what is my daughter trying to say?

Question

she's 2 years old and only just started talking coherantly.
She keeps going on about Justin (who is my boyfriend - not her dad) doing finger. That's her words.

Justin finger.

I really don't want to put words into her mouth, so i have been trying coax more out of her gently but she just gets really upset and wont talk.

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and i didnt think there were any problems. he is generally very good with her, although my daughter wont go anywhere near him now.

Please help i'm at my wits end

Answer 1

Glad you're taking this seriously, you got plenty of good advice there. Well done for dealing with it; I let things carry on for too long when my son got abused because, like you, I wasn't sure of anything and didn't know what to do.

Answer 2

Keep calm!!!
It isn't always a good idea to go off the deep end or make assumptions, maybe she is talking about a game that she associates with fingers, IE 'round and round the garden like a teddy bear'.
My son is two and has a toy with buttons - which he associates with 'finger' - although he says 'finger daddy finger' - I don't assume he is being abused!!
I also have a friend with a child of a similar age, her little girl talks all the time about 'cocks' - because she can't pronounce clocks - not because she is being abused!
Try to think rationally about what else you daughter could be referring too. Is there anything in your partners behaviour that would make you jump to this conclusion?
I would suggest not letting your partner dress, bath or change nappies for your daughter until you have cleared this matter up though - just to be on the safe side. Also be wary of leaving them alone together.

Answer 3

Try questioning her in her own language? start by holding up both hands open and ask "Which Justin Finger?" Get her to point at which finger he uses? It could be that he's just telling her off for some habit she's picked up by point and/or wagging his finger at her, or as I suspect you suspect something more malevolent?

Carry on by asking "Justin finger touch here?" and point to a random part of her body - her arm or something. She'll soon cotton on to the message. If she's intelligent enough to string words together at 2 then she'll be intelligent enough to realise what information you want her to give you?

Its a sad fact in my opinion that as society encourages its young to grow up quicker. The evolutionary process incorporates this into the gene pool and every generation gets a bit more adult earlier than the generation before. Its a sign that its happening now by the way 5 and 6 year olds have more grasp of the video remote than the parents do.

Its good in some respects, especially from the point of view of bringing on a childs education, but a child's childhood is equally important and I think the way the evolutionary process is going we're endanger of naturally precluding a child from their own childhood if we're not careful!

In other words give your child the credit for her own intelligence that she deserves. Don't dismiss the things she says just because she's (your concept of) 2 years old.

I hope its nothing serious for your daughter's sake as well as your own. If does turn out to have a sinister side though, please have the strength of will to see it through. I think you know what I mean by that?

Answer 4

Something isnt right love, if this is her reaction to him, then god!! you must make sure you dont leave her alone with him, you have known him for a year, but there may be a more sinister side to him you may have not seen, id be worried, get your daughter checked out!!! ASAP!! by gp!!

You should set up small spy cams around the house, when he isnt in, get them installed, in various points, and basically monitor him, and if he is left alone with your daughter,

You will know if anything is going on, plus this can be vital evidence if something is wrong!!! i hope there isnt, however if she is getting upset! it doesnt bode too well to me, if this finger incident was an innocent gesture, i dont understand why she would be upset, it seems to run deeper though..so be patient with her...

Also keep an eye on your partners behaviour, is he behaving differently, you should be worried, act on it now!!

Answer 5

Having three children, I can tell you that you may not be hearing what you think you are. Even if he was abusing her, she wouldn't know it was a bad thing and 2 year old's attention span is like 5 seconds and she probably wouldn't remember it enough to tell you about it. I have a 3 year old and whenever she first learned to talk to kept repeating the same words over and over and she was around 2 when that started. They are excited when they first learn to talk and tend to repeat things. Take her to the doctor and get her checked out, you will more than likely find that things are fine.

Answer 6

Maybe Justin has cut his finger (take a look) but if your daughter wont go near him get him to go away at least till you make sense of things. Have you quizzed him over your daughters lack of interest in him? Have you noticed any odd behaviour or comments of his like him not wanting to go near her? What does your ex make of your new bloke?

The finger referral may be a prod that would have hurt, not necessarily what others are implying. But if in doubt get rid..best be safe...y know, but NOW you already suspect dont you, so what kind of relationship can you have. Go it alone babe. Save the babby

Answer 7

It sounds like you're answering this yourself.
It is impossible for anyone here to decide what your daughter means - the only information which we have it what you have provided.
If there is an innocent explanation, you havent given any information to justify that it.
You have asked us to be the jury, but you have only presented the barest facts of the prosecution case.

Some possible explanations which you may like to consider, before hanging the guy:
he could have accidentally scratched her with a fingernail enough to hurt, but not broken the skin.
he could have put some food in her mouth - with his finger - and scratched a gum or her palatte
he could have removed something she was chewing on with a finger - maybe for her own good - causing her distress

Answer 8

Well I don't want to jump to conclusions, it could be a game they play with finger puppets? Or finger painting? But try and watch how she acts with him, does she flinch or hold her skirt down or something? I don't think you should talk to your boyfriend about it, but I agree with the person above saying you should maybe see a doctor who knows about this sort of thing, and also try and talk to your daughter, maybe ask her to draw Justin and see how she thinks of him?
God I understand how you are at your wits end, but you know your boyfriend, so go with your gut instincts. good luck, I hope it all turns out to be innocent.

Answer 9

There are so many possible answers and without any of us knowing how your baby communicates its impossible to give an answer.

I agree with both sides on here, could be a game or abuse. Listen not only to what she is saying but to what she is doing. If it's nothing and you pry it could have serious recourse.

you already know in your heart what what needs to happen or not happen. Don't second guess yourself especially when you have a child involved!

Answer 10

i think the abuse answers are a bit sickening, I have a young daughter too and the thought of anything like that turns my stomach....I think you should take her to your local GP and explain, let him look at her, but then again, if it's nothing to do with that you risk a social services referral and a very angry boyfriend.

Only you know him, if you are thinking for a second that it could be abuse then it could be and you need to get rid of him NOW. if you consider that he could do this, he has no place in your life and no place near your child.

What an awful situation you find yourself in, I am really feeling for you. If you wanna talk or anything email or IM me.

Answer 11

i would say try talking to her a bit more it c ould be something completley innocent after all she is only 2 she cud be missing words out. he cud have cut his finger and made it bleed this could frighten a 2 yr my partners little brother screamed at 2 every time he seen blood. cud b that, good luck take her to the docs if u feel its necessary they shud be able to tell u if she has been abused.