Twas the night before Christmas
old Santa was pissed,
He cussd out the elves
and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats,
Ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind,
To scrap the whole works.
I've busted my ***
for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" what do I hear..
The old lady bitches
cause I work late at night
the elves want more money
And the reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk
and goosed all the maids.
Donner is Pregnant
Vixon has AIDS
And just when I thought
That things would get better,
The IRS,
They sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes,
If that aint damn funny..
Who the hell ever
Sent Santa any money?
And the kids these days,
They all are the pits.
They want the impossible,
Those mean little shits.
I spent a whole year
Making wagons and sleds
with no request for them
They want computers and Robots,
They think I am IBM
If you think that is bad
Picture this..
Try holding those brats
with their pants full of piss.
They pull on my nose,
They grab at my beard
And if I don't smile,
The parents think I'm weird
Flying through the air,
Dodging the trees.
Falling down chimneys
And skinning my knees.
I quit this job,
There is just no enjoyment
I'm going to sit on my fat ***
And collect unemployment
There is NO Christmas this year
Now you know the reason
I found me a blonde
and heading SOUTH for the season....
2006-12-23 21:35:01 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Love you funny girl... you deserve a prize for this and all the other jokes which have made the world a better place. Try your skills in advertising. I am sure, you will be a hit. All the best.
Merry Christmas my d.
2006-12-24 07:52:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I saw another railway related one which began: "Twas the night before Christmas at Liverpool Street Not a creature was stirring, not a tramp on a seat..." About Christmas closures on the East Anglia main line.
2016-05-23 03:35:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
merry christmas honey wish some one would send me santas address over the last 33 years of my life i wanted to send him a nice few quid as a present so he could go on boxing day and have a good few pint's himself.
any ways good luck honey.
2006-12-24 05:19:12 · answer #3 · answered by mariolla oneill 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So much for the grass being greener on the other side of the fence I guess, It's the same all over
2006-12-23 21:39:27 · answer #4 · answered by MamaJupe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT!!!! Did you do this yourself because if you did I almost peed my pants!! It's the laugh I needed with all of the stress of the holidays. THANK YOU and Have a Merry Christmas!
2006-12-23 21:45:18 · answer #5 · answered by Nurse Betty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very good>>very very sweet>> loved it.
Please forward my request to Santa, what all he has said it true, but, let him skin his knees this time>> this may be an advance notice to all those brats demanding Computers and Robots..
Merry Xmas.
2006-12-23 22:25:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cool. Have a great Christmas!
2006-12-23 22:15:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's funny. I hope you arent pissed at the ecko person. Keep laughing and joking.
2006-12-24 12:37:22 · answer #8 · answered by ~*simtoria lové y ashley~* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny! I like this one also! You are tops! Merry Christmas!
2006-12-23 22:45:13 · answer #9 · answered by cats 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fantastic poem - but with a touch of "Bah humbug" about it, don't you think? Have yourself a fab Christmas!!!
2006-12-23 21:39:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋