Can you make me laugh?

Question

Ten point for the best joke.

Answer 1

Elderly Couple An elderly man was visiting the doctor for a routine check up. The doctor gives him the all clear and asked him, "Is there anything else bothering you?" The elderly man answered, "Well I find that the first time my wife an I have sex im hot and sweaty afterwards, but the second time I feel cold and chilly afterwards." The doctor told him he couldn't explain it but would look into it. Later on that day the same doctor was examining the elderly mans wife and asked her the same question, "Is there anything else bothering you? Your husband claims that he feels hot and sweaty after the first time you have sex, but cold and chilly after the second time.Can you explain?" "That stupid bastard," the woman answered. "That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is in December!"

Answer 2

a couple was travelling in a flight. at that time one engine was down and the pilot reported that we are flying with only one engine and if that one also fails emergency landing is our only way. after some time the other engine also failed and pilot landed the flight in an island where no external communication can be done. There was no people around to help. Pilot told atleast we are alive for now after that crash.
Now the Husband asked his wife did you paid the house rent and wife replied yes. then he asks whether she paid mozilla bank loan amount the wife says no. then husband says OK then those bank people will somehow finds us to get the money.

Answer 3

Here are five funny phone answering machine messages.

Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
Hi, this is John. If you are the phone company, I've already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry; I have plenty of money.
Hi, I'm probably home; I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
(Sexy female voice with heavy panting.) Hi, you've reached 555-3456. John is in... (sigh) Oh no, he's out... (aah) Yes, he's in again... (ooh) No he's out... (aah) Why don't you just leave your name and number and he'll call you as soon as he... comes.

Answer 4

A boy on his 16 birthday asks his father for some money
to visit the red light district ..
his father not a naive man understands the need.. so he gives him $40 .
whilst the boy was getting ready to go out ..his grandmother asks him what his doing with that $40..
he explains about the need and desire for a woman ..
Grandmother tolde the boy to hand over the $40.and sleep with her ...he agrees
while he is on top of his grandmother giving it one ..
the father walks in the room..upon seeing this he starts beating on his son and saying how could you do this to my mother ..
the boy maneges to break away and as his ruining out of the house ..he turns to his father and says ..

you do it to my mum every night ..i don't say anything ..
I do it to your mother once and you get upset ..
Merry Christmas and a happy new year

Answer 5

I once told my my cow, that the blonde got fired out of M&Ms for two reasons.... one is when she was given cheerios for lunch, she said oh look donut seeds, and second she thre away all the W's. (idiot) And my cow started to laugh and milk came out it's nose.... I didn't know what so I shove pencil up it's nose......
What happened next? it came out the other end!

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Zere vas an elephant and ze snake, playing game to see vho can do ze bezt trickz. Ze snake put ze tale in ze mouth, zen ze elephant shooted vater out ze trunk with ze earz sticking up, and ze game vent on, until ze snake jumps into ze elehpants mouth, and zed 'Now beat zat'

So ze elephant clozez its mouth and puts itz trunk infront of his back exist, and zed, 'Now get out of zis one!'

I'm bored.... I just made them up..... hmmmmmmmmm I'm a dumb comedian.... that's why everyone says i'm random..... random people don't deserve to be comedians...

it ain't my fault I got kicked out of the comedian business.... all I said is Flying Hyper Flaming Deadly Ninja Monekys are getting attacked by that old granny......

Answer 6

A lady was told that she was going to have 'Twins'. She wanted Polite Children as most parents do.

She asked her Doctor, what do I do? The doctor told her to stand in from of a mirror and rub her had on her belly in a circular motion - 10-times a day! SAYING - I WILL BE POLITE!, I WILL BE POLITE!

Nine months went by, and ten months! The doctor told her that they would have to do a C-Section to remove the babies for she Was Not going Into Labour!

They cut her open and all in the Operating Room heard them Exclaim,

You First! No, You First! No, You First!

Thanks, RR

Answer 7

these 3 friends go camping and there is no bathroom so one of the girls had to go number 2 so gets the toilet paper and goes far into the forest then the other 2 girls wanted to pull a prank on her so the killed a rabbit and took out the guts and put them under the girl's butt and the girl thought she actually pooped out here guts and stuffed the rabbits guts into her butt!!!!! THE END!!!!!!

Answer 8

K here goes.....
One school day Johnny walks into class late and naked. The teacher asks, "where have you been, son?" The boy replies, "On top of blueberry hill." The teacher says okay and goes on with the lesson. A few minutes later Bobby walks in also naked and the teacher asks him where he has also been. He says on top of blueberry hill. And again the teacher goes on with her lesson. A half an hour later a girl walks in naked. The teacher asks who she is. She says her name is Blueberry Hill..
LOL

Answer 9

You have to do the actions with this one...

Q. How does an Elephant ask for a bun?

A. (put your shoulder against you nose and extend your arm out like a trunk and yell at the top your lungs) GIMMIE A BUN!!!

Not a very intellectual joke but stupid funny.....especially after a few.

Answer 10

An English guy sits at a cafe eating breakfast when a french guy chewing chewing gum comes in and sits down next to him. "Do you eat jam?" the french guy asks. The english guy replies with a nod. "We don't," says the french guy, "we only eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then take the peelings and seeds, put them in a jar, recycle them and send them to england as jam" the french guy says.

"Do you eat croissants?" the french guy asks. The english guy nods again. "We don't, we only eat the inside of the bread, then put the crust and crumbs in a jar, recycle them, and send them to england as croissants. The english guy smiles sarcastically, then asks "do you have sex in france?"
"Course we do," replies the french guy.
"what do you do with the condomns after you use them?" the english guy asks.
"We throw them away of course" replies the french guy.
"We dont. we put them in a jar, recycle them, and send them to france as chewing gum" replied the english guy