never gave himself a chance to realize how wonderful life can be without all the substance abuse.Im 32 now,and have 2 children and an amazing wife.Life does get better as long as you can see the mistakes that he's made and is still making.Be fortunate that you have a clear view of what not to be.Good luck,baby.You'll be fine

Answer 4

You need to speak to another adult outside of your home about what is going on. That can be someone like an aunt, uncle, or grandparent if you are comfortable with that and trust them. If you don't feel like getting other family will help, talk to your school counselor, teacher, or principal, and they will make sure you get the help you need. Hang in there girl! I went through some crazy stuff with my father too when I was a teenager, and as hard as it is to deal with now, you will make it through and be a stronger person because of it. Any man can make a child, but many of them aren't worthy or able to be a good father.

Answer 5

You are not alone. I am 20+ years old and I have dealt with BOTH parents having drug and alcohol problems--to the point where my bro and I had to be raised by Granny throughout the teen years. It is not your fault; he knows how your family feels. If he wants to quit, he will. Until then, you have to realize he is an adult and you can't control his actions, and on top of that, he's a man--so you really can't control what he does. Just know that it isn't your fault and you have to work on becoming the best adult that you can so you don't put your children through this. I grew up got a college degree--don't get me wrong, the fam situation bothers me, but I won't let it control my life. PLEASE try not to be depressed. And you live YOUR life with your friends and just love your dad anyway. Be strong--that's the cards life dealt us!

Answer 6

Don't be depressed, you can't control your dad's situation. But you can try to help him by getting him professional help. Alcoholism is a big thing that you can't control or help. He needs help,but he has to know so first. He will hit rock bottom and wake up. No ones life or family is perfect, get a good education so you can rely on yourself. Try to help your dad but don't get depressed when he says bad things to you,because he's sick now. Now with the anorexia thing, honey you can't do that. You have to take good care of yourself. Alcoholism is an illness as well a anorexia.
Sometimes the kids have to be stronger than the parent's,they need us as well as we need them. Join a sport to keep busy or go out with friends sometimes.You can still go out with your mom,can't you bring your brother along. He needs to have attention as well,if not ask some you trust to watch him. You guys all need to stand with each other,in good health and love. You never know what tomorrow brings. But education is the key to success and life. Take care, good luck.

Answer 7

I would tell your mother how you feel. Ask your mom if you could maybe move out into a Aunt's or something. Or just see if you can stay at a friends house for a month or so and get out a little. Apparently you need a lot of time AWAY from home.

Answer 8

I have a crappy family too.He needs help but won't get it until he realizes he has a problem. I'm so sorry.You can learn from him. Keep your life in focus.Stay in school and make a life for yourself.If he is violent, your mother and you need to make a plan to escape. Never leave your brother alone with this man. Make friends. Reach out to others to survive this experience.Get involved in school activities. You need to stop getting sucked up into his sickness.Talk to a counselor at school if you can find one worth talking to. Email me anytime if you need a friend. [e-mail] You have so much to offer to the world. Hang in there.There is light at the end of the tunnel.You are strong. I believe in you. In the meantime, in this hell you are in write in a journal or use music and art to help you. My thoughts are with you.

Answer 9

Hi Michelle. Please get support for yourself starting with Alateen. Talk to your school counselor and tell him the situation and get some resources there.

I can not speak about anorexia. But I am also child of alcoholic. Know that you can have a happy and fulfilling life. But you probably need to get some support to get our of the dynamics of family alchoholism.

Educate yourself by reading..

Another Chance: Hope and Health for the Alcoholic Family by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse

and..

Bradshaw On: The Family by John Bradshaw

Answer 10

I am so sorry to hear your pain. First of all, there is nothing in the world you can do to get your dad to stop. But you can stop the pain you feel. There is a program called ala-teen, there are plenty of websites with toll free numbers......call them. No matter what you are goping through, they will understand. Hold on, baby. There is help. Ala-teen. also Ala-non.

Answer 11

i feel srry for u anyway about ur family um.........u can try telling ur dad how u feel inside u and tell him other familys r better and ur dad might understand and the part how u said that ur mom is going out then tell ur mom that ur dad has a drinking problem so u cant just leave him.srry about ur family :{