My son has been going steady with a girl for over a year.....?

Question

Whenever there is a holiday, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, birthdays, etc, my son is rarely if ever invited over. Yet, they took him on vacation with him for a week a few months back and allowed them to share the same room, (albeit 2 different beds)
I would not have permitted this. Anyway, her mom and dad argue a lot over when and if my son can come over. Yet, the mother always asks my son to do her favors, (pick up her daughter, pick up things at the store) etc and my son feels frustrated and confused. He is not invited for Christmas eve due to the mother saying no even though the father said yes. Any suggestions on how he can handle this? The girlfriend also feels frustrated. He is 18 and she is 16. They are going steady for over a year. Thanks.

I did invite her for Thankgiving. She wasn't allowed. When the "family" comes over to visit them she isn't allowed out.

Answer 1

well, he needs to be careful dating someone that age anyways, But, to answer your question, I can see where he would feel frustrated although, does he know who all is going to be there? Would he be the only "non-family" there? If this is the case then maybe they just have family there. If this is not the case then he needs to ask her mom why he couldnt be there on this special occasion. Sounds like maybe the mom uses him when she needs him and when she doesnt then he is nothing. Maybe next time she "needs" him he should be busy. Also, it sounds like the mother wears the pants in that family so, maybe you could talk to her and let her know how important this would be for your son and her daughter. She should do it for her own daughters sake. Good luck with this one.

Answer 2

When I was 17 I had a gf that was 15 (shes a year 1/2 younger), and her parents invited me to EVERYTHING. I had my Christmas there, vacation with them, they bought me a car. Her mom paid me to bring her home from school everyday, and sometimes go to the store. When my parents kicked me out when I turned 18, her parents let me live with them rent-free, and sleep in the same room and they put her on birth control. My parents didn't approve of the relationship, they said my gfs parents were weird and screwed up, and all that, but they're not. I'm really good friends with the Dad, and the mom's cool. I'm still with her, we been together for almost 5 years and we are fine. It depends on different things. You can't predict how relationships will turn out. People change, and feelings change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. I know this, and I definately don't plan on getting married or having kids anytime soon. Make sure your son knows that.

Answer 3

I just think there is a internal conflict with your sone being 18, and his g/f being 16 in the other household.

As from what it sounds like, the father is really kool, and probably amires your sone alot. Does he have a son of his own? Maybe this could be another thing.

The mother of the other family is definitly trying to be authoritative over her daughter. She doesn't really want her 16 year old daughter having relations with a man who is 18. WHich is all natural as being parents, it out of her desire for the better for her child.

So really there is nothing that you can really do, just let it blow over. This mom that is not letting your son visit for christmas is really going to realize someday that your son is a good child, and that her daughter is growing up.

Advice to you son, don't sweat it, its only for one day.

Answer 4

At that age, that is a bad age difference. Although it is only 2 years... he is legal, she is not. With the parents always arguing and fighting I just hope that one does not decide to get the law involved to get their way. With the guy being older, all kinds of bad things could happen to your son... I have seen it happen. If he is frustrated and confused (especially if it is hurting their relationship) I would tell him to run! It seems that the mom is using him as a cheap babysitter. And since he does NOT go to the holiday get togethers but DOES run to pick her up or get things at the store... she is just going to keeping using him. It would be bad enough to be used by your girl/boyfriend but their mother... that is just weird! Good luck!

Answer 5

I have four daughters, all through college and (married now) but at 16 NONE of their boyfriends no matter how steady, would have been invited to share a family Holiday such as Christmas and Easter. Nothing to do with the character of the young man. Everything to do with the sacredness of family and her young age. BUT..... he needs to stop being her mothers Taxi .

Answer 6

To hell with her parents---------they are using your son. Have her come to your house and don't worry about him going over there. I sure wouldnt go where I am not invited. Plus your son could ask her parents if they have some sort of a problem with having him over and if they do then he in turn needs to ask them if there is such a problem why does the mom constantly ask him to do things.

Answer 7

Yes, probably has something to do with the age. Many parents think 16 is a little young for a steady boyfriend.

Answer 8

I know for some families, holidays are a special thing and some parents dont want to see a "special friend" with their child for those times unless they are getting married.

I have cousins who bring different women to every holiday and family function. So maybe in their eyes, holidays are reserved for her fiancee/husband and since they like him it is not that they dont care for her to be in a relationship with him. I just think they have reserved and special feelings for those dates when they think of her.

The best way to solve this....ask them why they are doing these things. He is your baby and he deserves an answer.

Answer 9

I think you should let your son handle this, or give him some of YOUR motherly advice. He's 18 if he feels frustrated and confused he needs to talk to the girls parents.

Answer 10

it could be something as simple as they have family over at xmas and it may be THEM who may disapprove of the relationship,,xmas it tough for most so keeping all at ease can sometimes be easier than giving ammunition to a dinner guest to moan with. he is 18 and could just talk to the parent who he feels would give him a straight answer,,they obviously like him so surely he has some leverage at their house.