My mother yells all the time. I talked with her about it last year, and she said that if I did the right thing, then she wouldn't yell. Therefore, this year, I worked really hard to be a better kid and do all my chores. But she stills just as much at the most miniscule things.
For instance, today, she yelled at me because I left some chicken outside the freezer for five minutes.
Today, her yelling got so excessive that I almost told her to shut the f up. (but I didn't)
What do you think I should do about this? I've tried talking with her calmly, ignoring her, or standing up to her. But she refuses to see the wrongs in her actions and keeps doing it, and it's driving me crazy.
2006-12-24 06:47:14 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i had a similar problem too, but with my dad. he yelled at me a lot for like along time because i back talked a lot and was stubborn. when i began to realize why he kept screaming at me, i began to change to try to make him happy by obeying him by not talking back anymore or be stubborn. now everything is okay, and he doesn't yell at me anymore. hope that helps. happy holidays by the way!
2006-12-24 06:56:56 · answer #1 · answered by hitomiki 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that you have to put up with it and you need to quit trying so hard to be this perfect kid, because you are going to wear yourself out or go thru life with a guilt trip. Try to remember the problem comes from within your mom, you are not the problem.
The only thing I could suggest is to continue to do what your suppose to do and then either tune her out, or go for a walk later, or beat up your pillow.
Hopefully, one day she will see a counselor. Perhaps that is all her mother did to her, scream and yell at her all the time. It certainly doesn't make it right for it to happen to you, nor any easier.
The hardest thing in the world for me to do is to not yell back when someone yells at me, but several years ago I started trying to practice it, especially since I was trying to teach my kids the same.
When a person is yelling at you and you don't yell back it can allow them to recognize what they are doing. It may not happen right away, but most of the time it will eventually be noticed and it does not make you a pushover.
It especially works well when there are others around. For example if you are a teenager and fighting with another person at school, stop and think for a minute and see if you can picture two girls fighting and screaming with each other.
Now envision only one girl doing all the screaming and when she suddenly stops, because she's not getting back what she wanted in the first place, your anger, quietly say to her with a smile, "geez Chrissy, I'm sorry you feel that way, is there anything I can do to help?"
Think about how this will look to others standing around. The girl doing all the screaming will be looked down upon and definitely in the wrong, and besides, she will be remembered as the one with her face all screwed up and contorted in anger while your behavior is going to stand out as truly being cool.
You can't do it with a smirk or anything sassy, it has to sound genuine even if you don't completely feel it, especially when someone is screaming at you. Its can be the hardest thing in the world to try and keep from doing and it may even be harder in your case because someone screaming at you will get those feelings stirred up of your own mom yelling at you.
By not screaming back at another, it doesn't mean you are trying to be this goody-two-shoe, just someone who is more mature than to scream and yell like a rooster gathering its hens. You will become a better person for it and especially helping those feelings that are inside of you for not feeling worthy enough when someone yells at you like it sounds like you are getting from your mom. Please consider the source, its not you.
As for your mom, I know how hard that can be, my mom was a screamer big time, and we dared not disagree or quietly suggest, hey, mom, can you hear yourself or we would find ourselves flying across the room.
No matter how much I swore I would never be like her, I did, because its what I had been taught and all I knew. My oldest daughter has those memories.
She was 16 when I had my next child and another one 3 years later. These girls have only known me to lose it on rare occassions. I get mad, but I've learned to express my anger without flipping out, anyways, at least with my kids. My husband is another story...
2006-12-24 10:27:10 · answer #2 · answered by Child of Abba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom is the same way, I live with her and my older brother and he never gets yelled it. I know were you are coming from. If you live with your dad or any other family members maybe you should have them talk to with her also, and sit her down and let her know what the problem is. Sounds to me like she is really stressed out and has a short fuse. Whatever you do though, don't yell back, it only makes it a lot worse.
2006-12-24 06:51:30 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever ya do DONT tell her to shut up-that just makes things worse. I would say that her mom was most likely a yeller and that is where she learned it from. My mom was a yeller and quite verbally abusive at times----I finally figured it out that she really had no idea she was doing this as much as she was. In general she was a good person-would do anything for you, was always there when needed and was my best friend. Is there anyone you are close to that has noticed her acting like this you could have talk to her? Maybe this would help.
2006-12-24 06:58:43 · answer #4 · answered by nickle 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i am kinda the one that does that.... sometimes i just get tired of saying the same things over and over again, and other times i know i just have a short fuse, and other times i know that it is because my mother yelled a lot and expected a lot from me too, and now i tend to be like her and expect a lot from my kids.
just know that it isn't your fault... your mom loves you, just doesn't truly understand that there are more productive ways to deal with frustrating situations. I know that, but still don't always think of that in the moment, and forget to take a moment to gain my wits before i express myself.
try to be understanding. i believe that every parent does the best they can, and it is really really hard to be a parent.
2006-12-24 07:40:00 · answer #5 · answered by don't be rude. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it is a health issue that is causing the problem like high blood pressure. This has happened to me and my children had the same comments that you are saying. Reason with her and talk to her about having a check-up as this may solve some of her problem. Otherwise she is only agitated over something.
2006-12-24 06:51:46 · answer #6 · answered by JoJoBa 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My mom is just lke that. Try yelling back. I mean if your in your teens then you should have already been doing this. lol. anyway, try carrying around a cd player and just tune her out when she starts yelling.
2006-12-24 07:08:37 · answer #7 · answered by Mz.C 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sorry to hear that.. i exactly know how it feels. just be your best at home and if she still gets mad be strong and ignore it. it could be her health or other stress. try to talk to your father or any adult (aunt, uncle, etc.) in your fam about her behavior. she may need mental or physical help.
2006-12-24 07:03:29 · answer #8 · answered by a b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop, take a deep breath, smile and ask her if there is anything you can do to help her because she seems stressed.
2006-12-24 08:11:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can get away with it without painful consequences, yell back at her each time to "STOP YELLING" And tell her each time she does it you're going to yell right back at her to "STOP YELLING"
2006-12-24 06:52:42 · answer #10 · answered by The Scorpion 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋