She is rude, flirtatious towards my husband, judgemental, speaks thier language(Korean) even though she his perfectly skilled in English, takes over my kitchen by getting up to get them drinks or food without even asking or impling the guys need refills or whatever, she's neglectful mother, parties too much, and never seems to want to conversate, but when she does she's putting me down or tries to argue any opinion I have. The point I'm trying to make is she a person I could never be friends with but because my brother-in-law has to bring her over with him I want to respect his wishes, but damn-the girl is 26 going on 16, and I'm loosing my patience. How do I tactfully step-up and regain respect in my own home? I had a problem with my husband's cousin-in-law, but I finally called her and told her that in my culture the women respect a man's wife...etc...whicj was easy because I only have to see her at church. i'm not a push-over, in fact I am strong spirited...I have to be tactful.
2006-12-24 02:19:48 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
To Kay...you dumbe ***, I care because she's behaving this way in my house-outside of my home I don't have an opinion about her.Read the question before you answer stupid.
2006-12-24 02:28:16 · update #1
There's a phrase..." Teach people how to treat you ". As far as her using another language in your home that others don't understand...make statement of "English please, you know we don't understand Korean". She's being rude speaking a language others don't understand, so necessary be a bit 'rude' to bring peace to your personal home / space. As far as the other...my thoughts would be to take her to the side, out for a walk (not over the phone) and open the conversation to state "I'm glad (so and so name) cares for you, you and I both know our styles don't mesh, but I'm glad for the relationship you share with (so and so name)~ ~ ~ even though this is not true...say this anyway ~ ~ ~ but for my own home, I need to set some boundries...then state your boundries which you stated here being taking over as hostess, overtaking your kitchen, speaking rudely to you, putting you down etc. The next time she puts you down, look at her and say "interesting thought, but you need to share your personal thoughts as those with me personally off to the side, not here". Say this with a gentle yet firm face. Next time she plays hostess to your guests, go over to her and say "we spoke about this already, I'll get the drink for (so and so), thank you. Basically, again, Teach People How To Treat You. She sounds like a person who is insecure and desiring to voice her opinion in front of others and push into your space as hostess so to have others like her. She can do that in her own home, on her own time, not in your home. Be careful about being passive agressive and stewing off to the side. Clear, COMMUNICATION can be expressed firmly yet compassionately. I wish you well.
2006-12-24 02:33:39 · answer #1 · answered by onelight 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest that you tell you husband if he can talk to his brother and ask him to not bring this woman around your house, she's got no right to be disrespecting you in your home, but since it is your husband's side of the family he is going to have to be the one to address the issue, You need to tell your husband that you feel belittled around her, and that it isnt right that she acts this way towards you, and that it is plain out disrespect, I dont think you stated how your husband feels about it, does he defend her? If he does then that says that he doesnt see anything wrong with what she does, and that the problem is with you, if this is the case you remind him that it is alot easier to lose a spouse than it is a future sister in law, he'll get the point and you should get your way, its good that you stood up to the other witch, dont ever be a door mat, usually part of the problem is we were brought up to care so much, and then we get a slap when people like this come around, just hold your ground, but still dont make this a HUGE issue, it could affect your marriage.
2006-12-24 13:33:42 · answer #2 · answered by Summer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your husband asian too? Cos in most asian cultures, people help themselves with things around other people's house. In a way, it makes the hosts feel more comfortable because the guests are not too conscious or timid around their home and this usually bring them closer. But since you don't like what she's doing (messing around with your house), tell your husband to tell his brother about her behaviour and that you are uncomfortable with the foreign culture. If you feel brave enough to approach her, please do so, but remember to use the right words though. She may be rude, but you don't have to be the same. Other than that, just limit their visits or go over to their house, for a change. Good luck!
2006-12-24 11:36:40 · answer #3 · answered by Hanna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the next time she starts acting up, especially in your home..stand up, tell her just what you think, you can avoid the language issue because in the end who really cares what she has to say right? If she tries to interrupt, tel her to shut up...then lay down the rules, if she doesnt liek them, then tell her most politely that she and her man can leave. sometimes tact isnt the best way to go....the subtlety doesnt always get the point across. take it from a guy..the most thickheaded species you'll ever meet
2006-12-24 10:25:55 · answer #4 · answered by mike m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just a suggestion: Not that you'd be a coward, but I suggest not going to her first. Talk to your brother-in-law about it. Tell him he needs to put her in check before you do. It IS your house and you need to own the situation. That's YOUR play area, home turf, and not anyone's else's, and the next time she comes over with all that crap, you are going to go off and it won't be pretty. So if he wants to bring her over again he'd better set her straight else they can both just stay home. In fact, it might not be a bad idea to talk to them both (your sister and brother-in-law). Talking to him about it first, I feel, gives you the freedom TO explode and let all your feelings out, should she continue to act like a child next time they're over. Good luck.
2006-12-24 10:26:19 · answer #5 · answered by gabound75 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be civil...and be strong. When she does 'blantently' flirt with your husband...tell her calmly and with a serious face to stop whatever it is that she is doing. Now, flirting can be harmless...but it depends on the grounds that you have. Such as, does she physically touch him? Does she get really close to him when she talks to him? Tactfulness doesnt have to exist in situations like that.
Learn Korean.
2006-12-24 10:27:46 · answer #6 · answered by What, what, what?? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would either tell my brother-in-law and give him the chance to put her in her place or I would put her in her place. It doesn't sound like it would be hard to make her feel stupid either. You could just make everything she says seem so ridiculous! LOL! I don't know. I would just put her in her place next time she opens her mouth. Do what you feel you need to do to function, who cares if she gets hurt. She has no concern for your feelings. Good Luck!
2006-12-24 10:27:15 · answer #7 · answered by Tracie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you need to just tell her. Don't yell but be very firm when you describe what she is doing and I would also enlist your husband to talk to his brother about her.
2006-12-24 10:23:28 · answer #8 · answered by medicswife23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then use your strong spirit! Tell her that when she visits your home--it is YOUR home and you would expect no less than her respect of you and your home while she is there.
2006-12-24 10:25:13 · answer #9 · answered by smeezleme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't make plans with them, if they ask you guys to go out or whatever, be busy!! IF you have to be social with them, leave early got a head ache, babysitter's gotta get home early.......use your imagination!!
2006-12-24 10:24:47 · answer #10 · answered by mamaexfour 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋