How to break the cycle?

Question

I'm 25. I've never had a girlfriend or been on any real dates. I'm a very sociable, outgoing guy. My only downfall is that I tend to talk a lot and I overthink about situations. I have gone through phases where being single has bothered me and at other times I dont' think about it at all. Nowwdays, I find that i"ve fallen back into that space where I feel desperate. Where I'm looking, hoping to find someone. This, then gets my mind all worked up and I start to worry about things, and when I worry I complain a lot to my friends. I make a big deal out of nothing. At my age, I should know by now that the more I yern for companionship the harder it will be to find it (most people say when they aren't looking, thats when it happens) but yet I keep doing it.
Long story short: I think about getting a girlfriend constantly knowing that it's just a desperate act that needs to stop. My question is how?

Answer 1

You are clearly intelligent, perhaps this is why you over think this so much.

First off, stop with your verbal diarrhea. No one wants that.

Second, consider online dating sites. See what happens. Be realistic and if you get a date, shut up and listen. The time to talk is after the first few dates.

Finally, never appear desperate. That is never an attractive trait.

You should be able to find someone. You are clearly resourceful and intelligent. There are a plethora of online dating sites around and plenty of people out that that you can click with. Remember, stop being desperate and just be yourself. Someone somewhere will love you for who you are.

Answer 2

Well, buddy, there are no easy answers. There are several routes you can pick.

1. You can try the online thing. That will eliminate your problem of talking too much, and you'll have time to gather your thoughts and have a real, in-depth conversation. The problem is that it's difficult to find someone who lives near you AND doesn't have issues.

2. Keep "not looking" and improve yourself. Eventually it may find you. The problem is that it might not.

3. Learn some pick-up artist tactics. They're very easy to master, and most men can get it down in a few months (even shorter if you have a good wingman). Once you've internalized the lessons, women will flock to you. The problem is they will be the type of women easily drawn to a PUA, and they may not be up to your standards.

Those are some paths you can take. Whichever one you choose, good luck, and remember that no matter if you find a girl or not, you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.

Answer 3

Geez, this is a tough one. You sound so darn conflicted inside and because of that I really think you need to look within first. What I mean is that it really sounds like you have some issues going on inside of you that you need to deal with first. Trust me,. finding someone is easy... finding someone that is keeper is a lot more difficult.

Some people end up well into their 30's or even 40's without never really having a meaningful relationship with the opposite sex. Trust me, I know more than a handful of these people. These people have issues that they aren't dealing with because either they don't want to acknowledge them or they just don't know they are there. Trust me, everyone has issues, and just because you've never been on a real date or had a girlfriend doesn't necessarily mean that you may have some tangible issues going on with you deep inside. It may mean that person for you just hasn't appeared yet.

However, I do think you need to do some self-searching... find out why haven't you dated. Why haven't you had a steady girlfriend. Step outside yourself and look at YOU as a person. And don't be biased. Are there some characteristics and qualities about yourself that may be negative to others. Why don't you ask your friends? Tell them to be as blunt as possible about YOU. Ask them what are some of the negative things about you? Ask them what are some of the positive things about you? Ask them what do they think is preventing you from dating and having a girlfriend? Ask them to be honest.

Companionship is important. Some people are very "safe" with themselves and are truly okay with being alone. I'm not one of those people. Obviously, you are not either. However, the thing is don't feel that you HAVE to have girlfriend.. or HAD to have dated someone just because you are 25. 25 is just a number that's all. Age is mind over matter... if you don't mind... it don't matter.

Its so sounds like you really can be a nervous wreck. Well you said said so yourself that you get all worked up. Maybe that is a characteristic about yourself that yourself that you exude even when you don't know it to the opposite sex.

When you feel desperate that's when you need to back off the whole ideal of finding someone and take a deep breath. There is truly someone out there for everyone. I really do believe that. Re-center your focus... on you for right now. Try to work on the YOU issues and then move forward in putting yourself out there to meet someone. Trust me, it takes some work. Girls won't just fall into your lap... well they will at a strip club but that's another thing.

Take a deep breath. Things will be okay. You are only in a cycle if you allow yourself to be in a cycle. Things will only happen to you if you allow them to happen to you! You are not in a cycle. You are in a "holding period." That's all.

Hope this helps!

Answer 4

hi there ok ......breath !!! look you seem a really bright guy and there is someone out here for you , stop moaning to youre mates you never know when the right one will come along go on line and go chatting in chat rooms and you never know she might be there waiting for you .....thats where ifound my mr right .....good luck .....merry christmas xx

Answer 5

stop looking