What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?
"Shut the door, I'm dressing!"
What about- What did one eye say to the other eye?
Just between you & me, something smells.
2006-12-23 17:56:39 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
i was gonna send you something HOT & SEXY for christmas but the postman told me to talk the stamps off my **** and get the f**k out of the mailbox
Merry Christmas
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2006 it did f**k all, for 2007 could you please send either piss money or petrol vouchers. Cheers
why is a xmas tree better then a man?
it always erect stays up 4 12 days and nights has cute balls and looks good wif the lights on!!!
2006-12-23 21:34:59 · answer #1 · answered by Ch!cks b4 D!cks anyday!!!! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Q: What do you get when you find a dead blonde in a closet?
A: The hide and seek champion of 1996.
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Q: A blond, a brunette, and a red-head jump off a building at the same time. Who hits the ground last?
A: The blond, she has to stop and ask for directions.
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Q: What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing. You already told her twice.
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A man walked into a curio shop in Galveston Texas . Looking around, he noticed a very life-like, life-size bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it
looked so striking that he decided he must have it.
He took it to the owner and asked "How much is the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, a hundred dollars if you bring it back," said the owner.
The man gave the shop owner twelve dollars. "I'll take the rat; And I won't be
bringing it back."
As he walked down the street carrying the bronze rat, he noticed that a few
real rats had crawled out of alleys and sewers, and began following him down
the street. This was a bit disconcerting, so he began to walk a little bit
faster. Within a couple of blocks, the group of rats behind him grew to over a
hundred, and they began squealing.
He started to trot towards the Harbor. He took a nervous look around and saw that the rats numbered in the thousands, maybe in the millions, and they were
all squealing and coming towards him faster and faster.
Terrified, he ran to the edge of the water and threw the bronze rat as far out
into the Harbor as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into
the water after it, and were drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop. "Aha," said the owner,
"You're bringing it back!"
"Actually no," said the man. "I came back to see how much you want
for that little bronze Mexican over there!"
(I mean no offense with any of these. Plaese take none.)
2006-12-23 18:45:13 · answer #2 · answered by James 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How can you tell when a frenchman has been in your backyard?
The trashcans are empty and the dog is pregnant.
Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysse?
So the Germans could march in the shade.
2006-12-23 18:26:44 · answer #3 · answered by qmstr725 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a girl and a boy walking at the beach yelling phrases of hatred at each other. The girl suddenly sees a bottle in the sand. She goes and picks it up and opens the bottle. A Genie suddenly appears and says to the girl:
"Your wish is my command but the boy next to you gets double of what you wish for."
"What?!" the girl yells."I hate him and he gets double?!"
Genie replys, "I have rules to follow you know."
The girl sighs."Ok I want one million dollars."
She gets a million $ and the boy gets 2 million.
The girl then wishes for a wide screen TV and the boy gets 2.
For the last wish, the girl thought and thought and then she just said,
"I wish I was half-dead."
Do you get it? The Boy dies in the end because the girl wishes that she was half dead and the boy gets double so he dies.
2006-12-23 18:45:29 · answer #4 · answered by The Girl with the Red Bow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" said the teacher. "Now, who said, 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?'"
Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now, with almost a mob hysteria, the teacher said, "If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"
Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh ****, we're in BIG trouble now!"
Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."
Finally, someone threw an eraser at Pedro and another student shouted, "Duck"!
The teacher, just waking up and still a bit out of it, asked "Who said that?
Pedro: "Dick Cheney 2006!"
2006-12-23 23:39:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
your 2d one ive heard till now yet with, grass and a snake particularly of a automobile and storage. yet its nevertheless stable! A fellow replaced into stricken by constipation, so his physician perscribed suppositories. a week later he replaced into returned on the physician's complaining his constipation had gotten worse, not extra constructive. The physician asked "have you ever been taking the suppositories generally?" "What do you think of i've got been doing," pronounced the man, "Shoving them up my ***?" An old guy is going to the physician for his each year actual, his spouse tagging alongside. whilst the physician enters the examination room, he tells the old guy, "i decide on a urine pattern, a stool pattern and a sperm pattern." The old guy, being troublesome of listening to, seems at his spouse and yells: "WHAT?" "What did he say? what's he decide on?" His spouse yells returned, "He needs your underclothes." "Your ingesting is putting out to tension your friends and enjoyed ones faraway from you, making you such as you will seen it lots till now." those i think of are exceptionally humorous. lol wish you like them!
2016-12-15 07:12:33 · answer #6 · answered by zell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it."
"Your wasting your time," said the boy.
"Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
2006-12-23 20:55:20 · answer #7 · answered by truckin_dad_04 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Granny
Granny who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Granny
Granny Who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Granny
Granny Who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Aunty
Aunty who?
"Aunt-you glad Granny's gone?
I loved it! Really funny when it comes to the end!
Enjoy!
2006-12-23 18:35:11 · answer #8 · answered by Dreaming♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's a father and li'l son conversation!!
-papa did u know last night i went 2 da toilet in the midnite, when i opened the door, the toilet's light turned on, and when i shut the door, it turned off automatically!!
then his father is shouting to her wife:honey, we need 2 clean the REFRIGARATOR, again!!
2006-12-23 18:12:28 · answer #9 · answered by Annoymous 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
(please no one get offended, it's just a joke)
A black man, a white man, and a Chinese man are going to rough it in the hot desert for 1 day. They all decided to bring one thing to keep cool. The white man says to the black man " I brought us some cold beers to keep cool. What did you bring?" The black man replies " I brought some ice packs to put on our necks". He turned to the Chinese man and says "What did you bring" The Chinese man says "A car door." The white man and black man look at him, confused. The white man asked "Why did you Bring a car door?" The Chinese man replied "So we can roll down the window when we get hot!"
2006-12-23 18:16:35 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ BuffaloGirl ♥ 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋