Her parents met me last night and dont want her dating me because I am black. She lives with them and her mom says it hurts that she would date a black guy. We both have fallen hard for each other and like each other a lot. We have known each other four months. I want to settle down with her and she wants to be my girl. I dont want to cause a split in the family and she does not want to hurt her mom, but we really care for each other a lot. What should we do?
2006-12-24 08:27:19 · 24 answers · asked by PAboy05 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She needs to say," Look mom, I am an adult. I am my own person. I make my own choices. The only reason you dont want me to see a black man Is because you dont want to look bad to family and friends. You are so worried about you that your not caring about my happiness one bit! If anyone should be hurt, its me! I am sorry that you dont approve of this, but I really dont care. Just give him a chance. You dont even know him! You have already drawn your own conclusions based on skin color and that is not fair to him!!! so mom you can either accept it and be happy with me or not, but as of right now, i really care for this man and im going to continue to see him and see where it goes"
Good Luck with this. Be prepared. Some minds NEVER change!
2006-12-24 08:40:03 · answer #1 · answered by Crissy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough question & a tough situation for the 2 of you to be put in. Eventually each of you will follow your heart. It would be nice it your parents would accept & support your relationship. That may or may not happen, it just depends on how certian people view interracial relationships. But if there is distance with the parents then I think the 2 of you will have problems, especially b/c ALL relationships have problems and at times those problems can really be difficult. At those times you may need your parents support, & if you don't have that support the parents may speak badly of your partner if could be demise you your relationship. But if the two of you feel strongly about each other that shouldn't get in your way. Just know that sometimes interracial couples have a harder time. It will be something the two of you will have to work on & continue to be strong. Just be aware & have a plan on how to handle the hurdles you may encounter. Another thing, 4 months is not really enough time to get to know each other like you really need to. Continue seeing each other & learning about each other that way the two of you will have a strong foundation in which to build a relationship. But by all means don't burn any bridges with your families. And try talking to them & getting to know them & let them get to know you. It may take awhile but your parents may one day be able to see past their bias & let go of some of their sterotypes. Remember this may be something they're aren't accustomed to & it may be a little uncomfortable for thiem at first. I know you have a better chance at winning them with love and understanding rather than anger and disrespect. Good luck.
2006-12-24 08:45:06 · answer #2 · answered by 2D 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a tough situation because no matter which way you go, not everyone will be satisfied. Personally, I think her parents must be living under the impression that old stereotypes and attitudes prevail and them not wanting their daughter being with a black man is proof of how they think. If you both choose to continue with the relationship there is the reality that a rift may develop between her and her parents. My suggestion is that she confront them with their prejudice, respectfully, and try to get them to see you for what you are - a human being. At the same time, you show them that you are responsible, have a plan to make your dreams a reality, and that your reality involves loving their daughter. Good luck to the both of you, I hope it works out in your best interests.
2006-12-24 08:33:36 · answer #3 · answered by McB 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes parents get fixed ideas what they want and expect from their children. I think you are both old enough to please yourselves. You both love each other. Colour of your skin should not matter,its what's underneath that counts. Her parents will get to know and trust you better as four months is not really a long time to make a good impression on her parents. This could be the big issue not your skin. They will come around to the idea of you wanting to settle down. Give it time for you both as well as her parents..Good Luck.
2006-12-24 08:37:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is one thing that I can't answer, because that is a hard pill to swallow. All of a sudden she walks in with another race and says surprise mom. Older people have to adjust to their daughter dating a black man, this is something all racial couples go through so just don't expect cookies and roses right away, She may change and then again no matter what you do, she will not accept her daughter with a black man. I' was born and raised in the south and I know that it is not going to be easy, believe me.
2006-12-24 08:34:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well. you should follow your hearts. You both just need to sit down and ask yourselves some MAJOR questions. Can you deal with her family for many years to come already knowing how they feel? Could you handle it if she became depressed because she was estranged from her parents?
In the end it is your lives and your decision to make. Just be able to TRULY accept the drama that may come knowing you have the strength of your relationship to hold on to. Asking each other important questions can verify that strength.
2006-12-24 08:36:24 · answer #6 · answered by Content One 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know what if her family really cared about her they would stand behind her decisions...there is nothing wrong with dating a black man...I have been there and been spoiled rotten...we are still very good friends too...they need to see you for who you really are not just the color on the outside...would they rather see her with someone from her own race that beats her and treats her like crap? If she is happy then they should be happy for you two...I say keep it going strong and they will accept you if not then they just lost two good things in their life.
2006-12-24 08:31:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Both of you are adults and have to follow you hearts and make your own decions. Since your friend lives with her parents, it will be difficult. You could suggest a meeting and calmly discuss the stereotypes that may exist in their minds. Somehow peole of other races think that one person speaks for a whole race. Impossible. We are all different. Face this situation head on beacause it will not go away.
2006-12-24 08:32:23 · answer #8 · answered by shoes_717 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
eventually they'll get used to you as time goes by. But don't give up if you feel strongly for this person. Just be patient, these parents are ignorant and probably prejudice. Be the nice person you are and if you have guts, talk to the parents. Tell them, "if you don't allow me to see your daughter whom I care and love with my heart, and that won't change, I hate to go behind your backs because I won't give up on someone I clearly feel strongly about. We started a relationship and it's not going to end just because you are uncomfortable about my color. Please allow me to grow fond of my girlfriends parents, because I am a likable person and I don't have any enemies."
Good Luck!
2006-12-24 08:32:31 · answer #9 · answered by DrPepper 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well she is old enough to make her own choices in life. As a mother to 2 girls, one who is a teenager, what matters most to me is that she is with a good man. I could honestly care less about his race as long as he didn't treat my daughter like crap.
I would suggest that you not let this stop you if you two really want to persue something, sit the folks down, find out what concerns them. Treat their daughter well. Chances are they are old school and think all black men treat white women like they are "beneath" them, like white women are their second class citizens.
2006-12-24 08:32:31 · answer #10 · answered by heartache 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋