How do I tell an acquaintance, who wants to be my friend, that I don’t feel the same - in a polite way?

Question

Every time I see her – she just rambles on and on and on about herself and there is no exchange or comradery with her. She seems to like to collect people, she stays in touch with every person she has worked with over her long career.
I am so tired of being a good listener. Although I have wanted to tell her the truth, I don’t want to say anything too negative; because I know her from work and she might cause me problems. I just got another e-mail from her asking to meet me again and I just don't-don't-don't want to go. If I say I'm busy that day she will move it to the next week and it will never end! I am open to suggestions! Please help!

Answer 1

No matter what say to her, you will end hurting her feelings...sorry to break it to you. The best way to end a relationship is just to be upfront with her and tell her that you learned a long time ago, that sometimes you'll make a "friend" for a minute,-lets say at the airport catching a flight and say you're both stuck waiting on the plane to arrive, or you bump into someone at the grocery and you make small talk, say because of the whether outside and you mumble to yourself "man this whether is ridiculous", and the person next to you over hears you and agrees and that individual is very nice and friendly-but your point is that, that doesn't mean they will be your long life friends, or that they'll become your friends, just because they are nice-sometimes people you meet and connect with, you are only going to connect for a minute with you-whether through another friend; on the street; stores, or even work** but that doesn't mean that the connection means the friendship has to bond to the point of hanging out, it's just politeness and nothing more...and then say...you know what I mean? and hopefully she gets the drift, but if she doesn't, just say, that unfortunately she is mistaking being an acquaintance vs. friend, and that you view her as more of an acquaintance, and then say, like I said in the story.......you'll meet people you'll connect with,, but even for only a min. but that doesn't mean that you'll be long life or even friends at all-their just there one mint. and that should be fine-cuz true friends** are hard to come by. Good luck.

Answer 2

Tell her that you are busy focusing on your career right now and don't have time for outside relationships. Tell her that you keep in touch with people by email from time to time, but unless it pertains to your career, you simply cannot do it at this time. Perhaps in the future. The one or two personal relationships you have right now take all the remaining energy you have when combined with the already time-cosuming family obligations.
Let her know that you value the email relationships you have and appreciate the ones that understand.

Answer 3

You have no choice but to tell her the truth. Say ......"at this point in my life I do not have the time to manage and maintain a new friendship, so please strike me out of your "friends" list."

Answer 4

Be direct and firm, but empathetic.