I have been in a relationship for two years and now she said she needs space?

Question

So i am 27 and my fiance is 22. We met in college and hit it off great. I got a job and moved while she finished her senior year of school. At times it was hard because of the loneliness i felt and she wanted to go out and have fun..I saw this as she didnt care and gave her a hard time. We made it through the year with the only problem of my jealousy. She graduated and she ended up moving to be with me. She couldnt find a job where i lived and i found her a job to be at her home town and told her i would follow. We got engaged in September and to be extremely honest our relationship is really great. I fear that my jealousy has been an issue and im fully aware that is not good. The only time i did get jealous was when she wanted to go out. To make a long story short. She just said she wants to have fun...she got her first job and wants to feel independent. says she loves me and have faith but she needs space. Oh and another guy at work came into the pic. What do i do?

Answer 1

Do you realize how YOUNG she is? She's 22 - she just finished college and she wants to live life! Maybe she isn't ready for marriage.

You two should consider premarriage counseling before you go any further.

Answer 2

Giving her space probably means deal with the jealousy, because even though it can be really hard at times, it can really ruin relationships. You've known her for a long time, and you're engaged so you should trust her. If she's the kind of person that likes to go out with friends (even when some of them are guys), you need to let her. It's not fair to her if you get angry when she befriends another guy, because if you've had this good of a relationship this long, then theres no reason she should ever cheat on you. Try talking to her about it and ask (don't interrogate) her what she means by space (like if she actually wants separation kind of space verses letting her go out with friends and not try to control her in that sense as much) and talk to her about the problem you have with jealousy. It will really let her know that you are willing to fix the issues you have between the both of you and she will get a better understanding of how you feel. If she starts saying, "you know what I mean by space" or "just give me space, I don't want to talk about it" or that kind of stuff, don't get mad at her, but just say that you don't really understand what she means by it (it's not just that you're a guy and that she can assume that you should understand, because this kind of thing isn't simple) and really just try to talk this through. You want to spend the rest of your life with her, so you'll need to be able to overcome these kinds of situations.

Also, try to remember what you were like at 22; it's a lot younger of an age (she just graduated college, after all) and 27 is the age when a lot of people don't enjoy the whole crazy partying with friends kind of life. In a few years she probably won't want to go out like that as much (don't expect this of her, however, because everyone's different) and things should level out. After all, five years isn't that much of an age difference for married couples, but when you're younger (think 10 verses 15) it's a big difference.

Answer 3

when a woman says she loves a man, and is happy enough with him to say she will marry him, he should rest assured. i would break off an engagement if my fiance didn't want me to go out with my girlfriends--no woman should be without girlfriends, especially when she will marry you. that's because if you have a fight, she can cry on her girlfriends' shoulders.

ask her, without raging jealousy, if the other guy means anything to her other than a coworker or just another of the crowd of friends she has at work. i doubt she's interested. tell her, if you must, that usually flirtations at the office are just "falling in sex," but i'd try not to say that at all: i would try not to worry about him. she has your ring on her finger, which shows him she is attached to you.

why don't you go out once in a while with the guys, not to get drunk, which will just make you a mean jealous guy, but to talk. you need your friends too. you can tell her that it is all right that she has her space, but you need some of your own too. see what she says. maybe you will see that she also is jealous.

however, marriage should be based on a good understanding of each other, deep friendship, and trust. in addition, mis-, non-, and dysfunctional communication are the bane of the world. don't you see that miscommunication is what is always to blame in difficulties in human intercourse? what you and she should work on is open, clear and honest communication. you really should quit acting jealous because it will push her away from you. what you say in being jealous is that you do not trust her.

i think you have the makings of a good marriage. i hope you work on that rather than wasting your time over worries that don't exist. all you will do then is fight. what do you need that for?

Answer 4

Do exactly what she asked you to do. Have FAITH in her. It's obvious that your jealousy is really getting in the way of things and you need to slowly start letting that go. Jealousy in a marriage is the last thing you want. So make sure that feeling is gone before you walk down the aisle. Now what do u mean by another guy came into the picture? Is that just your jealousy speaking? Trust her. If you love her, and obviously you do if you want to marry the girl, then just trust her. She needs space then give it to her. And if you don't want to lose her then start working towards getting rid of the jealousy.

Answer 5

Your both still young you should enjoy life why you can. You need to know that she loves you but she needs some space to enjoy her own life. Your never going to make it as a married couple if you dont learn to trust her. Belive me I've had my share of jealous moments then I just kept reminding myself that the person doesnt belong to me and needs to live their own lifes too. Does this make any sence? If you were ment to betogether then be together dont let some dumb thing like this break you apart but know that she is her own person and if you love her you need to get over this jealousy thing. Maybe you need to sit down and talk to her and tell her why you are so Jealous maybe work something out so that you feel more trustworth towards her and she can still have fun?

Answer 6

Whoa, sounds pretty interesting. I'd say that you should just tell her how you feel, sure it sounds lame and typical answer, but it's true, it's worked for me anyway. If you don't feel like doing that just beat the other dude up =D Naww, i'm j/k but you really should have a talk, and she might be realizing what marriage truly means. You never know unless you ask, and if there is someone else then shes not the one. Personaly i'd rather be single then in a false relationship. Good luck with whatever you choose.

Merry Christmas

Answer 7

You can't hold on to someone that does not want to be held on to. If she loves you as you believe she does than you need to trust her. Until you have a reason not to, give her the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise you're in a relationship that has no trust. Which isn't much of a relationship regardless of how many years it spans. If its meant to be, it will be. So don't run yourself down by being possessive and overbearing. Value yourself enough to know that she wouldn't just throw you away.

Answer 8

Umm id say ur best bet is to not worry about it. If shes engaged with u and u trust that she doesnt cheat on you then its not a problem. Just dont let ur jealousy destroy the relationship.

Answer 9

trust her ... i had the same problem, don't lose a girl because of this issue, my ex left me because i was too jealous too. If you believe that she loves you she'll come around, 22 is close to the age stopping to go out anyway, give her time.. But most important things, you have to TRUST her... don't make same mistake as me

Answer 10

If she says she need space give it to her. The worst thing you can do is keep her confined. That is defiantly going to make her run. If she really wants to be with you she will just give her time. You would rather know now then after you have been married and have kids. They and you would truly suffer worse then.