How do I deal with my fiance's moodiness?

Question

My fiance seems to get edgy most of the time. How can I avoid that without getting upset at him back? I really don't care for moody men, but I am deeply in love with him and just needing to know how can I deal with it better, especially in front of the children, his daughter is 16 and my son is 11? It really upsets her when we argue if front of her and my son. Obviously her dad doesn't care, but I most certaintly do.

Answer 1

There's probably more to the issue than just his being moody. I'd seek premaritial counseling before you agree to spend your life with this person. Also he should try talking to a doctor to make sure he doesn't have depression or some other mental health issue that can be resolved by counseling and/or medication. If he isn't willing to try any of this then he may not be worth keeping. A marriage requires work and if he isn't willing to work on it before the wedding then we won't be willing to work on it once you are legally bound.

Answer 2

I think that you have not only yourself but your child and his child to consider in this relationship before you and your fiance go any further into marriage. There are lots of reasons we stick with people and they are sometimes mistakenly viewed as 'love'. When you are affecting children and are responsible to avoid avoidable problems for them then you should consider them first. Stress on children are immeasurable and therefore so is the effect. On the other hand your happiness is important also. Are you happy with this man MOST of the time? If so then ask him to talk more (which he probably won't if it means talking to you). If does ask him question regularly that begin with statements such as, "Honey, how do you feel when, or about?"... if he does not make an effort then seriously consider that his anger will not get better without attention being paid to it. Ask him to consider couples counseling to work out issues that may be only discussed with an unbiased mediator. I believe that if he wanted to improve himself and make you happy then he will submit to that. If he fails to do anything to make you more comfortable then you haven't married him and do not have to live with his irregular bouts of anger that can be seen as a form of 'abuse' eventually. Your son's life can be a bit better off without someone who is not his father biting his mother's head off. Please consider his interpretation of relationships and the people in his life that he will have by your demonstration. If money is the reason-teach him to be independant, if it's loneliness-teach him to not settle, if it's fear of being alone-teach him how only the right person is worthy of his time because the wrong one will definitely lower the value of the way he sees himself. If your fiance's anger is less than the average of once every two weeks and not the same idiotic thing and is controlled nor directed at you or anyone in the family then I would definitely say he's a keeper but if his outburst come on a regular basis-almost predictable, you are in the presence of a potential "abuser" that more than likely needs to talk to a professional. It appears that he may be headed for depression and the ones closest to him are going to feel it the most. Never take regular -reoccuring anger lightly...PLEASE.

Answer 3

I married a sweet man that turned "moody". Most women would agree with me.....men have their own version of the monthly cycle. If you pay close attention, the moodiness starts close to when "major" bills are due for the month. My husband don't care who his moodiness effects either. We have three children and they definitely know their Dad and the moods. It's easy for women to tell you to "leave" him or not to marry him. That's not very logical or well thought out. I love my husband for life, I would rather suck it up and deal with the attitude sometimes than to live without him. He is a GREAT husband and father, that's a lot more than most women get. If that's the case in your situation, you just have to let him vent and get it out. I used to take it personal and then we would fight. But now I know that's his "guy way of "getting it out" (frustrations). There is a point that you have to let him know how he's acting, because most men don't realize it. The way I see it....a good, honest, dependable man is hard to find, don't sweat the moodiness, it will pass in time.

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

Hi there.
You say you don't care for moody men and yet you are planning on marrying one? I understand about being deeply in love but I think that marriage would be a really bad idea.
If he is this way before you are married he is sure to be worse after you are married. He is "putting his best foot forward" at this point and after you are married he will not be trying as hard as he is now.
I agree with you totally that fighting in front of the children is awful and should be avoided at all costs. It comes very close to emotional abuse. If he does not even see how important this is then that is another problem you have to deal with.
I for one could not deal with a moody man. I am not a moody person and I find it very difficult to deal with it in a man. I know women who are married to very moody men and their lives are not anything that I would want.
I hate to say this but I think you need to think long and hard about what the consequences of living with this man are going to do to you and to your son. Since you have children it is not just you that has to be considered. Your son will never know what to expect from this man either because his mood will change from one time to the next. That is very hard for children to deal with. He will end up thinking that it is something that he did wrong that changed this man's mood.
Give me an even-tempered man that I can count on to be the man I fell in love with! Jekyll and Hyde is NOT for me (tho I am sure it is not that bad!).
Take care sweetie. Sorry to say I do not have any tips for living with a moody man. I never stuck around long enough to learn. It is not something that I wanted to be exposed to long enough to be good at it. In my opinion the moody will kill the "deeply in love" if given enough time. Sorry to say but that is what life has taught me.
Take care and Love and Blessings to you.
Lady Trinity~

Answer 5

that has to be the worst personality trait - moodiness. women get moody because we deal with hormonal changes, but men shouldnt be moody. i hate that in a man, and would never deal with that. think long and hard before you marry a man that will never change. you will always argue and if your fiance doesnt care, then hes not likely to compromise with you in any way. you cant change a person, so i guess youll have to learn to deal with it.

Answer 6

he may well be cheating on you and getting his desires met someplace else. i've got by no skill met a guy that youthful that didnt want it 24/7. while you're this uncompatible in the previous marriage then dont marry because of the fact this is going to in straightforward terms worsen despite the fact that in case you desire to do it for the youngster pass forward yet dont blame God on your unhappiness

Answer 7

well lady, here's my advice to you. how can you be sooooo deeply in love with this man who is moody...and you can even admit that you typically don't care for moody me??? you should evaluate your relationship a little bit better! fighting in front of kids only ***** with their heads. you need to think of the kids before yourself...obviously your wonderful fiance won;t do it...sounds like your marrying a REAL WINNER!

Answer 8

Good luck raising that kid. Sounds like he's the most immature of the bunch. You'd better be very good at compromise and doing without. I wouldn't want to be you.

Answer 9

your a good woman to put up with it.You should not have to be concerned with upseting him. He is an adult and should be able to deal with his moodiness and treat you with respect

Answer 10

just walk away from the problem or try to write things down about how you feel on paper, this way that their are no problems in front of your kids.