What ever happened to old fashioned Courtship instead of just Dating? Is looking for a lifetime partner "out"?

Question

In Dating, there initial motive mostly is not that you are looking for someone mutually compatible with you for marriage. Usually it seems people get stuck precommitting themselves for 3,5,6,10 years as boyfriends & girlfriends and end up heartbroken when they find the person is not interested in marriage or leaves them for someone else.

In Courtship the point from the beginning is that each individual is prepared to find a mate for marriage and begins the friendship with that purpose in mind. They dont touch the other individual sexually or try to claim them (like boyfriends and girlfriends) until they get to the serious stage where engagement comes in. And the men usually courted the women.

Now it seems everyone is into microwave relationships. They want intimacy and precommitment now without permanent commitment. (for the option to leave whenever they want).

Is this outdated? But marriages were strong when people did it in the past!!! I prefer courtship. Do you?

I believe in God and He created male & female, and HE instituted the marriage relationship!

Answer 1

I Love this question...I think courtship is a bit out dated because of where we are in society. There are too many "players" and girls with "loose moral values" (thats how i explain it to my kids). People now are more selfish instead of caring for another for life they would rather cure their physical needs with whom ever is near at the time. Now it is not completely outdated My husband and I are very old fashioned and he courted me before we were married. I prefer courtship that way you really know who your getting involved with before that way there should be less reason for divorce.

A saying I was told when i was a teen was that the person you marry should be your best friend = take the time through courtship and be friends first.

Answer 2

Very good and relevant questions!

You are absolutely right - in today's fast changing world, everything is being expected and experienced fast, since they will be gone soon.The yardsticks we use in evaluating the value of a cell phone or a car are being extended to human relationships as well. No one has the time for courtships and no one thinks marriage as the ultimate, long standing goal.

Marriage as an institution is dying and it will be soon gone forever.
Physical intimacy on the very first date has become the norm. Mostly this is demanded by the Man - he is afraid that the Girl will be gone - to someone else - tomorrow itself. So why miss an opportunity for sex which has come to him today?

A big contribution to this is also the emancipation of the Woman (which I fully support). Gone are the days She was dependent on a Man for her survival. Women are better educated, more self confident and are ready to face life alone - they can survive, come what may. The olden day stigmas attached to a "much married woman" or having a "child out of wedlock" do not exist.

Good that you are perhaps one of the very few who openly support courtships of the past. But sorry, you will find yourself in the minority.

Yes, marriages were strong when the world moved on slowly and people had the time to spend gazing at the stars or watching a sunrise. When did you and I do these last? We have no time as we have to catch up with the other changes around us.

Answer 3

I'm not so sure the old ways are always the best ways. In the old days, people were stuck in abusive relationships with no way out, too. Having a thorough understanding of who you are getting committed to is wise. Better to be heartbroken in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship than in a marriage. Will some of the divorced folks back me up on this?

Open up your mind for a second. Why do you need a ceremony, justice of the peace, or man of the cloth to sanctify your committment? Is it possible for you to commit without some outside authority saying it's OK? After all, the relationship is about you and him, and if children are involved, it's about them.

Having said all that, I personally have followed more traditional courtship rituals, but I can certainly see the other side.

Answer 4

Our society is conditioned to think of sex first, second, and third. Those most affected are the younger generations. Parents who try to be friends with their kids are doing a great disservice to them. They should be stern when it comes to premarital sex and contraception. The problem with abortion being pushed into the mainstream is that many fear that it too will be used as a contraceptive device. Then there is The Pill. Why not just tell kids from the moment that they can talk that they can have sex as freely as they want. Knowing this, I can see why so many teens are free about sex. Now I hear about babies being found in the trash and what have you. I grew up during the Sexual Revolution and what I know of kids doing these days make those times seem innocent by comparison.

Answer 5

Hi Gladys, I see the difference between courting, as you described, and dating. Dating seems not to be a serious thing...go out and do whatever and if you don't like the other, dump them. I believe that is one reason for the high divorce rate. Men haven't been taught the proper way of courting, and our young ladies don't know what to expect either. I saw a change in church some 20 years ago. The youth group wanted to teach the young ladies the art of dressing and make-up. But the young ladies wanted to go shooting like the guys. Maybe the "woman's liberation" movement had some to do with it too. "Equality??". I am gald that men and women are different!

Answer 6

Sadly, courtship is an outdated art. I courted a lady, many years ago, and she was too skeptical of my good intentions. Today, we live in the here and now. As you said "microwave" relations (I LOVE that phrase) are the only understandable form of dating these days.
I would love to "court" someone again. But, I know that the skepticism that I experienced last time will fall even harder today.

Answer 7

Basically, yes it is outdated. And it is outdated because the country and society has moved from an agricultural society to a technological society to an information processing society. The old style of marriage was beneficial in an agricultural society. In today's age, it is obsolete. That is why you are seeing a 60% divorce rate in America. And that is why 3rd world countries have a low divorce rate, because they are still largely agricultural.

Answer 8

Now that marriage has become unnecessary for survival, more and more people are choosing to drink the milk (mostly sex) for free. Personally, I prefer singlehood over courtship and marriage. I have no time or desire for either of the two.

Answer 9

No it is not outdate. I know exactly what you mean. People just seem too quick to get what they want out of the relationship (mostly just physical involvement) and move on before being hurt. Or thinking they will be hurt. Sorta like moving on after draining someone of emotion and resources. Boundary lines are now blurred because of the new "lifestyles" that are now considered trendy and hip to be and do.

I totally understand you. Sad state of affairs we are in, huh?

Answer 10

It's a part of our society the plague of liberalism has harmed or destroyed.

People have contempt for respect, values and doing things in a proper way. Dating has become like a Roman arena for having premarital sex, and if the liberals who started all this could be found, they should be transported the Southwest part of the country and dragged through the cactus from end of the desert to the other.