My five year old son followed a 9 year old down the path yesterday. The 9 year old threw a rock at the neighbors car and my son did the same. He told me about it later that day just out of the blue. He is always pretty honest. He tried to say it was an accident but when pressed he finally told the whole story, that it was with intent that they threw the rocks. There was no damage done to the vehicle but I am at a loss for what to do. Should I send him to the new neighbors and have him tell them what he did to the car? The new neighbor is someone I work with. Should I tell the neighbor myself? Should I let the other boys parents know? This is the only neighbor boy my son has to play with as we live in a rural area. Should I even let them play together anymore as this is not the first time this boy has done something that I was shocked about. He is VERY mainpulative when it come to getting my son to do something. I do not put this on the other boy though...my son should KNOW.
2006-12-23 20:29:33 · 18 answers · asked by Kevin C 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Just so it is clear, as I have been bashed a little bit. I was about 100 feet away working in the garage when this happened. I do not let me son just wander on his own at age 5. Kinda hard to hear a rock being thrown when working with power tools.
2006-12-24 05:50:36 · update #1
Your son is still at the Observing stage in his life. He will follow what someone else is doing if he doesn't really know right from wrong at this stage ( you are not a bad parent - so don't htink this at all). There was a study with bobo dolls and children. One a contro group the other a test group . One group were shown adults hitting the bobo dolls adn they left the room observers noted the children copyign what they ahd seen the adults do. The other group observed adults hugging bobo solls nd in turn these children hugged and stroked the bobo dolls when left alone. I would probably let the owner of the car know just out of respect for your working relationship. Perhaps let your son apologise and as for the other child I would have a strong word to the parents and make them aware that their son is not a little angel :)
2006-12-23 22:25:15 · answer #1 · answered by ANASTASIA_NIKOLAIEVNA_ROMANOVA 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not let my son play with that child again. I would also have my son go to the neighbors house and tell what happened. That boy is a bad influence to your son. I have a 7 year old and he was playing with a older boy this past summer and he was trying to get my son into trouble. This boy's parents was the cause of it I think because he would try to come over my house at 8 in the morning and would be at the park by my house all day til around 9 at night. The boy lived 6 blocks away from me and his parents would NEVER check on him. I felt sorry for the boy but I told my son that he couldn't play with him anymore.
2006-12-23 21:36:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all there is a BIG difference in maturity levels between a 5 year old and a 9 year old. The older boy is definitely going to try to manipulate your 5 year old, that's pretty natural just because of the age difference. Maybe it would be a good idea to really limit their play time, or only allow them to play when you are right there. I understand that you live in a rural area and there aren't any other kids to play with, but this older boy sounds like he probaly has too much influence and your son will more than likely look up to him because he is older . Right now, your son knows and has feelings of guilt about what he did, if you ignore that, it will be sending him the wrong message. I think it is a good idea to talk to the neighbor, with your child along. It will teach him a valuable lesson in accountability and acceptable and unacceptable behavior. I probably wouldn't mention it to the other boys parents right now. You sound like a great parent to be worried about what to do, and to say that you don't put this on the other boy. Sometimes we are put in difficult, embarassing situations because of something or kids did, but it for their BEST interest to let them see that there is right and wrong behavior, and not worry about what others think or to try to put the blame on someone else. That is the easy way out and it teaches kids that they don't have to be responsible for their actions. Good luck to you!!
2006-12-23 20:58:11 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is 5, he should not be out with a 9 year old. He should not be allowed to run around alone in my opinion. You are lucky the 9 year old isn't a completely sociopath else you would have more issues than a rock being thrown.
As he is 5, I would march his little butt over to the neighbors and explain what he had done and deal with the repercussions. I would also go to the 9 year olds parents and let them know what happened. I would not make them believe that you think it is their sons fault, in fact I would try hard to make them understand both kids part.
Quite honestly, I don't think your son is as much to blame as you are. Children need supervision at such young ages or else they will get into trouble like this on a regular basis. Maybe you should be the one who goes and apologizes....
2006-12-23 23:29:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would be an honorable thing to talk to the neighbor of the car that your kid threw the rocks at. If there is no damage then you don't have much to worry about. Talk to the neighbor first, then tell him that you will take your son to appologize to him, your son must take responsibility for his actions. Also, think of a way you could teach him there are consequences to his actions by punishing him. And of course show him that you forgive him by loving him afterwards. Proverbs 22:6 says "train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
2006-12-23 20:43:19 · answer #5 · answered by J-Po 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nine years old is, unfortunately, too old of a friend for a five year old. Sure, they can play together at times. But, nine year olds don't have very good judgement. As for your son, wow, he's young for confessions, but, yeah, he needs to be the one to tell the car owner. Try not to pump up the "guilt trip". Just make it matter-of-fact that we humans screw up and we humans make amends. Plain and simple. Make it about family honor, like these behaviors happen at all ages. He'll sorta appreciate being expected to act like a full citizen. Throwing rocks is pretty normal at his age. That's nothing worrisome, related to his character development, by the way, not like tormenting an animal or starting a fire. You sound like a cool dad. Try to get it overwith before Santa comes so this isn't hanging over his head.
2006-12-23 20:45:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like the 9 year old is a bad influence... and your son shouldnt be hanging around him, whether hes the only kid in the area or not. Unless you speak with the 9 year olds parents, and they agree to punish him and keep him under control.. you dont want your suggestable 5 year old learning bad habits
2006-12-23 20:34:01 · answer #7 · answered by Kristin B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down and talk to your son and tell him just because so and so does something bad does not mean you have to join him in doing it. tell him the next time to turn away and come home. because if hes with that kid when he does do something wrong and your sons not. your son can be charged to just by being with him. Or don't let your son hang around him anymore. take him to the park so that he can meet to friends. good luck.
2006-12-23 21:59:30 · answer #8 · answered by misty blue 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
March your son over to the neighbors and make him explain himself, and offer to do chores to make up for the damages incured. If you let this slide, you will regret it. I would talk to his playmate's parents also, so you are on the same page.
Your son may need to find a playmate who is more suitable. Why is he allowed at 5 to be off alone without your supervision???
2006-12-23 20:43:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is a tricky one hun..but if i were you i think i would take your son to hers to tell her what they BOTH did and that hes very very sorry. im sure everything will be fine on her part as there is no damage to the car.
you see...if your son tells her, not only will it learn him a lesson not to do it again, but it also brings to her attention that the other boy did it too. so that she can deal with that in her own way.
i wouldnt stop them playing together but id perhaps tell your son that hes only allowed to play on the garden or at home. at least untill you feel that he wont get into throwing more stones at cars.
lots of luck hun and merry christmas
2006-12-23 20:37:28 · answer #10 · answered by fanlight 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋